Looking for community

Looking for community

Sunflower Sub​(sub female) • Jun 24, 2022

I'm new to BDSM and still working through my own bisexual identity, potentially polyamory, and where I fit in BDSM. I was excited to join the cage because both with BDSM and LGBT stuff people are always talking about "finding your community", which I've never had (24, so there's still time). Here I am looking for it, and the last interaction on a lesbian BDSM post was 4 months ago. Please, if you're anywhere in the LGBT umbrella, comment. I'd love to find people who really understand my lived experience, and that would be willing to talk about it together.

Re: Looking for community

moll​(other female){owned slav} • Jun 24, 2022

Welcome to The Cage Sunflower Sub. There is a lot of diversity here and a lot of welcoming folks. I hope you find what you are looking for and maybe find something that you didn't know you wanted.

DeepEmbrace​(dom female) • Jun 24, 2022

Hi Sunflower!

Thank you for starting this thread! I'm a queer black woman and I havent found much queer and/or black community on here aside from a couple of people.

Yes, the lesbian bdsm forum is pretty dead. There seems to be barely anyone on this site in the "women seeking women" demographic. It is a very very small pool... which in practice gets even smaller because many in the group seem to have already found their lucky lady OR they just aren't a match OR they are not really into women and are just trying to find a "unicorn" or "sister wife" to bring home to their man or who the fuck ever OR they are just "curious."

There are LGBTQ+ people here but you'll have to keep digging and searching through the members and forums plus you'll nees to start making friends here to then ask them about their friends in hopes to find more LGBTQ+ people.

Hopefully, some more queer folks, particularly queer women and lesbians since you posted this in the Lesbian BDSM forum, will see your post here and chime in so we can all "meet" each other!

P.S. There are people on The Cage who are homophobic, transphobic, etc. You dont have to take any bullshit from them. Call them out if you feel like it. And you can report them to the admin, as well. There are also some allies here who stand with LGBTQ+ people, too.

P.P.S. Also, from many of the LGBTQ+ people on here that I have talked to and/or gotten to know, many find The Cage to be ... overwhelmingly hetero to the point where they need to take breaks away from it. So if you feel that way, know that it is not just you! Take care of yourself and step away as needed. I know I do that on here. Otherwise it can really end up feel isolating and/or hopeless to be on The Cage if you don't (to come back to your original point) have a place to go that feels more like home, like your community, with people like you.

simplylaura​(sub female){djinni} • Jun 24, 2022

Hi Sunflower!!

Welcome. I echo all of what DeepEmbrace says. But also I want to share that I met my Dominant/fiancee on this site in the chatroom almost 3 years ago. We did long distance for a year then she moved to Denver and is currently sound asleep next to me. So it's possible to find your people on this site. You just may have to dig through a ton of bullshit first.

Personally I don't consider this forum a safe space because straight people like to come in and offer their opinions about our lived experiences, which sucks. I'm not a separatist by any means, but just like I don't know what it's like to be in a straight relationship, they have no idea what it's like to be a queer person. I suspect that this may be why a lot of us don't post here. Please know that bi people are certainly welcome and embraced in here though.

Are you able to access a local real life community? That's where I grew up (I was 22 and fresh out of catholic college when I discovered kink, but that was almost 20 years ago lol) and where there may be more people of our ilk than on here. But we certainly exist and I know some of us have louder voices than the trans/queer/homophobic racist douchebags care to listen to. So exist here, offer your opinions, ask your questions, and know your people exist. But be prepared for douchebaggery at times. I'm glad you're here

DeepEmbrace​(dom female) • Jun 24, 2022

Thanks, Laura! And I love your post.

Though I find it... strange that a member of the admin "loved" your post because the administration is one of the reasons why the climate is so bad on this site for LGBTQ+ people. Admin members allow us be attacked and harassed in forums and individually and there is absolutely nothing done to the perpetrators (and it is always the same little circle of bigots). Of course, that is why most of the LGBTQ+ people here don't post in forums, avoid chat room, and take breaks from Cage... Noone wants to be virtually hate crime'd everything they log in. But cute that administration has had that Pride banner up all month even though they don't actually do anything to keep us safe and treated with dignity on here.

(And don't dare blog about racism, homophobia, sexism, transphobia or you have a 90% chance of your blog being reported by some bigot and an 80% chance of admin pulling your post down because they protect the bigots not the victims.)

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jun 24, 2022

Hi Sunflower!

Welcome to the cage and I hope you are able to make it something you can work with.

At the end of my teen years, I identified as bisexual but those days are over. Now, however, I am a simple supporter. I have friends of all genders, non-genders and two coworkers on my shift (out of 6), are trans...going in opposite directions, one of whom I live with. My own son is bisexual (he is 14 so that may change as he continues learning his sexuality).

Yes, it's predominantly hetero here and predominately masochists. The next popular kink is slave.

Good luck! Laura and Deep Embrace are great people to connect with! Enjoy!

Malevolence​(other female) • Jun 25, 2022

Oooh! A query from a fellow queer! I am commenting on this thread mostly for the purpose of saying: “Yes, we are out there, and our voices may be overlooked, but they are still there.”

I just joined The Cage a week or so ago, and was similarly disappointed to find this topic dead. That being said, maybe all of our voices together can bring it back to life.

I do not personally identify as a straight-up lesbian. The bluntly honest explanation is that I welcome all identities, but I’m only interested romantically and sexually in someone if there is a previously established emotional relationship, and if that person is lacking a cock. I find when it comes to the LGBTQIAP+ community, the titles help explain who we are to others outside the community. Inside the community, we are who we are, and a title can not help anyone fathom the depths of the human soul.

I share a little bit about myself here in the hopes it will help to explain where I’m coming from. I wish you all the best in your journey @Sunflower Sub . I hope this forum helps you on your path to discovering yourself. If you ever want to talk, feel free to reach out to me.

Sunflower Sub​(sub female) • Jun 26, 2022

Thanks everyone for your replies!! Honestly did make me feel a lot better about being on here. Deep's post is right, the hetero of this does get me down and I honestly thought when I came back there would be no replies on this post.

It's great to know that the kink community is no different, straight people butt in and tell us their all knowing and perfect opinions. Thank you Laura for explicitly stating bi people are welcome - I struggle with my identity regularly, not in small part because of biphobia. I seriously don't really know how to go about finding an in person community. All of my college friends are straight except one, I could go to NYC to gay bars but then they'll be in the city while I'm in Jersey, and I kind of have no other concept of how to meet other queer people, especially other queer kink people (except now for all of you!)

Any advice? How do you find your local community, especially in the suburbs?

Satindragon{Not Lookin} • Jun 26, 2022

I am one of those straight people who just dropped in to say hello and Welcome to the Cage.

Enjoy your journey

ropefish • Jun 27, 2022

Hi Sunflower Sub. I'm not active on here anymore but I def want to represent as a queer and polyam POC. Would love to see our community here grow, so thanks for being here