Extreme Degrading

Hi I'm Mika, 15yrs experience as a sexual sub and I Love it! I have found my niche and it's so Exhilarating!
My question is; I have a DOM but enjoy playing being dirty and Nasty. However I can't find men who will Degrade me in a very Extreme way. They say they will or can but it quickly becomes apparent they can't! I express to them very clearly I Love to be verbably degraded and then sexually also. Not pissed on or spit on or called a whore or Pig....BORING! I need a very creative person to stimulate me. So is it me or them? I'm so Horny!! Mika

No- they are just not the right Dom. Clearly/ stated what you want. They are just horny men that aren’t thinking

Could be easily both actually. When you are speaking with them are you being very clear with your desires / kinks? Are they real doms or the fabled "Super Dom!" that has all the answers and can satisfy you with his orgasmitronic eyeball stare?

I had an experience similar once, she wanted a certain fetish, but we never actually discussed it in detail (I was VERY new) so what I THOUGHT I was doing right was just putting her to sleep early.. lol. We took a break, talked it out in detail with examples given, and round 2 was way better for both of us (well, she was seriously into what we were doing, and that is a HUGE positive for me.. lol), so it was great for me as well.

By the by - you definitely make living the Louisville life look interesting

I started out in a vanilla relationship and without knowing ended up in a dom sub relationship at the time i didnt really know about that kinda stuff. She would just tell me what she wanted and what to and i would do it. Eventually it lead into being more about being degraded and humilliated. I was okay with at first and actually grew into liking it but it was kinda weird for me since we were boyfriend and girlfriend and i didnt know about this kinda stuff. All i wanted to do was please my girlfriend at the time. One day however i hit my limit when she invited her female friend over and decided to get us drunk with a drinking game and then had me do those things in front of her friend who had not agreed to be apart of any of it I guess she wanted to be publicly humiliated. I was okay with until then because both of us choose to do those things but it just made me uncomfortable and i felt sorry for her friend who had no idea what she was getting into. Long story short if you just talk with your partner and tell them what you want as long as both are in agreement it usually works. However if something's new to someone you have to expect some akwardness at first. Also the possibility the other person just might not be into it. Thats really been my only experience however so i could be wrong.

Degrading is a little mysterious to me. There is a part of me that definitely responds to "degrading," but it's particular types, it's not mean or nasty, it's more of a matter of He sees something in me that embarrasses me, but He likes too, and is exposing and influencing that part of me. i don't see it as a bad thing that a Dom doesn't want to hurt Their sub, to me it's more a matter of synchronicity.

"Degrading" because both are getting a desire/need met in that particular act, turns "degrading: into a nurturing gesture for both. i think what others have said is true. i don't think it is "you" or "them," but that you just have not found a compatible Dom.

It is difficult to find people who actually *enjoy* degrading someone (doing it because they want to... not because they’ve been asked), yet know also when to draw the line... but they do exist
My experiences have shown that more often than not, people will “do degradation” to please their partner... which kind of detracts from the whole point (in my opinion). It is a frustrating area to try to find someone who’s concepts match your own, I agree. Just keep being honest and check that you are communicating as clearly as possible... I think that’s all you can do, really. Good luck

Just to throw a comment into the ring here...

From the Dom side degradation/humiliation (I am lumping them together unfairly I know) is not a piece of cake. In theory its easy, you just call someone some names, they get off, job done. In practice, the bottom has to believe it is real, the top has, in my experience, to engage that part of the brain that actually enjoys this. If you engage that part of the brain then the actions, voice, attitude, nuances that you exhibit become real and believable. That is an uncomfortable journey for practically everyone. When I do it I feel like I am on a tightrope, balancing the channeling of these very dark things with keeping enough awareness that I can push/pull back/call a halt. It is very challenging and I need to be close to a flow state for it to work well.

In addition, it is intellectually tough because in my experience I need to keep the submissive off balance and to do that I need to be three steps ahead of her, so that she is in a complete whirlwind of emotions/thoughts/arousal. In the past when I have done this, I always use real life reasons and effectively go into scene at a time they do not expect.

My experience, even after a few years of doing this, is that the process really takes energy out of me, much more so than a 'normal' (!) D/s scene, or even sustained sexual hypnosis. Coming down off that high for the Dom can be jarring as they have to mentally 'put themselves back together' in a way they can rationalise and maintain self-respect. That is especially tough the first or first few times you do it. I guess if your Dom is a psychopath then they will not have these issues ... but I don't recommend relationships with psychopaths.

I am not surprised at all that you come across people who say they can do it and then realise they cannot. They might not be able to for a whole host of reasons and we should not think less of Doms/Dommes who decide they cannot/won't or even discover that it is not for them. I certainly would not think less of a submissive who decided it was not for them, the same goes for Doms.

I have done this with partners who I have known very well. There is a stripping away of layers through this for the submissive that leaves them feeling naked and vulnerable in front of the person they trust. To be exposed in that way, to be naked and alone in that way, to have all flaws on display and then be accepted by your Dom is a beautiful thing. Similarly a Dom exhibiting such dark traits, to be able to let the darkness out in a controlled way, to be able to control the darkness and not let it control you, and then to be respected and adored after ... it is wonderful. There is no hiding. It is plain and simple acceptance.

@ NCarraway,

I absolutely love your response. Such a great description and some very good points to remember/keep in mind, thank you.

Perhaps you want to be beaten hard...

I'll add in another 10 cents.

For me degradation play is stepping out into an emotional mine field with your partner. I need to know that our relationship is solid enough that I can help them recover. I need experience with a sub having a break down.

For me there is no reason to rush to the most extreme parts of play. I enjoy myself on the way.

One of thw difficulties with humiliation play is that it tends to a alwaya build for more. What once was extreme starts to feel tame. Now you are pushing into more and more ans closer to triggers that you once avoided. For me part of a doms job is finding a way to make the kinks sustainable with the submissive.

Thank you to everyone who commented.