InATimelyFashion
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1 month ago •
Jul 11, 2024
1 month ago •
Jul 11, 2024
Embracing Your “Sexual Freak” suspect most people repress their true sexuality, desires and fantasies (anal sex, bisexuality, voyeurism, exhibitionism, 3some, bondage, swinging, etc.) fearing being rejected or humiliated by the people they most love. We don’t feel emotionally secure enough to fully expose ourselves sexually. Emotional intimacy has its’ foundation in trust. It begs the question, why don’t we trust our partners enough to be completely honest about our sexuality?
I made that very mistake by marrying a lovely but vanilla woman who was not confident, adventurous or highly sexual. I wasted 20 years of my life being very unhappy and repressing who I truly was sexually. Prior to my marriage, I was very sexually adventurous during my years at university. But I literally thought I needed to “settle down” after graduate school. My sexual frustration grew over time then I sought out online friendships and discussions of various sexual interests that eventually led an affair with a woman who I met online who was very sexually adventurous and submissive. She allowed me to fully re-explore and re-express my Dominant sexuality. Although I got the chance to explore my sexuality, I was still living a fractured life (one public life and one secret sexual life). Once I divorced, I have fully embraced my sexuality.
A life partner who truly loves you and accepts you wants to make you happy and successful in every way in life (physically, emotionally, sexually, financially, professionally), thus allowing you to lead a unified life where all your needs are fulfilled within one loving relationship/partner. I believe that only once you fully embrace who you truly are (including all your sexual desires, fantasies & kinks), you are then ready to find lasting happiness because you finally accept who you are without fear, guilt or shame.
Repressing Your Desires Will Lead To “Emotional Leakage”
If your current partner does not accept you for your sexual desires, repressing your desires will not find you lasting happiness. It is merely a coping strategy to deal with the immediate situation. Your sexuality is a core part of who you are. You cannot ignore your desires and you cannot suppress them forever.
Eventually your desires will re-emerge in some sort of “emotional leakage” forcing you to desperately seek out a secret affair or to leave to start a new relationship that more fully fulfills your needs. If your partner rejects you now for your sexuality, then you are free to meet a new partner who is sexually confident and open-minded enough to accept who you are in total…
There is an old saying is Sales Training, “No” is the second best answer a prospect can ever give you. It allows you to stop wasting your time and move onto other deals you could actually close. But it is the “Maybes” who string you along forever that will kill you”… I believe the same is true with relationships… There are plenty of fish in the sea – and several a looking for a kinky fish just like you!
Something to think about…
~DominantSoul
The Hierarchy of Female Emotional Needs: Unleashing Your “Inner Vixen”
“When she’s abandoned her moral center and teachings…when she’s cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor…when I have so corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure…..enticing from within this feral lioness…growling and scratching and biting…taking everything I dish out to her…..at that moment she is never more beautiful to me.” ~ Marquis De Sade
This quote by the Marquis De Sade truly describes what I have always craved to achieve with a loving, long-term relationship with female partner. The question most men struggle to understand is, “How do I achieve this kind of relationship with a woman? I know what I want but how do I get there?”
In line with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Model, I have a theory there is a emotional hierarchy of needs for most women to be able to be sexually uninhibited with a man in a relationship. The basic idea is no woman wants to be a ostracized as a “slut” or “nympho” for her sexual appetite/desires or to be rejected by someone who they love for her sexual appetite, desires, fetishes or fantasies . So women have learned to hide their true sexuality away from friends, family, society and from their partners. At the time, they have within them a highly sexual being they crave to express within the safety of a loving and emotionally safe long-term relationship.
The Hierarchy of Female Emotional Needs:
Starting from Level 1 of the model, each emotional need has to be fulfilled to a degree before the relationship advances to the next higher level. I believe that if men took the time to fulfill all the emotional needs of a female partner, they would be rewarded with uninhibited and meaningful sexual expression by their female partner based on deep intimacy, trust and commitment.
~DominantSoul
The Recipe for Intimacy
1 – Physical Attraction: Basic sexual attraction is the foundation
2 – Mutual Chemistry: Feeling a mutual attraction and mutual emotional sparks (Chemistry during kissing is the key test)
3 – Trust & Safety: Feeling safe (physically, emotionally, financially) in the care of your partner (Dating Phase)
4 – Emotional Bonding: Feeling a deep emotional attachment to your partner and interest to build a life together (Co-habitation phase with commitment requirements)
5 – Appreciation, Respect & Thoughtfulness: Feeling appreciated for all that you do as a life-partner for your lover (Helping with chores, Making your partner’s life easier during busy day-to-day life)
~DominantSoul
There is a huge difference between domineering (controlling/bullying) and dominant (self-confident) personalities. In fact, controlling, manipulating, bullying personalities are the opposite of self-confident personalities. A dominant personality should make you feel at ease with their calm leadership, knowledge and their interest in your needs whereas a bullying/manipulating personality will likely make you feel slightly uncomfortable with their pressure tactics about meeting their own needs and demands. Dominants are NOT angry women haters but domineering, controlling bullies are! So, listen and trust the little voice inside your head.
