Two questions for a newbie

Two questions for a newbie

Dangerdan • Nov 24, 2020

I’ve been doing some research and have had a few interactions with purported Dommes that have mostly turned out to be catfish attempts.

1. Is it typical for a Domme to require a payment to become involved?
2. What are the signs I should look for that who I’m dealing with is genuine and/or not?

ElizaEmma​(sub female){NotLooking} • Nov 24, 2020

1. No, unless she is a pro domme, but that is no allowed on this site.

ILCC​(sub gender queer) • Nov 24, 2020

If it is on this site, it is either, someone disobeying the rules, doing a catfish, or trying to scam you. There are professional Dommes that do charge, I know a few, but for me, I would be wary of anyone who will not follow basic rules on a site.

Re: Two questions for a newbie

Zerospace​(dom male){Amalthea} • Nov 24, 2020

1. No charging on this site, like the others said. If they want money, run the other way.
2. There is no "true" or "genuine" way to be a Dom or a sub, or any of the myriad types you'll meet here. Instead of a "genuine" Dom, look for a Dom that best suits you. You can do that by seeing how they interact with others in forums and blogs (there are usually links to their posts on their profiles). If they seem approachable, send them a message and start a dialogue. If the conversation is going well, try to establish a relationship.

Actually, hooking up with people here is exactly like hooking up with people in the IRL dating scene, just with more typing.

And if they are a scam, they'll show their true colors pretty quick. You can also catch scammers because many of them are only here to scam so they don't have many interactions with others (or a full profile). Just be careful not to give out your personal info too fast. Get to know the people here first. You can give them your cell # and real name later, once you've established that they aren't pay-to-play.

Good luck and keep asking questions!

Villanelle​(staff) • Nov 24, 2020

Please report anyone who asks for gifts, money, sign up for training, etc. None of these are allowed here on the site, nor do we allow pro domination services or any other type of pay for play.

Thanks to everyone who has chimed in with the great advice!

Dangerdan • Nov 24, 2020

Thanks for the thoughtful responses! I do have another question which I feel a bit timid in asking.
Is there a general perspective in the community on those seeking experiences outside their monogamous relationship without their significant others knowledge?
I have my reasons for wanting to do so. I want to be open about it here and I’m just curious what kind of responses I’m likely to get as I start to get to know people.

Zerospace​(dom male){Amalthea} • Nov 24, 2020

I doubt any one of us could speak for the community at large (but I'll bet someone will try).

That kind of thing is subjective. You'd have to discuss it with potential Doms. I'm willing to bet that some of them won't mind, while others will.

My opinion is that honesty is always the best policy, even if it gets you in trouble.

ILCC​(sub gender queer) • Nov 24, 2020

That is a slippery slope Dan. For me that is a trait that I would be wary of, because of the whole trust thing. If it is some revenge thing, I guess I get that, but openness about it is usually the best route. Not really knowing the particulars, that is the best advice I can give.

Dangerdan • Nov 24, 2020

Appreciate the advice

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 24, 2020

As already said, no one ought ask for money in here. As for wandering outside the bounds of holy matrimony.. none can speak for the site but it is not forbidden in T O S. But you might get a heaping plate of judgement along the way from some elements in here.

Someone wrote that online is "as bad as" IRL. I'll differ with that. It's worse because online anyone can say or claim anything, in person that's a tougher sell.

For Example:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2It08UephGo