Dom how would your sub's life change after submitting to you?

Dom how would your sub's life change after submitting to you?

Default​(dom male) • Apr 28, 2025

Hi I'm still very new in the whole domination/BDSM thing, but this is a question I got from a sub that I honestly didn't know how to answer.

"How would my life change if I submit to you?"

Now the sub presented an example from their previous talks with other doms. That particular dom wanted full control of the sub, not only sexually but also socially. Controlling if and when the sub would do, basically anything with their life. Now I had a particular hard time answering that question because I would classify myself as a soft dom. I see my "domination" as restraining someone using silk cuffs. Silk cuffs do absolutely nothing to restrain someone in the literal sense but it shows commitment as the control is self imposed. I say self imposed as I see the "power" of the dom deriving from the sub. So in a sense the sub has all the power it's just deciding to delegate that power to others (the dom).

Now onto answering the question, I wouldn't know how my sub's life would change after they decide to submit to me as I wouldn't exactly dominate them as other doms would. I don't like to put people down, but to uplift them and that would include my sub.

Now how can, I guess, discover how my domination would change a my sub's life? Is there a way to finding that out before entering a dynamic? Or would I have to enter one first and then discover it along the way?

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

TopekaDom​(dom male)​{Chaos } • Apr 28, 2025

She'd sleep in a cage a lot more.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 28, 2025

Silk cuffs, or ribbons can tighten -depending on how they are tied- to the degree they might cause nerve damage, circulation issues. Wide, soft, padded leather cuffs are the safest option. Certainly you can use silk, or ribbons in combination with leather cuffs, and maybe for very short duration bondage, on their own, but for longer, more heavy sessions, lots of pulling and struggling, leather cuffs are vital for optimum safety.

lunamuse​(sub female) • Apr 28, 2025

Genuinely almost spit out my coffee

TopekaDom​(dom male)​{Chaos } • Apr 28, 2025

and more bibs, it would seem

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 28, 2025

Presently my sub constantly does whatever she can tonplease me.

I'm collaring her this Friday night.

Last night after stating for the third time that she's thirsty, while not wanting to end our usual vid chat, I told herbsomething that blew her mind. As owned and collared she is my property and I value my property. So by her taking care of herself better she's taking care of my property which most certainly pleases me.

Lunav​(sub female) • Apr 28, 2025

I’m not the best person to advise you on this since I’m still pretty new, but I can share my perspective and hopefully give you an idea.🤷🏻‍♀️

Every Dom is different, and so is every sub, so it might not help much, so just a heads up! 🫣

First, maybe start by figuring out what kind submissive she is. That can make a big difference

Soooo
For me, if I had to describe what I hope for, it would be support, guidance, and someone who helps me grow ,someone who creates a space where I feel safe, seen, and valued.

I would want encouragement and care, someone who holds me accountable to my goals and celebrates my wins with me.
(Of course, there’s also the kinky side too, but that’s a whole other conversation haha 😂 .)
This is how my life would change, to be the best for me and my D

But honestly, a different sub might want something completely different. That’s why these conversations matter so much.

You might want to ask her (or any sub you’re considering)something like
-What areas of her life would she want your involvement in?
-How does she want to be supported or challenged?
-What does she hope to feel through submitting?
-What does she expect from you as a Dom?

Honestly, I expect things to unfold naturally (which is probably why I failed in past relationships and dynamics. 😅)
That’s also a big reason why I’m not starting anything right now. 🫣☹️

Default​(dom male) • Apr 28, 2025

Thanks for taking the time to answer.

I roughly said the same things to the s, and they posed a question that really made me think. "How would that differ from a normal relationship?" And I couldn't really say really.

So I would like to make the same question to you. How would that differ from a normal relationship? Apart from the whole D/s dynamic, that yeah it is important but would the whole encouragement, care, and the creation of a space safe to be oneselve in mine and your version of a D/s dynamic differ from one in a let's say vanilla relationship?

Lunav​(sub female) • Apr 28, 2025

Ummmm
I think the biggest difference is that a D/s dynamic is connected to a power exchange.

in D/s, one person chooses to guide, protect, and lead, and the other chooses to trust, follow, and serve.

That trust and surrender changes everything.

A sub can find happiness and fulfillment, making their Dom happy. ( like giving parts of yourself in a way that feels really meaningful and sacred🤔)

And for a Dom, ( I think and hope ) there is happiness in seeing their sub grow, and feel safe under their care.

So even though it might look similar. There is trust, responsibility, and devotion.

Well maybe lol
You will get better answers from someone with more experience 😅

(side note: someone needs to help me answer 😭!!!! I like light conversations and topics and I just got stuck on a hard one 🤣🤣 I wrote this twice lol )

Susie Q​{Daddy Ant} • Apr 28, 2025

A submissive’s life changes simply because (after EXTENSIVE vetting and the belief that their chosen dominant will have the submissive’s best interest in mind) after submitting, a submissive is no longer thinking about self. A mindset is put in place that they are no longer first in their thoughts, the dominant is.