Immense trust is the foundation of most D/s relationships. A Dom/sub relationship requires much more trust than any vanilla sexual relationship because a woman is putting her physical/mental safety in the hands of a man. Hence the emotional intimacy of a D/s relationship is usually much deeper and more intense as well. A Dom cherishes and loves his sub for “Her Gift” of submission. Through great faith and trust in a Dom, a submissive gives over full control of her body and mind to her Dom. A Dom does not seize or coerce that submission. It is a decision of free will that a sub chooses who she will hand over control for a period of time (play session or evening). After that time period is over, you both revert back to roles of equals.
The role of a Dom is somewhat like a sexual personal trainer who can take you to a place you cannot reach by yourself by pushing you beyond your personal limits safely. A Dom takes the time to build that trust and rapport with a sub by understanding her sexual interests, past experiences, fears/concerns, kinks/fetishes and limits. There are actual fetish checklists available online that some Doms use to make a written record for themselves of a sub’s likes/dislikes, interests, limits and future interests as a starting point for training, like a personal trainer would make notes of your physical fitness benchmarks and goals. Before any play session starts, a good Dom will establish a unique “safe word” to ensure a sub’s safety during a session – a safe word is a word or phrase that uniquely expresses a sub’s need for a Dom to slow down. Then a Dom takes great care to ensure her physical and emotional safety during a session while still pushing her limits and attempting to blow her mind. And afterwards, he shows her a great deal of appreciation and affection for her immense trust and for her gift of submission through sensual “aftercare” to soothe her body and mind (For example: cleaning her body with a warm towel, a soothing bubble bath, washing her hair or a warm oil massage).
~DominantSoul
HINT #1:
If a Dom demands you to call him Sir or Master at a first meeting, he may be a poser (or very formal, very rigid or self-important)! The first meeting should be a meeting of equals who are trying to determine if there is a common foundation of interest, fit and chemistry to pursue a potential D/s relationship – No sex or BDSM play is involved. ONLY after a sub has chosen to give herself to a Dom must she refer to him as Sir or Master. First meetings should ALWAYS be in a public location and most commonly, no D/s play or sex is involved and no personal information is exchanged. It is purely an initial screening meeting to assess mutual compatibility. If he says at your first meeting, “I am your Master now, you are My sex slave. You must fuck me now”, get up and leave! He is a fake and an idiot.
HINT #2:
If a Dom does NOT discuss your past BDSM experiences, limits, concerns or safe words, he is likely a poser. One of the most important aspects of being a Dom is ensuring a sub’s emotional and physical safety during a session. If he is not discussing your limits, he is not concerned with your safety!
HINT #3:
If a Dom demands you do sexual acts which are either dangerous to your health (i.e. unprotected sex with strangers) or against your will (i.e. rape/assault), he is likely a poser and/or sexual criminal. All BDSM play should be safe, sane and consensual with predefined limits. Always listen to the voice in your head about people, it is trying to keep you safe and alive.
Hint #4:
If a Dom says there are an extensive set of rules that you must ALWAYS obey (i.e. at work, at home alone, etc.), he is potentially a poser or just a Dom looking for a 24/7 slave. For MOST people, BDSM is an escape from their every day lives and from vanilla sex. For a newbie, it is NOT usually a 24/7 lifestyle choice… The role of a submissive is most-often a temporary state a woman chooses to take on for a play session or an evening or set time period. After that period is over, you revert to roles of equals. However, there are many women who develop deep emotional connections and great emotional satisfaction from serving their Doms over a long period of time together who ask their Doms to be “owned” who then become permanent submissives or “slaves”. You need to first define what your limits are and decide if his rules meet your lifestyle needs.
Hint #5:
An experienced Dom will also have references of the subs he has trained in the past. Ask for the contact information of a few of his former subs. References are an important way of determining if there is a good fit for you with this Dom based on the kind of sessions he has conducted with his former subs and how he made his subs feel about their experience. Validation of a Dom by other subs is critical ensuring your own safety. Of course, this can be complicated if a Dom only plays within relationships so asking to talk to an ex is problematic.
