What is a Protector?

What is a Protector?

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • Aug 5, 2019

Ok so I'm dumb at times but I have to ask , what exactly is a protector? What do they do? Why do you need one? How would that work on line? Why do they want to protect? And from what? Isn't it just a friend looking out for a friend?

AngelicOne​(sub female){Owned} • Aug 5, 2019

From what I understand, and if I’m wrong, it’ll be corrected shortly, but it’s a Dom that basically gets to know you, your likes, dislikes, interests, what you are looking for in this lifestyle, and they will screen potential Doms, that wish to contact you.

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • Aug 5, 2019

Thanks AngelicOne..but why?

DrWakko • Aug 5, 2019

It makes some people feel like if they say they are protected sleezy guys will leave them alone. It makes people feel safe even though the person they want to be protected by someone who can’t do a god damn thing. All they can do is say “report them” everyone is hiding behind a computer can’t really do anything.

Bishop​(dom male) • Aug 5, 2019

One of the big things in this lifestyle is trust and respect. If a sub had a protector and I refused to respect the protocols she wanted, ie...go through her protector first, then that would show I’m not willing to respect her. I think it’s also a way to help get a second opinion on a person. Most protectors have been in the lifestyle for a while (or should be) and know what to look for and how the process works. A lot of subs get sub frenzy, which can cause the sub to be one jaded by all the asshat wanna be doms on here...protectors help protect the sub, not only from other dumbass doms, but also from the sub herself...at times (no disrespect to any subs).

dollMaker​(dom male) • Aug 5, 2019

My advice don't, repeat don't take on some random who comes into your inbox offering. Many use this as a doorway to getting into subs knickers and also a way to abuse.

A close friend is the kind of person you should ask, note I say you ask, and sub, switches can be protectors. Being a dom, does not, repeat does not make an ideal protector, and play should never happen with a protector.

Online protectors can be useful, but physical world is where a protector comes into their own particularly at events, parties in dungeons and this can manifest as stopping unwanted attention, watching out for you during a scene, being a scene spotter. A protector should though be a guardian and not a gate keeper. Its important you share values and are a good fit, so a protector can do a complementary job.

Misterasmodai​(dom male) • Aug 5, 2019

When a partner begins to look out for the well being of you, and you accept their ability and offer to do so, that partner is a protector. This protection manifests as physical protection, advice on life, accountability to keep you on track; but it also involves your emotional well being. A protector will watch your back at events, help you select viable partners, and make sure you keep from eating too much sugar. A protector will also make sure you know that there is always someone on your side. A protector may fill the gap left by an absent parent, provide some much needed diversion in times of trouble, or simply provide an outside perspective on a topic that causes you stress.
A protector is exactly what it sounds like.
Using the term in a kink setting really only means that you are applying the tenets of kink to the idea.

Adinesidhe • Aug 8, 2019

Wow, I now feel like I have offended alot of people in the last few years. I didn't ask the question but perhaps I should have along time ago.
When people offer to protect me I am thinking in the most basic sense. Like someone fighting my battles for me, or treating me like I'm defenceless.
If I ever run into anyone one I turned down I'll have to apologize for my ignorance.

Bishop​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2019

Before accepting anyone as a protector, be careful. Like Dollmaker said, they can offer to be a protector and use it as a gateway for abuse. Simply put, know the person and be able to trust them before allowing them that honor.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Aug 8, 2019

It is important to remember that a protector doesn't keep their ward away from sleazy MEN.

Sleaze comes in all GENDERS and AGES.

Danger comes in all GENDERS and AGES.

It is critical to remind ourselves that sleaze and danger are never wrapped in a recognizable package.