I Want To See Your...

I Want To See Your...

makemeplease​(sub female){Prussian} • Oct 31, 2019

Contracts...

I understand the contract between a D/s (and all the dynamics that fall under/next to) can be very personal and not something that everyone would want to share publicly. However, I'm sure there are some folks who don't mind sharing, or who wouldn't mind sharing parts or pieces, or maybe not sharing the contract itself but the format used or even how you chose to negotiate it.

I'm interested in all types of them. From the nearly vanilla to the most extreme. I want to know about what you include and and what you don't and why. I want to know if you always use contracts or if you only use them in certain situations. I want to know how detailed you make them or not. I'd love to see examples of contracts that were successful and ones that didn't work, and explanations why.

Even if you don't feel comfortable sharing your contract with me, maybe you'd be comfortable talking to me about it, telling me about your experiences with it. I am looking for input from all dynamics. I would love to get input from EVERYONE who's used a contract. If you have advice, an opinion, an experience you'd be willing to share with me, I would be so grateful.

You see, I am doing research before drafting and negotiating what looks to be potentially my first contract. And I want it to be PERFECT. So I need all the input I can get. That's not to say I want t base my contract off of someone else's... Because I need this to be as unique as our blended fingerprint. BUT... I need a starting point. If it were up to me, in my naivety and inexperience it would look something like this:
1. You get everything you want and need and desire from me all of the time, everywhere always.
Which is great, cause that's how I feel, but like it was pointed out to me, that would neglect specifics about MY desires. And if MY desires are addressed, I am more able to give myself in totality. (He worded it much better than I, but you get the gist.)

So, if you'd be so kind, dear friends, help a Little out... Tell me all about it.

Love & Respect,

F

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Oct 31, 2019

Knowing that i have stated this before . i will state it again, anywho. I dont have one , nor do i believe in them.

To me if there is open and honest talks about all and everything.then there isnt a need for one .

I have my rules and guildlines . i just know them and have since was told what they were. And while yes things have changed over the 1 + we have been living together . i know my place in all things and any changes have been talked about or told and explained why?

makemeplease​(sub female){Prussian} • Oct 31, 2019

Thank you for your input! I really appreciate it. Mind if I ask you a few questions about your dynamic?

F

Bunnie • Nov 1, 2019

I see a contract much the same (emotionally) as a marriage certificate... much like a collar being the equivalent of a wedding ring.

Obviously it doesn’t hold the “legal weight” that a marriage certificate does, however I can completely understand that for some, having that agreement written and perhaps even displayed in some way, can be a beautiful way of honouring their commitment to each other and their dynamic.

I had a contract with my first Master. It was thorough enough for us, and tbh I did love the feeling of making our agreement official... but I’m a nerd, so I like things like that lol. When things ended it also gave us a very distinct “ending” because we had to both agree to terminate the contract... so that was kind of good (although it really sucked and hurt a lot).

The thing about it though is that it’s only as legitimate as you each make it. Obviously neither of us needed “permission” to terminate it had we decided to simply walk away, however, respecting the agreement we had made together in the beginning was a large part of who we both are as people.

I do still have a copy of our contract, however I wouldn’t feel right sharing it... sorry :/
However, there are heaps of examples and templates online.

Would I sign one again? Yes, if my Master required it. I don’t mind either way to be honest. My commitment and loyalty exists either way, so it’s up to the person I serve.

Zedland​(dom male) • Nov 1, 2019

I always considered it more a reference than anything else. One stop shopping for rules, limits, etc, etc. Also the negotiate helps clarifies aspects of the relationship, provides insight into your partner, and does provide a little weight to what is coming. Typing out the words, "And my asshole will only be used for Zedland's pleasure" does have a certain weight.

But as for sharing I would decline as well. They are personal things that are not merely mine alone to be shared.

makemeplease​(sub female){Prussian} • Nov 1, 2019

I love these responses and I want to thank all of you for taking the time to respond to my post!

I have a bunch of respect for your decisions to keep your contracts private, more than I could express. And although a Google search would likely produce some of what I'm looking for, I wanted to first seek out the opinion and perspective from the community which I belong. Having input shared from you nice folks has more weight and more value than from someone which I've no opportunity to get to know or talk with.

I've honestly gotten the responses I expected to recieve, I am thrilled to get what I have gotten and want to, from the bottom of my heart ask that no apology be made for your decision to not share the specifics of your contracts. I can see how intimate and personal such a thing would be between two people and never in a million years want to violate that covenant in anyway at all.

Thank you again for your responses and look forward to any others I may get.

Maybe I could even ask a more direct or possibly more answerable question:

How did you negotiate the conditions of your contract?

How did you decide what should be in your contract and what could be omitted?

Thanks again, sincerely...

F

Zedland​(dom male) • Nov 1, 2019

So F your first question is the easiest answer. The specifics may change radically depending on your situation but at its heart each negotiations are just conversations. You sit down and discuss what you are looking for. Openly, honestly, and bluntly. No skirting issues, just tackle them head on.

As for what to put in that is a personal thing. I like consents, rules, responsibilities, punishments, and limits. But that is me.

NCarraway​(dom male) • Nov 1, 2019

miss-please (I am tickled by that...)

I don't have a contract and it has occurred to me, as the result of your posting, to ask why that is the case. The idea of them is definitely hot and the clarity they bring to roles is valuable. I think for me the idea of a signed contract is of semi-permanent document whereas I feel that myself and my dynamics are in a developing world and subject to constant updates. I do however, use a protocol document that is shared on a drive with my girl so that we can both access the live document at any time and update it. This document, as a live record of clarifications and additions, allows us to define the boundaries of what we are doing and hold each other accountable. Well, actually its me holding her accountable and me holding myself accountable.

An example might be this: I have a particular thing where I need my girl to use language that abstains from swearing unless we are in-scene. Some of those words are immediately obvious but there are words that exist in a grey, is that swearing or is that not swearing region. Collecting the banned words together in a protocol document makes a record of what is permitted and what is not. In a situation where a word is questioned it can be measured against something previously agreed. This I don't think could be done with a regular 'contract' because you would be updating and resigning too frequently and the contract would lose some of its 'official' vibe.

It may be the case that I distil the protocol document down to a contract in the future but that is to be decided.

I hope this different perspective of what works for me helps.

Carraway

DrWakko • Nov 1, 2019

To me a contract is a living document. What I mean by that is it’s ever changing. Most contracts last six months to a year. What you want now might not be what you want when the contact expires and comes up for renegotiation.

Make sure you make your wants and needs known. Make sure your limits are known. If you are a pet or little make sure you have time for little or pet activities.

You can always add things into your contract like every month we go out for a nice meal. I know someone that has a nuke button in the contract. If they say a certain phrase the relationship ends.

During contracts negotiations don’t forget to fight for you, your wants and your needs.

DW

ADIDAS • Nov 1, 2019

*** perks up straight, interested in what everyone has to say ***