Hint #6:
Leading up to the first meeting or during your first meeting, if there are little logical inconsistencies in his story about his situation, his past, his experiences as a Dom or his behaviour that makes you slightly uneasy but you cannot put your finger on some specific issue, then listen to that voice. A Dom should make you feel calm and at ease, not nervous and uptight. For example: Asking you to send nude photos before you initially meet but you already have facial photos or photos that show your body/build posted on your profile page. There is no actual need for a local Dom to have a nude photo of you before you are his sub. If there are alarm bells going off in your head, DO NOT IGNORE THEM… The voice in your head represents thousands of years of evolutionary instincts trying to keep you safe and alive. It is ALWAYS right. ALWAYS listen to it! Politely excuse yourself to the washroom, then quietly head to the door and don’t look back!
Preparing for Your First Face to Face Meeting:
Whenever meeting a new Dom from online (i.e. a complete stranger) for the first session in a private location, you must take some simple precautions to ensure your personal safety;
Always tell someone where/who you are meeting and provide their contact information (name and profile name, address, mobile number, email address).
Arrange a safety call at a prearranged time during a session and use a codeword in case there is a problem requiring assistance but you cannot say anything with him present.
6 – Feeling Sexy, Beautiful & Desired: Feeling desired as sexual being by your partner (Not a simple feat with kids, work, house to balance as a couple)
7 – Sexual Acceptance and Emotional Safety: Feeling emotionally secure to fully disclose your most intimate or dark desires to your partner without any fear of negative fall-out (rejection, social ridicule, moral outrage, relationship breakup)
8 – Uninhibited Sexual Expression: Feeling secure to be wildly sexual, uninhibited and sexually adventurous
NOTE: This model is not fully applicable to sexual flings/thrill seeking; fuck buddies or friends with benefits relationships because the motivations, emotions and behaviors are significantly different than in a committed relationship. This model is focused specifically on understanding committed long-term relationships because it is the most complex case.
It has been said, “If you want to get your wife in the mood for sex, do the dishes”… One of the major reasons couples don’t have much sex after they have kids is they are physically exhausted from life. This makes sense since most marriage/relationship break down at level 5 when the couple becomes emotionally disconnected with each other…
~DominantSoul
Sub Rights: Coping With The Pressure To Submit As A Novice Submissive
he issue which concerns me lately is there seems to be very few knowledgeable, experienced Doms and hundreds of novice female submissives eager to have their first kinky experiences. This large demand vs. supply imbalance has created a dynamic where unscrupulous men online are posing as experienced Doms and are sexually preying on novice submissives.
There is a few things all novice submissives need to understand to stay safe before meeting anyone claiming to be an experienced Dom from online for the first time:
For any novice submissive, having no BDSM experiences is always better than a bad, scary or dangerous BDSM experience that scars you emotionally or physically. Be patient. Don’t submit to the first man you meet claiming to be a Dom.
An experienced Dom should exude a degree of calm confidence that puts you at ease with time. A predator will make you feel pressured to obey his agenda, manipulation attempts and demands.
An experienced Dom should ask you about your BDSM interests, experiences and limits. His goals for the meet should be to build rapport and trust for ongoing relationship, not a one-time sexual encounter for rough sex.
Sensual Domination is about trust and seduction. An experienced Dom should inspire trust and seduce your mind so you want to give him control over your body and mind. A predator will use aggression to pressure you to meet his agenda.
When you meet a new Dom from online, he is not YOUR Dom yet. He is simply complete stranger from the Internet who claims to know something about training submissives. You don’t know anything about his psychological history or his sexual or criminal past. Treat him accordingly. Feel free to test his BDSM knowledge and challenge his training expertise. Ask detailed questions about his training process. Ask for areas of BDSM expertise (rope, impact play, caning, suspensions, etc). Ask for references. You have every right to refuse all sexual demands he places on you during your first meeting. He is not your Dom yet…
Ask what type of Dom he is; Sadist (pain-based) or Sensual Dom (pleasure-based).
Ask about his relationship preference; BDSM play partner, monogamous, non – exclusive, polyamourous or as part of stable of submissives. Ask how many subs he currently has and how often you would see each other.
There should be no rush to submit to anyone. You choose your Dominant when you meet someone who meets your selection criteria and passes your gut check. Interview several Dom candidates first to make an informed decision. Until you select the Dom you want to be trained by, you are a completely free woman.
