Help With Increasing My Tolerance to Pain

Help With Increasing My Tolerance to Pain

Crissub​(sub female) • Apr 9, 2019

Hi - I am new to D/s and new to BDSM. I have met a Dom on this site who seems like he might be a good fit for me except for one detail. It seems that my limit to pain is little for him.He said he will want to use clamps on my nipples on the softest setting to start, spank me, and bite me (starting softly but building over time) and a few more things.

He is forcing me to educate myself about BDSM and S/m before he is willing start any kind of relationship. He believes it will take at least 3 months before I could understand enough about the lifestyle to give informed consent to serve as a sub. He has been very patient, explained much to me and pointed out that I want too much, too fast. He said it is called sub frenzy.

Whether or not he and I can form an arrangement, I know that many other Doms like to give some amount of pain as well. I'm thinking I should at least explore whether I can learn to like or at least tolerate more pain than I can now. Who knows, maybe I will even come to enjoy some level of pain someday.

Is there anything I can do to help me get more comfortable with pain? For example, are there exercises I can try or things I can do each day to become more tolerant? Are there books or websites that might help with this?

Thank you for your help.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Apr 9, 2019

Ok. He is right about sub feenzy. Stop and breath.....

And NOT ALL DOMS hand out extreme pain or even pain for that fact .Yes there m a ybe be sound pain at times.

" Is there anything I can do to help me get more comfortable with pain? For example, are there exercises I can try or things I can do each day to become more tolerant?"

First thing first. Becomeing more comfortable or tolerant to the pain . i wonder who this is for you or the dom.... To me if you dont enjoy something.. Even a little bit then why do it.

What im saying by that is that any responsible, true dom will listen to ur limits and understand them. Now yes they will push things from time to time. But there should be safety words .

As far as books , websites, or exercises? Mmmm. Not that im aware of.

Also here is another thing i see that. That according to ur profile u jut found out 2 weeks ago ( as of 4/6) that wat you like is simply having to do with a sub behavior. Also that u have only been here since 4/6.

So i am wondering is this with a dom you met here , or locally?

Help with increasinh my tolerance to pain

Crissub​(sub female) • Apr 9, 2019

Alaway, thank you for your comments. They are all good. However, I probably didn’t explain myself well.

The Dom (yes we met on the Cage), is NOT pushing me. He is someone who I have an interest in, an interest he says is premature. I know that this may go nowhere.

When I learned that what he prefers relative to pain is different than what I’m comfortable with, I thought I should at least look to see if more pain may really do something for me. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t but I want to explore that just like I’m exploring many things about D/s relationships. He mentioned sub frenzy, you shared your concerns about other issues. Right now, I'm a sponge.

Though he has provided me with some very good sites, he said he didn’t know where information on how to expand my interest and tolerance related to pain could be found. He suggested I put this post up.

He has been nothing but helpful and a gentlemen. He is not pushing to go faster, he is pushing me to go slower. If he turns out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing, I will deal with him on that at that time. So far, so good.

ropefish • Apr 10, 2019

Sooooo, my two cents. Specifically regarding finding out whether or not pain will be at all enjoyable to you.

I do not and have never considered myself a masochist. I do not like pain for pain's sake, and I would say my tolerance is fairly low. Despite that, I have really, really enjoyed very painful experiences while submitting.

For me, the context has to be there. When I'm in subspace, when my entire existence revolves around pleasing my partner, I find I enjoy pain. It heightens the mental aspect and my sense of submission. "I'm enduring this pain to make you happy. I want to please you more than I want this to stop. I want to be your good girl." It's that kind of headspace for me. And in that headspace, oftentimes I find myself wanting more afterwards!

I think for those of us who aren't masochists, self-training and conditioning will only go so far. Sure, your pain tolerance may go up. But for the pain to be enjoyable, I think that connection has to be present.

Anyway, I hope everything works out! Good luck ^^

Herra​(dom male) • Apr 10, 2019

nawazakana, that is a subtlety I've seen but the significance of it never gelled in my brain with the clarity you've presented. That should help the OP by providing other options to consider.

Bunnie • Apr 10, 2019

Hi @ Crissub,

There is a way to train yourself to enjoy pain. I came across an article very early in my journey geared towards Sadists on how to “create” a masochist. Whilst I don’t agree that you can “create” one out of thin air, I do believe that you can take baby steps to build your pain tolerance over time if it’s something you’re already interested in to some degree.

How? Arousal and Orgasms. Ikr... yay

For some (I’m sure scientific) reason beyond my scope, our pain tolerance becomes higher when we’re aroused. You can use this to “train” yourself to tolerate more and more pain.

For example... begin masturbating... keep going until you’re at the point where you know it’s not much longer before you really want to cum... then try introducing your clamps. A way of building up, could be to introduce them earlier and earlier, until just the thought of having the clamps on makes you wet.

Something to experiment with anyway.

However, please be responsible. Remember SSC and RACK. Don’t push yourself too far too fast. And if it hurts in a bad way, stop doing it.

There’s no rush... build up slowly and enjoy the journey

Crissub​(sub female) • Apr 10, 2019

Thank you, nawazakana. I'm probably not ready to try that now but that's an important lesson to learn for the future

Crissub​(sub female) • Apr 10, 2019

Bunnie, thank you. I apologize for not thanking you sooner. I'm on a business trip and had something unexpected happen right after I thanked nawazakana.

What you write sounds very helpful and logical. I'll do more research and not rush things.

Savida​(other female) • Apr 10, 2019

I will join the chorus of people saying you don’t ever have to try to be a masochist. I know someone who did self condition to like it more, but she did it for herself.

Can it be done? Yes, in some cases.

Should it be done? At this point, so early in the journey and with a dom already in the picture, I’d argue that discovering what you do like is a nicer safer introduction to all this than trying to push yourself to be more of something you aren’t comfortable with at this point.

Crissub​(sub female) • Apr 10, 2019

Thank you Savida
I will take it easy!!!