Developing feelings

Developing feelings

Daddy's Baby Girl​(sub female) • Aug 8, 2020

is it wrong or is it uncommon to start developing strong feelings for someone who you haven't known for that long?

RedKat{Not now } • Aug 8, 2020

I don’t think so but I would strongly advise to go very slow, enjoy learning about the other person. Also, if you ever have had an intuition, don’t ignore it!!!

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2020

With the depth that BDSM goes into mind body and soul, it’s very easy to be quickly attracted, as the general niceties of a vanilla world hold no place here !!

in fundo maris​(sub female) • Aug 8, 2020

I was reading a story just last week from a family therapist about the ride of "turbo relationships". While by far not the norm, in this time of pandemic it's more common than usual. But I wholeheartedly support the previous posts: if anything is bothering you, slow down (this from personal experience). The level of mental intimacy in this lifestyle is much deeper and it's easier to develop feelings (again from personal experience) for an absolute creeper who is less than honest while you are sharing deep personal feelings. Be safe.

in fundo maris​(sub female) • Aug 8, 2020

I was reading a story just last week from a family therapist about the ride of "turbo relationships". While by far not the norm, in this time of pandemic it's more common than usual. But I wholeheartedly support the previous posts: if anything is bothering you, slow down (this from personal experience). The level of mental intimacy in this lifestyle is much deeper and it's easier to develop feelings (again from personal experience) for an absolute creeper who is less than honest while you are sharing deep personal feelings. Be safe.

kajirasubm{On Hiatus } • Aug 8, 2020

It's neither wrong, nor uncommon....
BUT...
Read between the lines to " hear " what the other person might not be saying.
Trust your first initial instinct. It will never fail you.
That initial impression is paramount.
It helps you " see " clearly without stars in your eyes.
Also ask yourself if this has happened in the past, or if this is the first time to feel this.
If this is a recurring pattern, then that's something to question.
If this is the first time, then it's something to step cautiously with.
If a relationship is meant to be, it will develop.
There is no rush.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Aug 8, 2020

It’s not uncommon if you have a dynamic to get intense feelings after a short time. After all, all your walls are down and you have an immense amount of trust in them.

As for your second question about it being wrong, that would depend. Do you or they have a partner who is unaware about what is going on ? Is your relationship with this person healthy ? Do they reciprocate your feelings or was this agreed upon at the beginning to go no further than a limited amount of feelings ?

The answer to your first question I can answer as a yes. The second question I can’t because only you know all the variables and therefore the answer.

Bunnie • Aug 9, 2020

I have come to realise that the on-line world is a very strange place. Time is not like time. I have been here 3years and yet I know people it feels like I’ve known for a lifetime. A week can feel like a year. I can’t explain why, and I don’t need to... it is what it is.

It can, however, be very disorienting in the beginning. I think this is why when we say “don’t rush” to newbies, it seems like it falls on deaf ears... but in their mind they feel like they’re going slow, even though they’re not. Developing feelings quickly and early is really not unusual here. Most, if not all of us, have done it.

If it’s something that concerns you... if you can manage it, try to have something that will help you keep in mind the reality of the actual timeframe. Do you have a system that you think may help? Kind of like the “3 date rule” or whatever it is that people use?
An example could be one I used... I wouldn’t talk off site with someone until we had been speaking for at least a week on here. My ways are no doubt considered to be on the extreme other end of the spectrum lol, but I have created something that felt safe for me. If you feel that you need slowing down, create a system for yourself that will help... you know yourself best, so there’s no better person who can.

FeralM​(dom male) • Aug 9, 2020

I think this goes beyond BDSM. I personally can have romantic /infatuated feelings for someone I have not known for very long and there is always a rush at the beginning of a relationship. I may be somewhat atypical for a guy in the sense that I can wear my heart on my sleeve and dive in farther than I meant to. Having said that, I don't really think intense feelings are the sum total of love. To borrow from the Bible, when it mentions Adam "knew" his wife it means that in an intimate sexual way, but I think there is a lesson here - to truly love someone you have to understand / empathize with them and you have to have and intuitive mental and emotional bond. That is a risk that you could truly be wounded yet anything less could very well be built on a foundation of sifting sands and not a bedrock of trust.

House Talion​(dom male) • Aug 9, 2020

Consider whether or not those feelings are based on them giving you the kind of attention you were previously unable to get from others.