Trust is the critical for your physical and mental well-being. It takes both time and consistency of words and actions. Watch for inconsistencies that should trigger alarms in your mind.
There are many men attracted to the BDSM community recently who claim to be Dominants who are simply violent women haters or are looking for a quick hookup. They are not Dominants. They simply confuse the label “kinky” with “open to rough sex from any man” or “DTF”.
There is a huge difference between consensual kinky rough sex and sexual assault. Consent is given explicitly and with conditions of hard & soft limits.
Consentual kinky sex comes with safe words. You are always in full control. You can slow down or stop any Domination session at anytime.
Take a test drive session. No need to make any commitment until you have real proof of skills and knowledge.
ALWAYS listen to the voice in your head. It’s millions of years of evolution trying to keep you safe.
~DominantSoul
Sub Motivation: Why Do You Submit?
A submissive is a woman who, of her own free will, give over full control of her body, mind and soul. To be a good Dominant, you need to thoroughly understand the emotional motivations of a submissive. The following list is a aggregation of all the different motivations I have observed by female submissives.
Why do you submit?
Why do you submit?
The Reasons A Submissives Submits:
Mental & Emotional Escape: Many of my subs are Alpha Females (executive, lawyers, doctors, politicians, Supermoms’) who are highly intelligent, driven, successful, and confident. They generally intimidate most other men. They lead incredibly demanding public lives but they crave to escape to a place where they have no control and they have no decision making requirements in their sex lives.
Being Devoured & Unleashing Dark Passions: Deep inside them, they have craved to just be devoured and consumed by a bold, confident Dominant man without being asked. It is often a deep sexual craving they have for most of their adult lives. Being devoured sexually unleashes passions deep inside them and makes them feel incredibly sexual, highly desired, deeply feminine and incredibly aroused.
Deep Trust & Intimacy: I give my subs a safe emotional/sexual sanctuary. They show me a deeply intimate part of themselves that they have usually never shown any other man, even their former husbands and boyfriends. They know they are emotionally safe to be completely “naked” with me knowing they are unconditionally accepted for their desires, kinks and fantasies. They also know that any desire or fantasy can be realized with me without any judgment, ridicule, criticism or rejection. We share a journey of deep intimacy to places they won’t likely travel to with other men.
Pleasing & Servicing Other’s Needs: Most subs are pleasers by nature and by their upbringing. There is a deep sense of accomplishment and self-worth that comes from meeting the needs of others for them. Sexually and non-sexually pleasing a Dominant give them a great sense of accomplishment and self-worth.
Danger, Uncertainty & Mindfucks: Part of not having control is also not knowing what will happen next. A sub never can be truly prepared for any session because they have no idea where this journey will take them. Uncertainty and danger, places the mind in a hyper-vigilant state due to our natural Fight-Flight response. By keeping a sub blindfolded and constantly off-balance regarding what will happen next extends that heightened state. It is why contrasting stimuli are so powerful (silence/loud, soft/hard, hot/cold, fast/slow, painful/gentle) to mindfuck a sub. The sexual release when in a heightened state of danger or surprise is significantly more powerful.
He is Your One: This is how an anonymous sub described her submission in a private email to me, “He is my heart divorced from my body. What I do for Him I would not do for any other soul. He often remarks that He has yet to find the thing I will not do for Him. I kneel in supplication because it honors Him. There is no way I can ever repay Him for making me whole. Instead, I give Him all of myself. There is no part that I do not offer to Him. I am not a masochist. I know he enjoys inflicting pain. I give this to Him. My tears are part of my service. I endure, comforted in the knowledge that He would never harm me.”
~DominantSoul
Using Sound A Powerful Sexual Arousal Trigger
Be My Jingle Slut:
The advertising geniuses of Madison Avenue have long known the power of sound/music as a subconscious mental trigger for our emotional responses – Think about the thousands of songs you know the lyrics based on the music and how each song makes you feel when you hear it… It is mind blowing. Auditory branding using music or jiggles have been around for decades for everything from soft drinks to running shoes to hamburger chains to automobiles. We instantly recognize the product or brand or TV show by just a few notes of a jiggle or classic rock song. In our technology world, now we are surrounded by recurring sounds that link us mentally to a product experience – when we restart our computer, turn on our mobile phone or open our car doors.
What does the happy sound of jingling bells remind you of? Yes, Christmas… It is almost a universal experience that jingling bells remind us of Christmas. Here is an evil way to warp that fond, childhood memory of Christmas into a deliciously twisted permanent sexual trigger for your submissive. Enjoy ;D
Attached a small bell to each of her wrist & ankle restraints, to the collar, to each nipple clamps, and to the handle of the butt plug inserted in the ass of your sub. This means with every movement she makes with her naked, pleasure-giving body, she will rhythmically jingles… How can we use this new deliciously sexy feature for twisted evil?
