Help a beginner?

I’ve been into kinks and bdsm for a long time but I’ve only consumed it through media like movies and fanfics but um how do I go about this in person? I’m single, I’ve only ever been in one relationship and it was abusive so I left, so where do I go? What do I do to like get into the space? Cuz I’m 20 and am not sure if I’m allowed at clubs or bars

Take your time, do your research first, learn the theory of things, the things you are interested in, the safe/mitigated way to do the activities you think you might enjoy, ask lots of questions, learn about the ins and outs/how to recognise the various types of abusive people you might encounter, but above all be patient, do not allow yourself to be sweet talked/rushed into doing anything, try to avoid going mad in the sweet/candy-shop/store otherwise know as sub-frenzy, a state that is very dangerous, as self-preservation, recognising dodgy people and situations, common sense gets swept away by a kind of craziness to just do it, and do it all, right now, with anyone.

I would avoid sound bite, shallow tic toc info, but instead read and watch submissives guide you-tube channel, website, Loving BDSM website/you tube channel, and there are a good number of excellent books out there too, the New Bottoming Book, or the New Topping Book, The Loving Dominant, Screw the Roses Send Me the Thorns to name a few.

Knowledge is power, its the best way to keep yourself safe, as that knowledge allows you to see who is genuine and who isn't, who knows how to do the things they say they can, and safely, with skill.Take the next period, until you are 21 to do all the theory learning you can, that then will serve you well for when you do enter the in-person spaces. I would suggest queer/trans friendly spaces first, as sadly many more cis/het ones are not very safe for queer people.

I am excited for you, you have your whole life ahead of you to explore and learn, I wish I had done so, rather than later in life. Stay safe.

Wait this is awesome yea several doms over the age of forty five have been in my DMs and stuff I do not want that big of an age gap especially since I’m so inexperienced it just felt like they would take advantage of me so I blocked them

Those guys always show up no matter what gender a given identified sub --- identifies with. They gravitate to the "inexperienced" thing. Human nature, I'm afraid.
In my experience , before I "retired" from the game was to reply: "Sorry, I'm going in a different direction"

Kind of like what a hiring boss tells a job applicant that they don't want to hire will say instead of the more brutally honest, "You suck. Get outta here."

The end result is they go away on their own. Not even horn-dogs enjoy wasting time.

These days my Inbox is blissfully empty save for one or two good and platonic dudes because I put at the top of my profile blah in prominent letters: "Not Looking".
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But that's not where you're at so just go with what I started out saying, These not-quite-geezers will pop up like dandelions. Don't be discouraged, be honest and they go away, often with no hard feelings. They're just "casting a line" so to speak. The good ol' "Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained" crap.

Good luck. Do your homework and once you hit 21 you'll be at least somewhat prepared for the experience. The rest comes with... experience!

MM

I agree with the comments above, hit the nail head. But there may be some value in discussing your ideas, preferences, etc. with someone older, someone with experience. They have been in the LS for a greater period of time and I believe want to help others. All said with the caveat above, don't waste your time or get caught up in the frenzy, You get lost and run away. Nothing to do with gender or self assigned label.

When I first became involved, I was so new the paint wasn't dry. I chatted with and submissive female with a STAR, since I was not a premium member. I tried to be respectful and a few took me under their wing. At first, if they said "breast" or "pussy" I would flush, lost for words. They taught me by conversation, kindness and care. I am deeply appreciative and although I didn't physically meet any of them, they remain in my thoughts these years later. My point is, the age gape is a "thing" of you let it be, and the way you let it be. I was born the year after the wheel was invented so what do I know about technology. I can provide honest discussion within my knowledge and point you elsewhere if I don't know. Lean on these kind folks giving you advice. We all took that first step once upon a time. Good Luck.

You don't need to respond to every message. Focus only on the ones that are respectful and don't pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. You have every right to decline anything you aren't interested in. If does not feel right just hang up if someone not following rules saying send nudes or do tasks end the conversation report block. They need to honor you and respect you and keep showing it.

There is no need to submit to anyone or follow demanding orders. Building a meaningful connection takes time, and people should get to know you on that level first.


Getting Started they have some advice in the magazine: https://thecage.co/magazine,219.html
Other Cage Entries Magazine: https://thecage.co/library.php

I'm 72 years old and have been in the lifestyle longer than most people on here have probably been alive.

My advice is simple. Always put safety first above all else.

Don't take people's word for their experience. If you are in doubt ask questions. If you are still in doubt, ask someone you trust.

Respect has to be earned and that is a two way street. Noone that you have not made a comment to,has a right to demand anything of you.

That said, be respectful and you will earn respect. That doesn't mean letting anyone run over you.

Good luck,and safe journey.

Wolf