emotional masochism

rosethorn​(sub female) • Dec 4, 2018

Its something where you need to know each other so well you don't cause harm, you know limits and triggers to avoid but it can be fun in an imp sort of way thanks, i struggle to explain it sometimes.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 4, 2018

I know that there are a lot of Masters put there that enjoy micromanaging there s types.

It connects to their sense of Mastery.

I'm not one of them.

Let me ask-- not a judgment --- just a question.



When does the Master get to rest and just have you serve without their attention?

rosethorn​(sub female) • Dec 4, 2018

Although its emotional masochism... its not (for me) micromanagement i would actually find that really offensive

rosethorn​(sub female) • Dec 4, 2018

This is where it gets difficult to explain, imp tendancies are there so its more like a dance in my experience

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 5, 2018

So- bear with me- I'm trying to understand.


You had written the competition with the self that also satisfies the Master.


You enjoy the stress of, let's say a time constraint ?

Freya369 • Dec 5, 2018

I am very new to this particular realm of experience, but I am learning fast!

My background is in psychology, and obviously more recently my own personal sexual psychology has come under scrutiny. I too have tried to understand my behaviour and its varied aspects, but, I think most of us are aware, that "sexuality" and how it does and does not manifest, is for many a very taboo subject. Certainly, many in the general public are not queuing up to examine their own lives, let alone their sexuality, and get very defensive or just ignore that studies are suggesting that we seem to have a very limited and ill informed view of sexual function.

This has the effect of creating, abuses of all kinds, confusion, ignorance, misinformation, shame, and lack of joy and happiness in what was provided to us and should be a life affirming experience.

I want to commend the original post and subsequent comments for what seems to be a genuine attempt to examine what is going on in one's life! In my journey in "vanilla word" which in my experience has been every bit as "problematic" as stated in the previous paragraph. These so called "normal" manifestations lead to resignation for fast numbers of people to an unfulfilled and stunted sexual experience. Often, with many in all age groups living without sex altogether!

One of the up sides of the kinds of conversation that can take place between potential partners in this community is the necessity for as much honest disclosure as we can muster. It does not always happen, and it certainly does not guarantee any more successful outcomes than vanilla world, but with practice it can be done in manner that is more direct and helpful.

What I got from the original post, was that the person was observing how their energy was moving and manifesting in their life, I think this is invaluable and may lead to some amazing discoveries for any one brave enough to continue.

Because I don't know about you, shouldn't we all know who and what we are?

F

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Dec 5, 2018

more like a Tango dance

Also Freya369, unless I am wrong Rosethorn is not talking about a sexual experience but pure mental masochism? but I am not psychologist....

Freya369 • Dec 5, 2018

I just think her mental masochism leads to her behaviour...no matter what that form takes. In posing her description she really raises some really interesting thoughts about, not only her own psychic structure, be she has really got me delving more deeply into my own! I am just as much in the dark about many things, but we shall continue!

Cithaeria • Dec 5, 2018

I think there are too many interpretations of “emotional instability “ to draw a rational conclusion. Like almost everything else in bdsm, the grey area makes it difficult to see a clear path toward the right decision. A lot falls into the category of “ what works for the individuals involved “.
Personally, separating emotional and physical masochism is akin to not including dentistry as part of healthcare.
I’ve had relationships that were solely emotionally masochistic and all it did was make me crave a physical manifestation of the same pain that was equally intense.

rosethorn​(sub female) • Dec 5, 2018

Firstly, a big thank you to everyone who is involved and developed this conversation, Im still learning myself and one of the reasons I love this lifestyle is the openness and honesty of having conversations like this.
Secondly maybe some insight would help?
I can only speak for myself and not for others.
So... erm where to start? (also for everyone else involved in this conversation feel free to jump in )
For me, this is still a journey I am on, I have NEVER like physical masochism except in one aspect … edging. For me this is where the two link up but not in the way you may think, its more a transaction of the power dynamic that I enjoy. (Not breath play).
I have at some points craved the physical side too but its best to avoid psychological triggers and well just be sensible. (to my mind anyway).
so again for me an example might be … (I basically crave control in my own life and handing it over is hard at times but a wonderful time too, that I can trust someone that much) a night out to the theatre... I cant pick what we see or the other person knowing how uncomfy making choices that I enjoy is for me can make me pick, this is where and why you need to know the other person very well, its not a case of I hate horror films so im made to watch one, that's too simple and well I would walk out.... make of that what you will. Now picking something like a documentary or play I have wanted to see for ages and wont let myself (this is where its an interesting dynamic, I will not let myself enjoy things without permission regardless of having a Dom or not, consider it a tendency of mine) this literally applies to everything and yes it can make life for my Dom a living hell at times (im sorry). So say during this night out, he picks a play I have wanted to see for years and not let myself, I find the whole thing of enjoying the night very very uncomfy. I enjoy and feel reassured by constantly being on edge, its like permission is needed to relax, paying the bill is another one I hate and if im treated I seriously have to bite my tounge or I pay on the way to the bathroom... depends what mood im in . That's where the BDSM comes into play as its part of a power dynamic, so if someone is physically masochistic here there would be spanking... for me I wouldn't say no but well its boring and predictable, here could be me teasing for the next hour and constantly being told no instead or a form of edging (if they are displeased). I am very comfy in situations that may people find difficult or uncomfy. Think of the suicide squad scene where Quinn dances with the other guy... yes ive done that too... (obviously both me and the Dom I was with where stable, so the ending was very different).