Failed relationships, I'm the only one, right?

Failed relationships, I'm the only one, right?

nella_bmar​(other gender queer){sissy - un} • Apr 9, 2017

Dad's had 3 wives, so lets get that psych out of the way, sure I'm never happy, always wanting more, but I'm loyal, and they leave me...

The worst failure was the biggest leap:

early 30's I had broken up with wife, broken up with gf's , basically kept to my self for a whopping 3 weeks without crying every day.
I worked for the 4rth year at the university, and was still alone surrounded by people.
and then I met her.

She was visiting Calgary for a doctor, her new born wasn't more than 2 months, and she was alone in Calgary, dominant in her hungers, but needy in her situation,
I met her at her lil hopsice and though I couldn't help her financially, I was there for her in what ever she asked for. she enjoyed my touch, and I was drowning in her attention.

After a week of fun, she had to go back to her lil town 5 hrs away, and I took the plunge, I wanted to be her sub, dropped my work and moved in to do what she asked:
clean 3 hrs a day
submit to her online video fun for an hour
give her massages,
cook
go out to dance clubs as her "male companion"

she introduced me to friends, and family as her boyfriend, but a few of her more kinky friends knew the truth.

although she enjoyed displaying me online, at home she jealously hid who we were, and I didn't think of it then, but I may have pushed that envelope?

at the time her friend knew we were kinky, even had a 3some of phonesex with her once, but I gave her a back massage at her request with my Lady right there, she didn't stop me then, but when her friend left, I was kicked to the curb.. I literally lost everything that night and crawled my way home to Calgary.

I blamed it on her being insanely jealous, but years later, I'm not 100% sure it wan't embarrasement on her part..
I doubt I'll ever get closure, or her back..

UndiefetishDaddy​(dom male) • Apr 10, 2017

I'm sorry that happened to you.
Though, there is an obvious flaw in her as a Dom. She didn't communicate with you. She didn't give you clear cut lines not to cross. That is a fatal flaw in any relationship for a Dom. No communication puts a definite time limit on any relationship.

Villanelle​(staff) • Apr 10, 2017

I'd agree with Undiefetish here - there seems to have been a communication disconnect. I've heard a number of subs say that they believe being submissive means "shutting up and putting up" and I don't believe that's the case. Yes, there are plenty of times I've told my sub to stfu or when I expect silence, but without constant communication our D/s relationship would quickly flounder. You can't be an effective dominant or submissive without asking your partner how something feels, what they are thinking, how are they doing, etc., etc.

I'd suggest to you not to spend too much time looking backwards but that instead you take your experience and arm yourself with some newly found wisdom moving forward. Remember, you only have to get it right once and no one has a 100% success rate.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you will benefit from some of the advice you receive here and share your own in turn.

Lily Keelia • Apr 10, 2017

D/s relationships are particularly hard to get over, due to their intensity. I had one relationship as a sub/slave, and when it ended I was so torn apart that I swore off the lifestyle. Yet, here I am, back to give it another go around. This time as a Domme, which, apparently is my true calling. I'm not saying that would work for you, of course.

I do feel your pain. My one relationship as a sub was with someone who didn't have my best interests at heart, even though I believed He did. He left the relationship without a word and I didn't even know it was over until I didn't hear from him for days on end. Even then, I continued to make excuses in my mind and went through a rather long denial phase. It's been over 14 years since I heard from him, so I guess it's over. lol. Yes, I can joke about it now, but at first, it was the worst pain I've ever been through.

I'm so sorry you went through this.

Ms. Lily

Dominant Women- Submissive Men

M Wes​(switch male){None} • Apr 11, 2017

One thing that puzzles me, how does one truly find himself/herself a dom or sub, if he/she feels himself/herself being pulling one way or another, but mostly one way, with hints mostly one way more than the other. (Oh, please don't ask me to write that again, don't believe I did it once!)

And can a prospective dom/sub even pick up on a dom/sub with these mixed feelings?

I know, I've been told I look into things too deeply, but, unfortunately for me, that's me.

Lily Keelia • Apr 11, 2017

I don't understand the question.

M Wes​(switch male){None} • Apr 12, 2017

Sorry, that's my ADD running wild: how does a person who may be in the middle actually determine if they may be dom/domme or a sub. Sorry for the confusion.

Lily Keelia • Apr 12, 2017

There is no reason one can't be both.

Villanelle​(staff) • Apr 12, 2017

I agree with Lily - you don't have to choose. There are no rules to D/s other than the ones you make for yourself based on your personal morality and of course, the law. One's feelings can vary dramatically from relationship to relationship. Someone might inspire you to feel more dominant, others more submissive. Many of us have firmly determined that submission or domination is 'IT', but for others it's an evolving and fluctuating spectrum. The most important thing to do is enjoy yourself, be safe, and don't let anyone else tell you how you should enjoy yourself.

M Wes​(switch male){None} • Apr 13, 2017

Thank you. Now, to work on how to work all that out. As usual, y'all just. Great.