New To BDSM [doubts]

New To BDSM [doubts]

KillerAddiction​(switch female) • Apr 25, 2019

I've noticed [in my very short time of being here] that if you're not single you're not worth anyone's time.
I joined this site to help further my understanding of the BDSM community and where I belong in it and so far I have to say I'm disappointed...
While I completely understand that a large aspect of this site /is/ dedicated to others finding partners I had hoped to find some who are open to simply *talking* and guiding someone new [as I consider myself to be] through BDSM.
I'm having doubts if this is the place for me...thoughts?

NoOneofConsequence​(dom male){Taken} • Apr 26, 2019

Well, KillerAddiction, without knowing just what you've tried so far, it's difficult for me to say what you should do instead.

Personally, I have found the people here to be quite willing to engage in gentle discourse.

Checking your profile, I see that while you filled that in, you do not have a blog. Which is fine. However, it made me wonder if you have checked out the blogs page. I will concede that there are several (my own for example) that are probably not worth the electrons they are typed in. But, there are several from people on both sides of the slash (and some riding the fence) that are very good and thoughtful and thought provoking. That is where I started when a friend brought me snapping and snarling from where I was licking my wounds in my den into The Cage.

After a day or two of just going through all of the blogs, I wandered into the forums to pitch my nickel here and there on topics that caught my interest. (Or to rip off ideas to go back and blog about. ***grin***)

Tried the hot tub party going on in Chat, but quickly realized I struggle to keep up there (primarily since I've never been concise in my life and my hands on the keyboard don't function as well anymore).

***shrug***

It is, of course, up to you, KillerAddiction. But, I think you'll find The Cage is a lot like life in general. There are good people. There are assholes. There are shy introverts and boisterous extroverts. There are some who know where the clue phone is and others that try to stick a nickel in any slot they see.

We all came from somewhere, for our own reasons. We are all going elsewhere, again for our own reasons.

But, I hope you will find some joy, and maybe the knowledge you see here in The Cage. It's around. It's just finding it 'neath the chips and dips, chains and whips and then recognizing it for it's own merits.

MsNevermore​(other female) • Apr 26, 2019

There are many of us here for the same reason. To help others grow and in turn grow and evolve ourselves.
So what are you looking for ? Let's start the conversation.
To answer your first doubt. Yes you belong here and its perfectly okay not to know exactly where you will end up or who exactly you are yet.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Apr 26, 2019

I disagree.

You get out of it what you put onto it.

I like thecage

I like the forums and blogs.

Someone's relationship status does not
determine whether or not I read or respond to them

JohnBond​(dom male){Kitten} • Apr 26, 2019

There are a lot of active forums and a lot of people that post. Have you tried engaging in them?

Just looking over your profile it looks like you joined today, so do you mean that you haven't found anyone engaging since today?

I would say give it a little more time and perhaps find forum topics and blogs you enjoy and message those people. There are a lot of friendly people here who enjoy helping others and talking through things.

NCarraway​(dom male) • Apr 26, 2019

Miss addiction,

Sorry to hear you are having some doubts about this place. My own view is that this is one of the more behaved corners of the kinkweb and that is why I have stayed. Sure, it is far smaller than other sites, but the fact that it is far more educationally and socially oriented (and therefore less of a hook up site) means that a lot of the ne'er-do-wells lose interest after a while.

I would encourage you to stay and reach out to people in a way that makes it clear you are interested in connecting on an intellectual level. Forums are great for that and I have had many fascinating conversations off the back of initial contact on a forum. I personally am not into writing my own blog here but can see how it works for many people to generate real contacts.

Finally, on a practical note, it wasn't clear to me from your profile, at least straight away, that you were here for friendship only. I'd suggest that you make it super clear on your profile what it is you are looking for. I am also sorry to say that attractive photos of yourself will inevitably result in more unwanted advances from carousing suitors. If you have a lot of those people connecting you then it will definitely seem that people are only here for the hook up.

I hope you have better luck in the days to come

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Apr 26, 2019

I can definitely see how one can come off with this impression. A lot of people are very private about their involvement in the lifestyle. They want a partner to share that with, but don't want a circle of friends to socialize with about it. Others still may just be introverted and find it difficult.

All I can add is that I've met and talked with plenty of people here casually, and that I myself am open to making friends as well as finding a partner.

WhiteRoses​(sub female) • Apr 26, 2019

I joined for the same reason you did, potential friends and conversation. I am content to read and listen most of the time. You can find wonderful conversations here, entertaining drama, I am easily entertained by the way., and really fantastic people to learn from.

It's like a party, don't leave before the good stuff happens. Just ignore the ones trying looking for a quick fix. They aren't worth the effort and some still need to learn as well.

MstrMC​(sadist male) • Apr 26, 2019

Ms addiction

I agree with what you. I came to this site to find myself better understand what was needed in my life grow and explore. I spent the last 4 days with ppl thinking I only want their body’s not their mind etc etc. then I met a few ppl on here. Ppl that have become friends ppl I talk to about life not just bdsm but my job my hopes my troubles. There are ppl on here that will help you.

I know I am on here to talk to many different ppl and learn. If you want you can speak to me. If you perfer a female POV I can point you to one of my friends. We would love to help you with no exceptions or artier motives

Wiseonthree​(dom male) • Apr 26, 2019

Plenty of helpful people on this site, plenty of not so helpful people as well. It’s important to ask questions...feeling out your spot in this huge community is important.

If you have people that ONLY want to talk to you if you are not spoken for : they are the wrong people to be getting your answers from.

Ask questions, even the stupid ones, put yourself out there. Be yourself, and lastly very important ...have fun!

I get you are frustrated, but lots of people are ....er very interesting on this site. I’d not let them bother you, plenty of awesome people to counter those people.