5 Questions

1.) What are the 3 most important values for you in a D/s relationship?
2.) What is your preferred method of punishment, and what about funishment?
3.) What is the biggest mistake you have made as Dominant, submissive, or switch?
4.) What is the best thing to you about being a Dominant, submissive, or switch?
5.) What is your biggest struggle in being a Dominant, submissive, or switch?

1.) What are the 3 most important values for you in a D/s relationship?
Answer: Trust, communication, honesty.
2.) What is your preferred method of punishment, and what about funishment?
Answer: Punishment would have to impact, clamps, lines, corner time, an essay, or taking away rights or privileges.
Punishments would be edges, a fun impact session.
3.) What is the biggest mistake you have made as Dominant, submissive, or switch?
Answer: Staying in a toxic dynamic.
4.) What is the best thing to you about being a Dominant, submissive, or switch?
Answer: Being able to help my sub become the best they can be and taking care them.
5.) What is your biggest struggle in being a Dominant, submissive, or switch?
Answer: I struggle with not always being okay (i.e. being sick, depression, anxiety ETC.) and needing down/off time or not being up for someting.

- Consistency
- Communication
- Clarity
(I assume we're all in agreement that consent and trust are the bare minimum?)


- No need for punishments. I live the good girl life. If something's really wrong let's talk.
- I ask for my spankings like a fucking lady- just as I was taught to.


- Assuming capacity based on what someone said before fully evaluating it based on their deeds.


- Being a submissive is letting go and thriving in a high trust environment with someone worthy of it. There's no peace like that.


- Submission is my nature. It isn't a struggle. Finding the right Dom at the right time ready to meet me where I am is an uncomfortably slow process.

1)

A: Informed Consent
B: Honesty
C:Being Honorable

2: Punishment is always emotional, never physical. My most common is telling them "I am disappointed in you".
2a: "Funishment" is an absurd concept.

3: Violating consent, or rather taking action without obtaining consent first.

4: Breaking the finger of a "Dom" who was violating consent

5:Getting older and seeing the old ways die off.

1. Trust, communication, not hiding who you are i need to see the good and the bad.

2. Knowing that i have disappointed is the worst punishment i can receive.
I dont personally believe in funishment, punishment is given to allow refection on our mistakes.

3. Letting past triggers make me shut down.

4. Oh this is a hard one.. when i do submit to someone they have all of me.

5. Knowing who i am and what i need dosnt really exist anymore l.

Good questions

1.) Trust, honesty, and responsibility.
If she submits to me, I want it to be real. I want honesty on both sides, and being a Dom means responsibility and accountability more than entitlement to me.

2.) I prefer punishment that is calm, clear, and deliberate.
It should be about accountability, again... not me acting out frustration. I think the specific implement is really not important.. more how it is received. "Funishment" can be more playful... teasing, inconvenient, a little mean in a fun way.

3.) Goodness... so many. A lot rests on me as a leader. Clarity, intention, expectations and honesty are constantly things I need to have at the front of my mind. I came into this world largely fueled by a sexual power fantasy and later learned how empowering the trust of my submissive felt. I'll try to stay humble in the future and be worthy of that trust every single day.

4.) I kinda referred to that above: Being trusted deeply.
That trust and responsibility defines me as a man. It is everything.

5.) Navigating this space between fantasy and reality. Trusting that I can be my playful and silly self and then still step up as the leader when it is required. Not thinking that I have to perform as a leader... being comfortable that my leadership isn't always strict, stoic and detached.

1.) What are the 3 most important values for you in a D/s relationship?

Connection (alignment, belonging, open & honest communication)
Respect (based on trust)
Fulfilling (in that the dynamic improves life)

2.) What is your preferred method of punishment, and what about funishment?

Not enough experience with straight punishment and I don’t like to do the ‘wrong’ thing or get in trouble/disappoint. I could see it working with me in certain (and clear) circumstances. I have some adversity to punishment due to past experiences and confusions.
More experienced with funishment in the form of spanking, edging, orgasm denial, challenging tasks - things that I like but that can also be frustrating or extending (outside of comfort zone). Funishment does not make me break rules; it can actually help me remember protocols.

3.) What is the biggest mistake you have made as Dominant, submissive, or switch?

No biggest mistake per se, but rather, some mistakes stemming from ignorance (participating without being informed or sufficiently safe), not vetting, trusting too easily and making assumptions.

4.) What is the best thing to you about being a Dominant, submissive, or switch?

Depth, connection, vibrancy, belonging

5.) What is your biggest struggle in being a Dominant, submissive, or switch?

The transitioning between states ie. returning to life demands and responsibilities. I don’t wanna. Transitioning between anything is hard.
My duality - I hate and love it 🙄

1. Clarity, communication, and compassion. It's not enough to communicate well, you have to have a clear understanding of what was communicated and why which is a separate skill, and compassion is the underappreciated keystone that holds BDSM together, I feel many people take it for granted or assume that it's a component of some wider value we all care for, but as is the case with most emotions compassion is not intrinsic to any other emotion. To be compassionate is to desire the removal of suffering, in a BDSM context to me that means you desire to remove friction between a sub and their most true self.

2. It depends on the sub. Each individual responds differently and I get the most satisfaction from tuning punishments to them and the context of the error. A punishment should serve to uplift your sub and make them better, that can only be done at the fullest potential with point 1. Funishments...? I don't think I could choose, there's so many good ones.

3. As a domme I've lost control of my emotions temporarily and been too eager to punish when I was new and I've had a few cases where I failed to see my subs were hurting soon enough, these lead me to adopting my core beliefs.
As a sub I still sometimes catch myself starting to think for my domme and trying to predict her, thereby taking her agency in an effort to optimise her life. Programmer problems, right? We can't help but try to fix every function.

4. Being a domme means I get to uplift someone every time I do my task well. Receiving worship and passing on love and comfort drives me, I love seeing people flourish under me, becoming happier and smarter.
Being a sub means I get to worship and feel at peace while knowing I contribute to a cyclic joy, every hug, every act of service, every whispered thank you, that fuels my goddess which helps everyone else in turn. I also love creating technology for my domme which is a huge plus in TPE settings.

5. Autism. The single greatest strength for analytical and system thinking is my biggest weakness for communication both in the goddess and devotee roles. It's not insurmountable but it takes more work.