I think that switching is best.

I think that switching is best.

notavanilla • Oct 17, 2018

I was on a discussion online on another site but switching came up so I posted something.

Thought I would share some of this with you.

First topic was topping from the bottom but then it led to other topics involving switching. These are some of my ideas about this

subject. Hope you find it interesting.

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First off I think that topping from the bottom is a submissive, masochist, switch, slave ect.. that wants to control the action being done to him/her. They are almost like a coach who is giving orders to the dominant during the scene.
A submissive that wants something should have a discussion before the scene starts and get this out in the open and then when the scene starts the dominant is totally in control and the submissive takes a back seat completely.
About switching is one for me of being a dominant or submissive but it's best to do one or the other because of the sex afterwards and the bondage that is still likely to be part of that session/scene. I want to have sex with whomever I am dominating and I want them to be in bondage when I want that sex which is likely after the action. When I submit I want it the same way where I am dominated and I want to stay bound when the dominant wants to give me pleasure. After the sex it is time to relax and enjoy what was done that night/evening/day ect..
BDSM without sex is a total no go for me. They are attached and the erotic nature of BDSM makes sex that much more interesting and pleasurable.
Now when a person says they can never switch because of this or that I simply have this answer. Go and hang around with other masters/mistresses and over time you get a clue about their attitude and can often see their action/activities/sessions/scenes. You can ask to be invited to observe them with someone they are dominating. You could also ask them to come with you when you have a chance to dominate your partner. They could quickly get you up to speed in dominating or even subbing if your willing to hang out with submissive people. Some however are not at all switches. Many doms/subs cannot identify with the role of the other. I however think that there is something for both if you can get over your mental state and give it a try. I also think and know that the best dominants are the ones who were submissive, masochist, switch, slaves and had been dominated. They know what this action does instead of guessing. In much the same way you learn as well what this feels like and what that feels like or what this situation entails and what it doesn't. You can accurately compare.
Switching with the same person seems to be the best for this because you have a person you can share your experiences and discuss it with your partner from both perspectives. At first it may be awkward but in a short period of time that should wear off and then you have the knowledge of both and can totally understand your partner.
Both can be good fun and since I tend to want to have fun and am not a very, very serious dominant it can be playful and even humorous at times. The main thing for me is that the BDSM gets me and especially a female partner prepared for some pleasure and some orgasms.
I do personally gear it so that the dominant gives the pain and then the pleasure. The submissive receives the pain but then gets rewarded with the pleasure. Of course both get pleasure because the dominant get some pleasure too but also the pleasure of providing a most pleasurable experience to the submissive regardless of the pain.

Get out there and give a little bit of this a taste. Don't box yourself out of something that could be the best you ever had. Be open and sex is for life so don't think like today is the end all. It's always a good time to learn and experience those most interesting things.

Give it all an open mind.

notavanilla

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Oct 17, 2018

It’s your opinion but not science!
I will never switch it’s not my nature and don’t intend to try just because you tried it and liked it?
But thanks for your interesting post and point of view on how we should embrace
BDSM
And it’s not because we haven’t pass through the way of submission that we can’t understand or run our relationship well

notavanilla • Oct 18, 2018

I tried both so I can talk about KNOWING whereas if you haven't then you CAN'T. It is only guessing but knowing is better and that is why I say what I say. Some sub females will give a run but many dom males won't. You will see mistresses who were subs. Not too many dom males become subs. I didn't I switched from the start and that is because I did want to know.
You don't have the variety that switchers have. Sure it is not in your nature.

It's more of my nature to have an open mind and try new things.

notavanilla

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Oct 18, 2018

don’t have to try to know something!
Anyway it’s more likely because you have a submissive nature in the first place.
A Dom of my type doesn’t even think about it, simple
I will try most things in life but I know for sure what I won’t ever try.

Sybil • Oct 18, 2018

It always amazes me when someone says “in order to be a good Domme you should try becoming a sub or training as a sub so you can see it from the other side” I personally have to disagree it’s just not in my nature. If switching is something you enjoy that’s great but yea I don’t EVER see myself becomeing a submissive just not in my nature

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Oct 19, 2018

I agree Sybil, some people think they have science infused! Then I look into theur profile and found flaws and contradiction
Good luck to find a slave who switch ?
No offence

Jems​(sub female) • Oct 19, 2018

I love switching and my experience in relationships is split pretty evenly between both roles, but I've only had 2 partners who were also equally open and into switching . But that's cool, but to everyone needs to be themselves.
I will say I have found many doms who don't seem to like women who consider themselves equally attracted and good at each role, sometimes even appearing to try to argue with me regarding my own identity...challenging me as though I'm somehow challenging them just be being me. Their loss.
In general, most people in this overall community understand that there are really no clear cut definitions of any of this.

ps: When I listed myself as a switch, few people responded, but when I changed that to sub, and just included my description, I got more responses.

notavanilla • Oct 26, 2018

When all of this came to me back in the early 70's I didn't know one from the other but of course that changed. It had more to do with the element of curiosity than any actual nature of being one or the other or both. You learn by doing and that is something that I do subscribe to. It has helped me overcome so much to have some experience in something than it would to not know anything.
I admit that it is my opinion that switching is best. I still think that and I think that if I pulled everything out and examined it I would come to the same conclusion.
I often have seen some very selfish doms that are out there. They don't think of their partner. Maybe they think that is what the sub wants but let me present a situation to you and see how you would deal with it.
Let's say a person comes to you and tells you that they want to suffer and that they deserve to be punished. They would like me or you to do this for them.
What I would do is being held until a few responses.
What would a dom do?
What would a switch do?
Not to say that they would be different in their thoughts and actions but ...

Curious to any response to this.

notavanilla

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 26, 2018

This is a throw back to old guard bdsm.


I think 2 things.


One-- there is no "best" way. Except the best way for you.


Two- I switched with my love a long time ago. I crashed hard and it lasted a few days.

I believe this crash taught me a LOT about how sub drop feels, how to react, and what to look for. It was invaluable in my knowledge base.

Tanaquil • Oct 26, 2018

There is some value in knowing both sides, but it's not mandatory. I tried topping a few times and absolutely loathed it. It ran contrary to every fiber of my being. The only value I got out of it was confidently being able to say that it's not for me.

The selfish doms who lack consideration for their partners aren't the sort who would get anything out of a subbing experience anyway, in the unlikely event they would agree to try it. There are other resources for learning things. If they had empathy in the first place, they would be using them already.

I used to be involved with a switch, and if anything, it made him a worse dom. He claimed to experienced less sensation than the average person (he always chalked it up to having less nerve endings; I have no idea whether that was true or how he would even know) and he was either incapable of or unwilling to comprehend that I could possibly be in pain from something that didn't hurt when it was done to him.

Most switches won't be like that, of course. He had other issues. But being willing to switch isn't a surefire sign of anything except that they enjoy both sides of the slash.