What's one thing you learned only later to realize it isn't right?

Let's go way back to when we first saw or heard the term B.D.S.M. It doesn't matter if you saw it in a book, magazine, movie, porn, or on the internet.

What is one thing you had been told, taught, learned, or assumed about B.D.S.M/Kink that just isn't true?

We've all grown and have had good, bad, and ugly experiences. But let's see what we've learned and can still learn from each other.

What's one thing you learned only later to realize it isn't right?

We have heard speakers at events talk about this for years. As you have indicated, magazines, books, porn, movies, the internet, etc. all can give misleading information.

For us, since we have been in the kink world for decades and seen so much, probably thinking that we had do what we saw others do would be at the top of the list. We had to learn that this is OUR lifestyle and not anyone else should tell us what we should or should not do. As long as something is done with mutual consent, it usually is fine to do.

When I was a teenager in the 90s, there was this idea (still floating around I think) that anyone who was interested in BDSM had something wrong with them - some sort of abuse or a personality disorder or something like that that. It just made me curious. I slinked around the alt.net groups, read some bdsm literature (Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty series, some 18th century lit, Exit to Eden...okay, so maybe Anne Rice had a lot to do with my interest), and finally came to the conclusion that, while I'm not interested in every aspect I was reading about, I was definitely interested in a lot of things.

I pity the people who don't bother looking into a topic that may unsettle them. They might find that they really are interested or at least curious. Shoot, they may even find that it's not for them, but they understand why someone else may enjoy it.