Confused, Mono, message?

Confused, Mono, message?

shesosweet​(sub female) • Aug 30, 2020

I'm genuinely not sure what this is all about...

Messages from Doms
Profile states "in monogomous relationship"
Further reading shows they are actively looking for sub(s)...

I... Don't...get it. So you are...a cheater? Then, why not just say "in a relationship" because you aren't monogomous...obviously??

I think people are using this who are married, and "supposed" to be monogomous. Right? But...lol. If you are going behind your vanilla wife's back then you are unfaithful and shouldn't label as monogomous.

I get that some are ok with infidelity so I'm not really getting into personal opinions on that. I'm only trying to figure out why tf people are misusing this label?

Like, what are you trying to say? Just say, married, looking for fun. Or something?

WhatamIfightingfor​(dom male){CurvyB} • Aug 30, 2020

I don't get it myself. We are not the now lost culture of Celts.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Aug 30, 2020

I take it to mean that they’re cheating on an unaware partner as opposed to someone in a more ethically/open relationship. The relationship is monogamous; the person....not so much. The default relationship options here aren’t that nuanced.

MasterRon​(dom male) • Aug 30, 2020

This is a great one. I have seen this on the other end of the spectrum - subs who have the same "monogamous" status and then are actively seeking a Dom.

strictlygentle​(dom male){Queen Alex} • Aug 30, 2020

The site has options for "in a poly relationship" and "in a monogamous relationship".

I am currently in a mono relationship. I figure I'm not in a poly relationship until i actually find a slave that we both get along with and enter into a poly relationship.

Perhaps people who more experienced in the poly lifestyle would *already* consider us in a poly even though there's only two of us. Not sure. Would love to know. This would be my first, but my girlfriend has some experience with poly and doesn't see it that way.

I mean, I could set my age to 35 as well. It's also something I hope will be true eventually. But what's true right now is that I'm 34.

But again, I'm open to have my mind changed.

Either way, I'm not cheating, and she knows full well that I'm here and why, supports it and is looking forward to it.

shesosweet​(sub female) • Aug 30, 2020

I think in your case I would choose either poly or N/A...in just a few quick words you could explain on your profile. "Looking for first time poly" or, something along those lines.

Mono implies you are not single, committed to one person. That's just what it means...

Just like 34 means 34
And 35 means 35

strictlygentle​(dom male){Queen Alex} • Aug 30, 2020

I am not single and I am committed to her, but we're also both looking for third.

I think part of the problem here is a lack of nuance in the available choices.

I think part of the problem is that poly also gets confused for open, which even I do often.

I'm not sure what the right answer is. On Collarspace you can have a couples profile, which is what we have over there.

On fetlife you can add relationships, which is what we use there.

Either of these, fetlife's model especially, help to avoid the necessity of a million possible choices of open, closed, desired numbers, desired level of intimacy between partners, etc. etc.

Maybe I will go N/A for now. I made a suggestion to the admins to add some nuance and referenced this thread.

shesosweet​(sub female) • Aug 30, 2020

That's a great idea.
I've seen some couples profiles on here too fyi.

I think also like you said, even though its just you two, if the boundary is agreed then you are in fact poly.

Just my opinion. I think it's much more accurate to say that then it is to say mono. Of the two...

Just because you haven't found a third yet doesn't make it less true.

strictlygentle​(dom male){Queen Alex} • Aug 30, 2020

I don't know if you have seen mine or not, but it is unambiguously for us both, and also hopefully clear that I'm running it.

Actually if you wouldn't mind taking a glace and confirming that what I'm saying is true, I'd appreciate it. I do my best but I can't read minds, so if the message isn't clear, I want to improve it.

MasterRon​(dom male) • Aug 30, 2020

If there was a system to vote for enhancements i would do a +1 to this