Experiencing dysphoria (ftm)

Experiencing dysphoria (ftm)

BiSwitch​(switch gender fluid) • Nov 1, 2018

I am female but do not enjoy being referred to as such. I love my Master and believe he wants the best for me but he doesnt use my preferred name nor preferred pronouns, which I told him he doesn't have to, but it can cause some issues. Like, getting called a good girl can make me feel glorified sometimes but other times, I wanna get called a good boy or something so I rebel. Hard. And sometimes I have breakdowns and it all shuts me off from being able to enjoy anything with my dom. Does anyone have advice?

Lady Lushavore​(dom female) • Nov 2, 2018

Sometimes it can get tedious to have the conversation that 'I'm feeling more feminine today' and having to explain yourself.

An idea to consider, that may appeal to you, is some sort of way to show that 'these pronouns describe me during this play/scene'. Perhaps you have two different collars that are color coded (or something similar) and by presenting it for them to place on you will help indicate those hints to your master.

~Lady Lushavore

Hawkeye • Nov 2, 2018

It sounds like the problems you are having is not with your Dom but in fact with yourself. Gender here is insignificant. The real question is are you submissive or dominant? A submissive does not tell their dominant their preference (and expect it to be followed)or what to do. It sounds like you are assuming the submissive role here. If I'm wrong, please correct me. Being a submissive woman is a long and tedious road. Only the strong survive. Your master will guide you if you choose to follow.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 2, 2018

Struggling with gender is a valid and complex issue.


I agree with Lady Lushavore, this seems to be a problem with the self.

Have you considered becoming non binary and using pet names or terms without gender until you have a better footing of understanding yourself?

BiSwitch​(switch gender fluid) • Nov 2, 2018

I guess the problem is I know I would feel better if i could establish either of your ideas. However it's difficult cuz I don't want to like... I don't know... I should bring it up again though, right? I like the sound of the collars, too

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 2, 2018

Going through a transition is deeply deeply complex. You cannot be expected to be okay during your initial transition and for some time afterwards. It's okay to be confused. It is okay to fight yourself to feel like you're doing the right thing. It is okay to have everything feel like a mountain when you are transitioning especially gender honorifics.

So take as much pressure off of yourself as you can.

You sound like you have an amazingly patient dominant who is willing to work with you. In that you have gold.

Non binaries use "they" or sometimes "it" in referring to themselves.

Pet names can be anything.

Hawkeye - A Question Asked From Sincere Curiosity and Respec

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Nov 2, 2018

It seems to me - and I concede that I know very little - that in this case the sub's preference should be taken into account because it goes to a level deeper than D/s and reaches their essential personhood. To me it would be something to be addressed during negotiation and I don't think I'd feel it was out of line. I might refuse to use the preferred pronoun as a part of discipline but generally I can't see the problem. I can fully accept that I'm off base on this and I would like to hear your thoughts.

Thank-you.

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Nov 2, 2018

Lady Lushavore​ - I think the two collar colours as part of negotiation is a great idea.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Nov 4, 2018

I used to play with a fluid gender that has now fully transistorized (mtf). We used two colored hair scrunchies that got put on a wrist to indicate "gender" to me. These could also be removed or swapped during play by the submissive (we also used this out of play as a general "sign"). It allowed me to track hesdspsace easier too. Eventually I learnt to read body language and gestures...but it did take time.

We would begin with both scrunchies on the right wrist, gender neutral. This allowed either a "pink" or "blue" scrunchie (I know cliche but it worked) to be singled out, placed on left wrist, if the need arose. I knew what was on that wrist, was very much in the moment and could use appropriate terms, pronouns and pet names

Like ladylushmore suggested: We then moved on to the two collars system when Cle's gender became more stable (please note I am not saying your gender needs to be stable) Choice of gender denoting collar by this stage was personal.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Nov 4, 2018

opps apologies. I wrote Lady lushmore and should of been Lady Lushavore. Dyslexia at its finest