What makes a person safe?

To me, a person demonstrates they are safe when they consistently show you that you can be your true self with them (quirky, funny, nerdy, serious, stoic, what have you, Dominant, submissive, kinky or vanilla and even a bit boring at times) and they accept you as you are without any attempt to change you other than to help you become the absolute best version of yourself.

I like how you listed both the openness and ability to learn, which demonstrates the ability to grow, as well as the ability to hold space for one another as areas that prove and provide safety to you. I would agree.

[quote="K a e' l"]

And how is that experience first investigated in order to discover *IF* further interest is present?

Youtube.

I wouldn't discount YouTube learning quite so quickly. I learned how to knit using YouTube because I had no one around me to learn from, and when I DID have people to learn from, it wasn't consistent.

I get your point...those who ONLY use YouTube and think that is the end all/be all are not what *I* would consider safe as well, but YouTube *IS* a resource that can be utilized.

Agreed SBD. It is excellent for investigation. Proclaiming "I am a Master Electrician" not as much.

Honesty, of which there is a huge lack, not just here, but on other sites bdsm related. So not being foundationally honest, is one thing that makes people in kink/bdsm unsafe - those active in kink spaces, with no experience, those active in kink spaces, online or in-person, with no consent from their vanilla/kink partners to be active there - to name a few very common lies.

@Literate Lycan,

That consistency is so important, I agree.


@dollMaker,

Honesty is a great one. So true. Thank you for contributing.

As I understand it, all previous responders have indicated that actions and words demonstrating consistent reliability and honesty, fostered trust, appreciation, respect, understanding and accountability are the foundations for feeling safe. I guess there may be general markers that establish those behavioural foundations, but the actualisation of them may look different across different relationships.

For me, I would look at those markers and at the same time check in with myself to understand how it differs from relationships where I felt unsafe. What stood out was the self-awareness and the level of truth and security they had with themselves. I felt safe when I could feel their intention as genuinely about my wellbeing, wanting the best for me and the care for me as a person as priority before any preconceived notions about what the dynamic should/will be. It was built slowly, collaboratively, with openness, patience and great care; it focused on us, without the distractions or ideals outside of that. There never felt like any other agenda. He truly got pleasure from my flourishing. My self care is still very much my priority and ongoing responsibility to him.

Very simple,
A strong connection on both sides equal to each other and consistent in:
Unconditional, unwavering love, dedication that is not work but a desired priority.
Mutual, undeniable attraction.
The inability to push Him away or control things because He leads despite my best efforts.
No one in a monogamous or poly relationship on either side =Meeting of the minds 🔥
My first very healthy split was Master Ron. He brought out the best in me, and came to visit in December (my blogs).
Fabulously paired partnerships unleash the kink and BDSM becomes pure joy on high levels.
This is why we read such pain upon dissolution of such here on the blogs.
Master Ron barely had to lift a finger to snatch me back. I wished my first Master and i shared half this much. We did not as He had other obligations in His life. One person with love that endures, is not enough to carry both. The safer we feel, the harder it is for anyone else to get what you share with the one.
Master Ron and i were each others only choice That made a world of difference to loyalty.
🎶 and i swear, you’re just like a pill, instead of making me better- you keep makin’ me ill! 🎶