I feel like you need to be a sub before being a dom

I find myself thinking “what would a “perfect” dom be like?” And for sure they’d have to be understanding of what the sub is going though and what it feels like from their point of view. I feel like that’s the only way to be a dom and really know you’re doing something right. It’s not common but I’ve seen subs turn into doms and they’re the most understanding best doms because they KNOW what it’s like from the subs point of view. But then again there’s some doms who are just dom by nature I guess. I just wanna know some thoughts on this

I don't think I could be a sub, personally; or at least I couldn't be a good one. The closest I ever got was a one night stand with a switch who tried being on top and hurting me (twisting my nipple if I recall), but they gave up almost immediately when their efforts produced no reaction whatsoever. Imagining myself even trying to be a sub and all I can see myself doing is going through the motions like a robot completely detached from the experience. I can't speak for all doms, obviously, but a sub like that really wouldn't work for me. I wouldn't feel like I was giving up control so much as just choosing to do what I was told; Westley-at-the-beginning-of-The-Princess-Bride energy.

Does that make me a dom by nature? I don't know. I'm not convinced there is such a thing as a "natural dominant". I think that's just a thing assholes use to justify bad behavior. Outside of kink contexts I am not a controlling person and don't want to be responsible for telling everyone what to do. In kink contexts it's really the only way I can imagine being though: reveling in all the power they've given to me and feeding off the Dom/sub energy cycle between us.

Your point, in my opinion, does have some merit. But no matter how flat you make a pancake, there's always two sides.

My Dom & I have attended events both in person and online for decades. One of the things that stuck with us was a Kink Master that said, "Your submission should be as unique as your fingerprint". We always tell people to replace the word 'submission' with whatever fits your situation - dynamic, lifestyle, etc.

Don't be concerned as much on what your role or your partner's role is. The important thing is to allow time to see if your partner is compatible with the lifestyle each of you are seeking. It's not necessary to be a sub to become a good Dom. You just have to be understanding and patient with each other. Unfortunately, we have seen through the years that too many people have been infected with "pornification". They get too many wrong ideas from porn & movies instead of being themselves.

My Dom has never been a sub, and likewise, I have never been a Dom. Our Femdom relationship has worked well for us, but keep in mind that nothing is "One Size Fits All". Relax and be yourself - you may be surprised how wonderful you are at what you do.