Lack of Imagination

Lack of Imagination

BabyGirlFL​(sub female){His} • Apr 27, 2019

Being new to the lifestyle and only with my dom since November, my dom asks me what turns me on- what fantasies I have. I am up for almost anything between the two of us or others where no physical touch is involved, but aside from that I am not aware of any limits yet. He is very visual and has specific scenarios he likes but I am a bit inexperienced outside of vanilla or just lack imagination altogether. Even when I am masturbating I am into the sensation rather than a picture in my mind. Does anyone else have this? I feel I am just uncreative. But anything between the two of us that is new or the same where there is passion involved is a huge turnon for me, even the simplest of acts. Am I just vanilla?

MasterBear​(other butch) • Apr 27, 2019

You are in the place that everyone who begins bdsm starts with.

How do you know food what to order if you've never been in a restaurant before?

You dont know your boundaries - how can you? That makes perfect sense to me.

I good place to start is going through a bdsm checklist.

What piques your interest?

What is an automatic aversion?

In the beginning I was no kids, no animals, no scat/watersports, no blood, and so on...

Now it is simple--- no to anything that involves the inability to consent.


I didnt know my limits until I hit them. And those limits changed over time.

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Apr 27, 2019

Have you tried reading erotic novels? Understanding that it’s just fantasy and not reality, but it could help your imagination and give you ideas for scenarios you’d like to try. Which scenes make you cringe and which make you squeeze your thighs together? That’s a good starting point.

I don’t think I’m super creative either and that’s one (of the numerous) reason I choose a relationship in which my partner takes the lead.

Those that pray together stay together... ❤

Ilmare​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Apr 27, 2019

I probably have no real voice here as I have yet to find a dom for my sub. That being said, I would offer my perspective. I have no problem with fantasies except that I have no outlet. I am going to use what will probably go down in history as the worst analogy. But, here goes... (no hate mail please)

There are two types of prayer: Kataphatic and Apophatic.
Apophatic in simplest terms is without imagination or imagery. It has a purpose - no less - but it does not have to generate an image to be completed.
Kataphatic is the opposite. In an effort to bring the person closer to that which they seek in prayer, they would attempt to visualize being there.

In this situation, neither type of prayer is wrong. Some people experience an intense spiritual bond with apophatic prayer and just as intense as someone who uses kataphatic. It may be that in this sense, you are your dom are opposite. He may be fueled by fantasy while you are sustained by physical pleasure - by the act. And as you suggested, it may be that over time you will evolve - as will he.

It does not make you less creative. ❤

- ill

BabyGirlFL​(sub female){His} • Apr 27, 2019

I am unschooled in the types of prayer you used as an analogy, but I thank you for your response, and the others as well. I like the idea of the checklist and the novels, and we do pray together . As impatient as I feel about waiting, I feel special that he is taking his time introducing me to new things and learning me because he is playing for keeps. Me too. I am so thankful to have found this site and hope to find a female sub mentor who has been in the lifestyle for a while. Have a great day.

Ilmare​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Apr 27, 2019

Yes, it is a little heady and theological. My apologies. It was the first thing that popped into my head. The good news (as the others offered up suggestions) that active use of imagination can be cultivated - learned. ?

- ill

Bunnie • Apr 27, 2019

@ BabygirlFL,

How uncanny, I was just speaking of this very thing yesterday. I am exactly the same!

For myself, it’s not about the actions themselves... it’s about the connection whilst doing whatever it is we’re doing... it’s about allowing someone else to fulfill whatever they desire to explore... that’s what turns me on... being their “canvas” so to speak.

I don’t “fantasise” all that much at all. If I do, it’s usually based on past experiences. I joke that I don’t fantasise because I plan on doing it... not just imagining it lol.

I have often wondered (like you) if this is just lack of creativity or vanilla-ness. However, (like you) I tend to be up for most anything (so far) that has been suggested to me... so the above two reasons seem a bit defunct.

Perhaps it’s just how we are.

BabyGirlFL​(sub female){His} • Apr 27, 2019

@Bunnie,

Thanks for the feedback! Nice to have a kindred soul! I am learning a lot on here.

MsNevermore​(other female) • Apr 27, 2019

A game I play with myself is to think about what I wouldnt want and then come up with a but this would be nice type of list to start the thinking.
Read erotica. There are some pretty great writers here if you skim through the blogs. And picture yourself in them...you like? Continue the story in your mind. You dont like? What would you have wished it had been?
The answers are now your imagination to build from for you circumstance...

Oh, and don't try to overthink it....

Wiseonthree​(dom male) • Apr 27, 2019

At times the fantasy that they enjoy , isn’t the fantasy that you enjoy. So when it doesn’t do anything for you, it might just not be what you are into. Not to say that won’t change over time, but when you get deeper and get more experience you figure out those things that make your brain buzz.

If a scenario doesn’t spark anything for you, it’s okay to be honest. Lying is the worst thing you could do to your partner.

Practice makes perfect, and being new to the scene means you don’t know what makes you tick entirely. Experimentation is the scientific method of bdsm.

I do recommend trying out erotic novels. Might find some things that light up your brain with sparks of pleasure.