Is it probable

Is it probable

lilmeme​(sub female){Not collar} • May 9, 2019

I have a wonderful husband, he is caring, and loves me. We have been together for almost 20 years. We have raised kids together. Since the kids have moved out and a lot of things changed, I started to spiral down. I remember feeling like this many years ago, and a friend noticed it. He helped me by making me take responsibility for my actions. He held me accountable. He introduced me to myself really. He guided me. Unfortunately things happen and we went separate ways. For years I was ok not having a "him" . Then the last few years I started to want what I once had. I started to crave direction, guidance, rules, ect. I feel like pieces of me were flying away. So I talked to my husband and he tried, but he says that because he hates to be the bearer of any of my pain he isn't able to be dominate to me. I don't want to leave my husband, I just want to fill whole again. My husband understands my need and is willing to let me find it else where.

So my questions are :
Should I try to find a dominant that is willing to own a sub that is married?
Has anyone had a husband /wife and a dominant/submissive?
If so how did it work?

Just a side thought:
I keep seeing submission is a gift. { (He would say it to me also. ) In my experience my dominantion was a gift. It gave me life. So maybe subs and doms are gifts to each other?

Just Jessy​(switch gender queer){Owned} • May 9, 2019

I’m not married and definitely can’t help out with that side of things. However, I believe that doms and subs are definitely gifts to each other. That’s exactly how I feel in my d/s dynamics.

Good luck! I hope you find what you need!

CrimsonPaw • May 9, 2019

Sorry you're feeling the void. I know all too well what that's like. Since he's willing to let you explore outside of the marriage, maybe still keep him involved by helping you choose a Dom that's right for you. It can be done, but you'll need to juggle to make sure neither of them feel neglected by you. I wish you the best of luck. Have fun, play safe!

DrWakko • May 9, 2019

Its all about communication. Keep talking to your husband and keep explaining what you want and let him explain what he wants. Both of you have to realize and maybe set aside some time to talk after you start meeting others. Its one thing to say you are ok with it, but its another to watch your spouse get ready and go out with another person.

Good luck in this. It can be a tough road, but it can also be a great road for both of you.

DW

HGB​(sub female){Scottish M} • May 10, 2019

Thinking out loud hope makes sense. Can he do dominant in relationship without pain. My area has private and public dungeons where people go for play. Can you separate domination/submission from physical pain, play.
Can you have a marriage of Dom/ sub, with nonsexual play partners. I know several who fall into this. Does he fully understand what you want. Are you both talking about chocolate your describing dark and he's hearing flavored white. I say because what one explains and what one hears and perceives might be completely different. I wish you the best.

Mistress Phiona​(dom female) • May 10, 2019

I can only speak from my personal experience. But it sounds like your husband may also be more of a submissive. If he is ok with it, try including him. I have worked with a few couples and Find that if she is open to it, a female domme helps that need but also makes the husband more comfortable. Feel free to pm me if you have any other questions.

MasterBear​(other butch) • May 11, 2019

ABSOLUTELY its all workable.

There is a D type out there who would love a married s type.

I believe BDSM is a gift.

There is a lot of negotiation about time, sex, and play.

Be honest and if your hubby is also a go your options are wide open .

ADIDAS • May 15, 2019

Hi, I can say it seems we have a bit in common. I too have been in a long term vanilla marriage, (36 years) and I love him very much. Although I've always known I was different, I didn't know I was submissive until about 10 years ago. I didn't know there was this whole lifestyle and supportive community. Due to physical reasons, hubby hasn't been able, nor interested in sex or anything physical for about 15 years. I have explained to him my needs, what I am and want. He's not willing or able to provide that but he knows I have lots of toys to satisfy me, ( bdsm type toys that I've shown him and explained what they do, how it feels, etc) I haven't come right out and told him about my activities here but I suspect he knows . He's not stupid.
I explained to him that I need this to be a better person, wife to him. He has seen the difference in me. I have a very fulfilling, happy online relationship now that I've had for approx 10 months with MyDaddy. Being married hasn't stopped me, it's enhanced my ability to be a better spouse to my husband.
I know of other marriages that one has a Dom and the other is vanilla and is aware and accepts, approves even. The sub will be crabby and hubby will suggest that she go to her Dom and come back when she's feeling better, lol.... I'm just saying it not only works, it can make your marriage better, closer.

PM me to chat if you wish. Good luck!!

MsNevermore​(other female) • May 16, 2019

Being up front and honest with all involved is key. Sounds like you have a good foundation for that to succeed and continue with the open communication with your husband. Carry that through with any Potential Dominants or Tops you talk with. Explain it just as you have hear and it is very possible and have seen it work with others I am acquainted with.

If he is trying but feels lost as to give you what you need, Another option maybe to find a community near you and see if the husband is open to joining you in meeting others with similar interests at a munch. Talk to others and find someone maybe together. When ready or possible go to a party or such and together watch and talk about what you see and how it correlates to your needs. Let him be as much a part of the process as he is comfortable being.

There is a good book called 'When Someone you love is Kinky.' By Dossie Easton.

Read it together. Talk about it together.

sub4ALPHADOM​(sub male) • May 17, 2019

it's a cliche but honesty is the best policy. don't make him wrong (you hav'nt) but announce the first three steps of the way you would like to go. ypu may be at the end so go carefully - can he come too or are you a your really plannig solo flight? i feel for you both - rmember----honesty, good luck