I genuinely think I'm losing my mind.

I genuinely think I'm losing my mind.

Cheesecake94​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2018

So my dom who I've been in a relationship with now for 2 years or so has had to go away for a fair few months.
I'm losing my marbles. He's not just my dom but my soul protector and keeps me on the straight and narrow every day, we knew this was coming and we thought I was prepared but I'm really struggling with day to day life without him here. Everything is normally structured and routine and now that's all gone out the window. I'm trying to stick to the way things are done but I've found myself feeling slightly lost. Has any other subs been through this? Does it get easier or will all the time he's spent reassuring me going to go to pot? I can't even ring him! I know I'm coming across a bit cringey but im rather dependant on him. I don't feel safe. What do I do? Doms what would you do? Or even suggest? Please anyone help!

Truly a woman on the edge of what feels like insanity.
X

WetWhenWhipped88​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2018

Are you without communication? He could give you a list of tasks and make you do a video walk-through to ensure that you stuck to your task list that day.

I know that sometimes, especially in military situations, there is little to no communication throughout the day. If that is the case, then I think that you have to make yourself a schedule/routine and try to stick to it rigidly. Maybe take up a new hobby? I know that it sounds extremely lame, but I have found that knitting is a great way to pass time and focus on something trivial.

Cheesecake94​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2018

Yes communication is very limited so that doesn't help at all, Ive got my daily checklist which I get through by about 2pm, I've picked up some extra shifts at work to fill in the gaps and volunteer a day a week as well but I'm finding the evenings to be a bit of a bother. For example someone knocked on the front door this evening, genuinely had a borderline anxiety attack because of it. I don't know I guess it's just hard having to adapt and not screw it up by slipping back into old habits and things.

WetWhenWhipped88​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2018

That is very difficult. I am sorry that I do not have the experience to be able to assist you. I have 2 children and 3 dogs, so there is never a moment of quiet or still in my life.

Would your dom be open to a new pet to fill your time and build new habits while he is away? That could, of course, be a horrible idea. Haha. I collect needy things when I feel lonely.

Cheesecake94​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2018

I already have a cat who hates me ? it's really nice of her to let me pay the rent. To be honest I think if I bought a new pet home he'd only be slightly annoyed because let's be honest who doesn't like small furry things? But alas I think it would finally give the cat the excise she's been looking for to bump me off ?

Cheesecake94​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2018

I already have a cat who hates me. it's really nice of her to let me pay the rent. To be honest I think if I bought a new pet home he'd only be slightly annoyed because let's be honest who doesn't like small furry things? But alas I think it would finally give the cat the excuse she's been looking for to bump me off lol

WetWhenWhipped88​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2018

Haha! Cats are pure evil. I am the only kitty allowed in my house.

Dogs also provide you with a feel of protection. My 3, all girls, alert me if anyone comes into the yard and make anyone who rings my bell back up and hesitate. Two of the three are quite large, though I have had them since pups. I also found a lot of fear and anxiety when I began living with my dom, because he was at work all day and I was home alone with the kids. The dogs definitely helped me feel safe and gave me something to focus on while he wasn't home.

Satindragon{Not Lookin} • Nov 2, 2018

Take a step back and breath. Being on your own can be quite stressful. Just remember he has faith in you. You just have to have faith in you. If you are afraid to be alone try taking a self defense class while he's gone. One self defense tip...buy a can of wasp and hornet spray. It sprays farther than pepper spray and can be used indoors or out and can even be carried in your car. If you answer the door with wasp spray in your hand, it's not a big deal. Stay busy and he will be home in no time. Think how proud he will be if you can keep calm and on task.

WetWhenWhipped88​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2018

Satindragon, that is an amazing simple tip that I had never even considered!

It is also much cleaner and less expensive than a puppy!

I feel a sudden urge to go to the hardware store.

Cheesecake94​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2018

I've been on my own for a month now, the first couple weeks weren't so bad but now the anxiety is starting to settle back in (bad history of m/h) which he helped me through and I don't want that back. I'll definitely be investing in a can on wasp spray to keep handy. I'm trying really hard to take a step back and breath but it's just hit me like a tonne of bricks how much I depend on him and how much he actually does in terms of taking care. I'm never normally like this, I'm miss confident who pushes the boundaries with him and I happy ol' ray of sunshine. I just don't want to let him down :/
Im reading this back and thinking to myself Jesus Christ vik get a grip of yourself you sound so bloody incapable and desperate but it's really getting to me at the moment.