Self Pleasure

Self Pleasure

LittleSubFox​(sub female) • Mar 13, 2021

I feel like the only one that has this problem, but I, for the life of me, canNOT, cum by myself. Masterbating doesn't work. Is it like having the inability to tickle yourself? I feel broken....

BeneathHerNow​(sub male) • Mar 13, 2021

You are not broken,
not at all.
Just takes a little more work for you. Once you get around there will be no stopping it. I didn't masturbate until way late in life.
You just need to mix it up, find what works for you. Instruments help (experiment), doing it a different way, watch specific type of pron.
Just need to find your groove.
For me I use to tie myself up. That feeling of helplessness. not able to get out. Thats what did it for me.
I would cum even without physical masturbation. That feeling of being trapped would get me off.
You are closer than you think, listen to yourself.

Rivermxl • Mar 13, 2021

BeneathHer offers the key advice. Explore; I believe self pleasure is a feel around approach. Like finding your way around a pitch dark place; you may feel like there's nothing near you but there is a wall somewhere and you can go from there. Discuss, watch, read and do whatever you need to get closer, that if you really wish to get to that point.

Also, I am absolutely incapable of tickling myself, at all.

poppyclaire​(sub female) • Mar 13, 2021

You're definitely not broken. I've had issues in the past, mostly with cumming with a partner though. I was too self conscious and in my head about it.

Maybe you're putting too much focus on cumming? Just start by seeing what feels good and enjoy that. That helped me figure things out.

annabellestasia​(sub female) • Mar 13, 2021

For women the ability to make yourself orgasm often starts far before the physical stimulation! Read erotica. Listen to erotica. Watch it. I find this helps!

Then as the others have said, buy toys & have patience. If you become fixated on the end goal it becomes impossible to get there, so enjoy it for the process it is! Light some candles, change the sheets, put some underwear on that makes you feel sexy... Sounds cliched but it’ll help.

luckygirl • Mar 13, 2021

You are definitely normal. It has more to do with your mind letting go then your body will follow. Try relaxation techniques daily to center your mind and body. Then slowly explore things that turn you on, not with or about a partner necessarily. Guided masterbation is amazing if you find it difficult to concentrate. During certain times of my life, I have had the same issue, so don't think it is a malfunction or something weird.❤

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 13, 2021

Find what tickles your fancy, then turn on the vibrator

Bunnie • Mar 13, 2021

@ LittleSubFox,

It’s ok if you don’t cum. It can be so frustrating when we share these aspects of ourselves, yet somehow it still goes unheard.
I don’t know enough about you or physiology to state whether or not there are people who simply don’t cum. Whatever the case, for you, in this moment, you don’t. And that is perfectly ok. It’s not something that needs to be strived for. If you want to explore your body and find sensations you enjoy, you can still definitely experience pleasure. Pleasure is not directly linked to orgasm. There are so many sensations that can be explored that actually have no relation to orgasm whatsoever. Pain, hot, cold, gentle, firm, soft, hard, light, heavy, wet, dry... on and on the list goes. As far as your imagination can take you

I personally believe that people who are solely orgasm focused, miss out on so much, because their focus is simply the outcome, rather than the experience. Have some fun with yourself. See what you discover. And keep in mind that where you are now, is not an indication of where you’ll be in five years, or even one years time.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Mar 14, 2021

Just to add to what Bunnie said so well. Not ALL women can cum. Its not rare, its just not talked about ENOUGH out of fear and shame. This stigma needs to be outed! You are not broken.

You don't say If you can cum with another hand, item appendage, by him or her. It might also help to try masturbating in front of them or by alternating with them, if you can cum (with another aide) . Sometimes it can be about a physiological block, where we don't allow ourselves to enjoy anything solo. The other above have given you wonderful advice about allowing yourself to feel in the mood and feel "sexy". Often society tells us, its not ok to enjoy self pleasure when it s perfectly normal. It can be about rewiring our brain to know its ok. Forget the idea it will happen and stop trying to make it happen. Just enjoy the process. One day it "might" happen.
Also think of it another way....your going to make a Dominant work really hard! Thats NOT a bad thing but rather a good thing IMO. A Dom/me could actually use what YOU see as "broken part" of you, to their advantage.

Susie Q{Daddy Ant} • Mar 14, 2021

i’ve always focused on the journey, not the destination. Masturbation isn’t for everyone. No shame. No worry. It’s the same as any other kink. Some P/people masturbate and S/some don’t. Some P/people like rope and S/some don’t. You’re not broken or odd or weird. You’re you and that’s totally great.