New to wanting to be a slave

New to wanting to be a slave

subwifemom • Apr 6, 2020

I have been married to my husband for 12 years during this time we have had our ups and downs mostly do to me and my mental health issues. I have been thinking about this a lot over the last year and have decided that I am ready to be a slave to my hubby. I have spoken with him about this and he says I am not in to all that. What he does not relive is that he is already a master in so many ways. I am not talking sub in sex (although not leaving it out also) I am talking about a true respect and trust in my husband everything he does is for the kids and me. I have learned that most the time he is right and when he is not right he was not "wrong" meaning it was the most correct chose in the situation.

So Questions.
1. Can I be a slave to him with out him being my master. if so how does this work?
2. How do I be a slave around my kids (all boys) while teaching them that they must respect woman and that a strong woman is a good thing.
3. How do I talk to my husband about this again and help him understand that I want this out of respect and trust.

I am not a submissive person by nature I am a very strong woman who knows my own mind what I want and how I want it. So in my submitting to my husband completely with out restraint is the way I show my complete trust and respect. I hope this makes since. I am so new to all this I am just trying to figure it out as go along.

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 6, 2020

Short, answer, ma'am.. You can't. Definitively NOT around your kids!!!!!!!

Hate me for saying this, but what you need is an affair-- with a dude who will treat you as you want. Then go home and be the proper wife and mom.

NO guilt - you're human and you have needs...

I know, I was, and am the "other woman"--- I have proudly served a man's needs so I know as a woman, you have them, too.

Jolene​(sub female){PapaBear} • Apr 6, 2020

I began acting like a submissive long before my husband took on the role as a dominant. About 4 years, in fact. I continued to bring it up in conversation very seldomly, and would occasionally pass along any links I found that I thought were interesting, but he never responded well to that. Ultimately it was the combination of a Joe Rogan podcast explaining that women are genetically designed to be sexually attracted to dominant men, an audio book called "extreme ownership," ny Jocko Willink, and watching the movie "secretary," that pushed him over the edge.

Not sure if that helps. Lol. He doesn't have to be a dominant for you to serve and respect him. Be yourself and find fulfillment in who you are.

I wouldn't drop the subject entirely, but don't force it either. Don't be afraid to express your desires clearly to him, but don't be shocked if he tells you no either. .

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 6, 2020

WOW! and thanks! I'm definitely wired to want to please any man who wants me.

subwifemom • Apr 6, 2020

Thank you for the advice I belive that it will take a long time for my hubby to get with the program. hey you never know.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Apr 6, 2020

Just a thought, but perhaps discuss how you wish to live with him without mentioning being a slave and he a Master. Since I don’t know how you approached him before, I don’t know how he took it. Some individuals are “turned off” by the thoughts of BDSM, but wouldn’t mind perhaps playing and tying up, or spanking or hair pulling . . . Just no BDSM . . . Um . . . Yeah, a horse by a different color. Some people are just “safer” not knowing they are actually kinky.

So without actually calling it what it is, have you told your husband you really just want to try simply serving his every need?

As for how you act in front of your children, it’s not like you’re wearing latex and a ball-gag. You can continue to show him the respect you desire, tending to his needs in your loving fashion, and as long as he continues to show you respect as your husband in the role you want him in, then your sons will see a positive relationship. You have already indicated you are a strong woman who knows your own mind and that is already imprinted on your sons, so you are really only trying to submit to your husband in a fashion you desire. Just reading your post, I get the feeling all the kinky shenanigans would be done behind closed doors, so it doesn’t sound like you’d be throwing that in the kids’ faces.

Best of luck and I hope your husband comes onboard. It sounds like without putting a name on it, he’s already acting the role.

Sammi Babi UwU​(sub female) • Apr 6, 2020

My husband is, in every way, a master... HOWEVER, he refused to accept it. Which brings on our marital dilemma.

He NEEDS me to service and submit to him, while DEMANDING an equal partner.

He craves the 24/7 commitment from me, without owning the responsibility from him.

I definitely hear your story and sympathize. It's been a major hurdle and we're still leaping it. Skyrich is a user on here who wrote three forums, Responsibility, Commitment, and The Journey. They were amazing tools I used to talk to my husband.

Ultimately, mine is hung up (triggered) by the labels. BDSM, Dominant, submissive, etc... He's afraid of the stigma because that's all he's ever known. I've let him know that, until he can be the Big Boss responsibly, I cannot be the little boss he needs.

I hope this helps get you one step forward, even if it's a small one. If you haven't, definitely read those forum posts.

FunCouple{.-Couple-.} • Apr 6, 2020

I’m a Dominant in our relationship but Kitty is dominant.
She hasn’t changed since we came together, only evolved in the relationship.... becoming stronger and more confident.
She has safe hands to catch her.
I too have evolved, it would be arrogant to think otherwise.

I’d also like to think that most of the time I’m an easy going person.
I’m more than happy to let Kitty deal with issues that arise if she wants to.
We don’t use terms but we know who we are and each other’s strengths and weakness.

Be what and who you wish to be in the relationship.
You don’t have to give it a name.
It will be there .... holistically.

A slave doesn’t have to bow their head to a Master.
Gladiators were slaves and I didn’t see much head bowing being done by Maximus or Spartacus in their movies.
Both still had the respect of the people around them also (re: your sons).

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 6, 2020

My advice: Stay away from the terms: "Dominant", "Master", "Slave", etc. Clearly, your husband has some stigma associated with these terms, instead, choose terms he will respond to, such as "my husband".

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Nature abhors a vacuum. So, if you become more submissive to him, he will *naturally* and *automatically* become more dominant over you.

Start small, perform little acts of submission. Respect him in all things and in all ways, (seems to me you have no problem with this, from what you've already said). When he comes home from work. Stop whatever you're doing and greet him with a smile and a kiss. If he's watching a game on TV, and you notice his drink is getting low, get up and refill it. If he asks you what you want to eat or where to go for dinner, defer to him. (Just don't play passive-aggressive games*) Little things like this will inspire him to take his natural place.

* Passive-aggressive scenario: "Where do you want to go for dinner?" "Anywhere you want to go". "OK, let's go to X". "Oh, no, not X!" Almost nothing pisses off a man more than this kind of crap.

Better scenario: "Where do you want to go for dinner?" "I like it when *YOU* choose!" "How 'bout Y?" "Yes, my husband. *smile*"

Finally, not to blow my own horn, but as Sammi said, I've got 3 forum posts here in this section: "Responsibility", "Commitment", and "The Journey", that may well help you. They may be helpful for him as well.

Good luck!

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 6, 2020

[quote]
2. How do I be a slave around my kids (all boys) while teaching them that they must respect woman and that a strong woman is a good thing.

You can be submissive to your husband, (show respect, defer to his descisions, do not contradict him, etc), around your boys, but overt acts of slavery, (kneeling, calling him "master", etc), should be avoided. You wouldn't wear skimpy clothes around your boys, this is really no different. Your boys will then learn from their *father* how men should treat women, and that a strong woman is a good thing. (Submission is *NOT* weakness, quite the contrary). We men learn how to treat women mostly from how our fathers treated our mothers.