Be my sweet Jingle Slut...
~DominantSoul
Associating Submission with Jingling Bells: Have her kneel facing backwards on living room chair then lean over the back of the chair so her breasts hang free. Secure her wrists to the back legs and secure her ankles to the front legs of the chair. Attach nipple clamps with bells to her hanging nipples. Blindfold her so her other senses are heightened and she is forced to be 100% inside her head throughout the session. Gather her hair into a ponytail, twist the ponytail then sharply pull her head back. Have her count out loud from 1-40 in sets of 10. After each set of 10, soothe her ass with your gentle hand. Wail on her ass with varying timing and force to keep her off-balance with your paddle, belt or flogger until her ass is bright red and hot to the touch. Make her body lurch/spasm and her breasts heave and sway with each stroke. Listen to sound of your Jingle Slut…
Simulated Double Penetration: Attach a dildo with a suction base to the wall mirror or side of bedpost at the height of her pussy so when in the doggie position on the floor. Have her slide backwards until the cock head of the dildo is inside her pussy. Now place your cock in her mouth… Grab her hair firmly in a ponytail to steady her head. Instruct your slut to slide back and forth on the dildo and your cock. Listen to the sound of your Jingle Slut.
Anal Sex She Will Always Crave: Instruct your sub to insert Ben Wa Balls or a Kegel Exercisers into her pussy 2-5 hours before your planned play session. This will ensure her pussy and mind are thoroughly sexually aroused before the session even begins. This works exceptionally well if she must insert them while still at work. Pushing her limits while at work will make her squirm in her chair and peak her mental arousal as she secretly struggles to maintain her composure in her professional environment. Before you arrive for the session, she will prepare herself for anal sex by first evacuating her bowels then thoroughly douching in the shower with an enema kit. Have her assume the doggie position on the bed or chair as you enter the room so her knees are at the edge of the bed. Apply a liberal about of lube or oil to her asshole and to your cock then slowly push your cock head into her ass then stop. Let her push back on your cock so she can set the pace of initial penetration to prevent injury or pain. Once she is able to take you all the way in without any pain, have her hold her wand vibe to her clit. As you thrust into her ass, your cock will push down on the Ben Wa Balls in her pussy which will in turn push against her G-spot which will cause her want to squirt… Now she will always LOVE anal sex because her pussy, clit, G-spot and nipples are all pushing her towards waves of multiple orgasms as you fuck the HELL out of her ass… Listen to the sound of your dirty Jingle Slut…
Add a Scent Layer to Create a Mind-Blowing Powerful Sexual Trigger: Buy 3-5 vanilla scented candles to burn in your room during your session… Why are you burning a scented candle? Smell is our single most powerful trigger of memories. Specific smells can bring back the most vivid and the most remote memories from our minds. Why a vanilla candles?? When people are surveyed about the scents that they like, vanilla is the one smell that a vast majority of people enjoy. In fact the Sheraton Hotel chain “brands” the vanilla smell of their executive suites so you instantly recognize and are drawn to the familiar experience at their hotel rooms. Vanilla is also a common smell in public locations that will also trigger a sexual response. Now imagine layering jingling bells with a vanilla Xmas cookies…. You sub will be crossing her legs throughout Christmas…
The Sound of Her Submission:
Now that you have planted that powerful auditory trigger in her mind, every time she hears jingle bells in public, you know she will be thinking of the nasty things you have done to her and her pussy will begin to gape then gush with arousal – Jingling bells is the sound of her submission to you and her lovely body cannot help but respond.
To be extra cruel as a Dom, you could buy her a slave anklet or wrist bracelet with tiny bells to wear discreetly in public during the summer or at home and at work so she had a constant reminder of your ownership of her body and mind. If you want to trigger her arousal anywhere and at any time, assign the jingling bells ringtone to your numbers on her mobile phone for calls and text/IM messages so you can make her wet whenever you want and every time you communicate with her.
And, yes your submissive will be quivering, spasming and dripping throughout the entire Christmas season from Thanksgiving to New Years. It makes you want to take her to the local mall in a short skirt and heels just to meet Santa. Watching her struggle to maintain her composure in public as she waits patiently in line is soo deliciously evil. If that doesn’t give you an evil grin as a Dom, nothing else will… ;D
~DominantSoul
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