Searching with nerves

Searching with nerves

pxincessx​(sub female) • May 23, 2022

Im new to this app and have been interested in the lifestyle since I was young, I’ve never had a daddy/dom but I really want one. This app is actually pretty amazing it’s just some of the doms on here aren’t really patient and very demanding ( don’t get me wrong I love being told what to do) but they don’t really try to get to know you and when they do it’s like a level they just wanna get through so they can see your body. Lemme get to the point sorry for leading on… I just want some pointers on how to tell them no without sounding.. idk…bad ? I’m really shy and i like pleasing I just need to start putting my foot down. Oh and when I don’t respond at all they just get really mean

Heero​(dom male) • May 23, 2022

Hi pxincessx,

Welcome to the CAGE and I wish you the best in exploring this new world. As with anything valuable, there are always those who want to exploit it and take shortcuts. I appreciate you want to be fair, but really, those who exploit this, or are mean, do not deserve this consideration. Simply say plainly,

"I am not comfortable doing that. Perhaps if we could..." state your desire plainly if you are interested in continuing with the person.

If anyone gets mean, simply say "I do not wish to continue our conversation. Please do not contact me again. I hope you find what you're looking for." And then block them.

Please do not waste your time. There are potentially many such people you will encounter and they will only serve to waste your time and stop you from getting to the kind of Dom you actually deserve (and those are some of the best case scenarios!).

Good luck, princess.

EDIT: I should also point out, that sometimes over-eagerness isn't always malicious. That's why you should give them a chance with the "Perhaps we could..." part of the sentence. Or just say what level you're comfortable with. If someone has "good intentions", this gives them a chance to snap out of it. But the moment they get disrespectful or mean, send a message similar to what I mentioned, and then block them immediately without waiting for a reply.

Generally, a Dom should be mindful that you're new and carefully test where your comfort levels are, or at least ask about them. Some of the younger Doms won't have this temperament though, and occasionally some of the old ones won't either. It doesn't (necessarily) mean they're assholes. But, again, the moment there is a hint of maliciousness or disrespect, do not hesitate to end things. Relationships tend to have a honeymoon period. If things are off from the very beginning, it is not a good sign. They will likely get worse over time.

MaryMagdalena​(sub female) • May 23, 2022

If you don’t respond and they are mean to you, they aren’t worth ANY of your time. They’re parasitic, entitled, fake “doms” with absolutely nothing meaningful to offer you. Report and block them. Beware of false authorities.
I understand being a pleaser, but remember, your lack of response or interest isn’t taking anything from them. If they react like it is, there’s something wrong with their heads.
Tell them no in your own words. Be concise, clear, honest, and transparent. If you don’t want to be with somebody or give them your time, you’re not obligated to.

pxincessx​(sub female) • May 23, 2022

Thank you heero, I’ll start saying exactly that !

Heero​(dom male) • May 23, 2022

(deleted. I edited my first post. Though, if I knew I couldn't delete posts, I probably would have just kept this one. Haha)

pxincessx​(sub female) • May 23, 2022

I really needed to hear that Mary, I can’t always find the right words to say but you said exactly what I was feeling. Thank you so much !

pxincessx​(sub female) • May 23, 2022

Oh wow that makes a lot of sense, I’m just new to it so I thought it was a regular thing until i started getting uncomfortable with their “fowardness” but now I’m starting to understand

Heero​(dom male) • May 23, 2022

Yes, different people employ or are comfortable with different levels of forwardness. Do not have the impression that anything is set in stone, or you're "supposed to be comfortable" with something you're not comfortable with. The right person will meet you where you are, match your comfort level, and it will naturally expand over time. Consent is super important. You should not be forced into a level of comfort that you're just not at yet. Sometimes this is a fine line to walk, as many people use bdsm to deliberately expand their comfort zone. However, especially in the beginning, be very conservative with this expansion. Your comfort levels will naturally expand, there is no need to force them. The right guide will treat you right and you should not have alarm bells going off in your head or your gut.

pxincessx​(sub female) • May 23, 2022

I’ll keep that in mind, thank you !

Re: Searching with nerves

Zelia • May 24, 2022

‘aren’t really patient and very demanding’
That’s not the behaviour of a Dom. That’s someone wanting to fill their wank bank. As a rule I have never engaged with anyone sexually, tasked for them or allowed them to degrade me with names and suchlike until I know them. That can take weeks and weeks. They don’t like it? Then they’re not for me.

It may be worthwhile considering whether you want to engage with anyone explicitly outside of a relationship/dynamic without any commitment. Research consideration periods, they’re super useful. Also look into red flags, you’ve encountered a few.

I’d also urge you to be very careful with what you share, particularly if you include your face. Private pics have been saved and reposted both in blogs here and on other platforms in the past.