"collared" status

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 29, 2018

Ignoring what's written in a profile is far different from defining what someone's collar or status means to them.

Same issue comes up with folks who list themselves as monogamous yet seek partners. It's a mixed message and up to the individual to figure out. I may have strong feelings on what monogamous means and the boundaries there...but I'm not going to assume someone else defines it or respects it in the same manner I do. If I want to know, I'll ask politely.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 29, 2018

IRT collars arent any different.

I've had people walk right up to my love and finger her collar and lock.

That did not go well.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 29, 2018

Uhhh...teh fuck? Never mind collar. No touching without permission. That ain't kink, just common sense.

Redtailedkitty • Nov 29, 2018

Wow! No one in our community that valued their fingers would touch me with my or Sir’s consent. What I do appreciate though about in person interactions is that Dom’s don’t shy away from simple conversation just because I am collared. Online I’m pretty much invisible as a person because of my collar. For the douchecanoes that’s fine but friendship that’s ridiculous.

Lady Pheonix​(dom female) • Nov 29, 2018

I have the utmost respect for someone else's chosen subs / slaves. I feel touching, or even playing with someone else's property is inherently wrong without given permission. But wether online, in chat, or in any environment, communication is key. Talking to someone should not depend on collared or not, only on manners, a little respect and open-ness.

I have travelled far and wide, and love meeting new people. Being told one cannot talk is like being told not to breath for Me

Long live rock and roll, and long live good conversation !!

dollMaker​(dom male) • Nov 29, 2018

Closed minds are such a shame.

One of the most moving, beautiful, powerful things, in my view, is a sub taking a collar, freely and choosing to put it round their neck. Whether they take it from physical hands, or as Savida does, removes it from a special box, and places the collar, I sent her, round her neck. The effect is the same, the meaning, symbolism power not diminished.

I remember many years ago reading about the power of this and the difference between placing a collar round a subs neck, to them doing it themselves. As I had not experienced this when I read that article I did not appreciate it, until it happened and I then realised that there was nothing so magical as to have this happen. First time I experienced this I cried, so overwhelming were the emotions in me on seeing that.

I do not in anyway feel short changed that I don't actually place that collar round Savida's neck, her doing it, freely, lovingly, as she does is all I need.

It is so sad to me that in a lifestyle where supposedly diversity and alternative ways of being are to be protected and cherished that so often others consensual ways of doing things are, attacked, ridiculed and derided. Those who consensually enjoy, derive meaning from online involvements, however that is done, are just as valid as those doing it only in the physical world.

Lady Pheonix​(dom female) • Nov 29, 2018

"It is so sad to me that in a lifestyle where supposedly diversity and alternative ways of being are to be protected and cherished that so often others consensual ways of doing things are, attacked, ridiculed and derided. Those who consensually enjoy, derive meaning from online involvements, however that is done, are just as valid as those doing it only in the physical world."


This is the most telling thins I have heard or seen in a long time. Kudo's and respect, I for one could NOT agree MORE with this statement!!

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 29, 2018

Amen. One of the "Long Distance is not online, they're totally different.." crowd should really explain where that line is. So far they have failed miserably at explaining what changes with plans to meet or meeting once then going back. Communication and bond remain in the same realm.

Then again, many are bitter over being burned and projecting.

SweetSirRendering​(sub female) • Nov 29, 2018

reserve judgment. ask.

*DISCLAIMER: this is something i have been meaning to say, but i do not want to publicly shame anyone. not even the bullies. i am not saying the OP is a bullying post, but it was a good topic to help put some things out there. "you" and "your" is said as a general term to address everyone. not the poster.

REAL LIFE (whether online and in person = real people) is complicated sometimes. (online is no less valid than long distance or real life to those in those relationships. you are entitled to your opinion. stop shaming others for having a different opinion. turn your focus inward if you find yourself consumed by others. how are they hurting you? ask yourself, were you appointed as steward? ask the steward of this site. you will likely find they agree. you are not the marshal of collars, the queen or king of kink...etc. i didnt vote for you

SHARING PERSONAL INFO HERE ONLY BECAUSE I HOPE IT HELPS REMIND PEOPLE THAT WE ARE ALL PEOPLE HERE BEHIND THIS SCREEN. THIS IS NOT A DATING SITE FOR SOME. COLLAR STATUS IS COMPLICATED SOMETIMES. THIS ISNT A GAME. THIS ISNT ROLLPLAYING. SOMETIMES THIS IS ROLLPLAYING. LIFE CAN BE COMPLICATED. SOMETIMES LIFE IS SIMPLE. RELATIONSHIPS ARE PERSONAL AND PRIVATE AND DO NOT NEED TO HAVE ALL NUANCES SPELLED OUT PUBLICLY. SOME RELATIONSHIPS ARE PUBLIC. QUESTIONS? ASK. *not shouting. just writing big

Making this personal because i want to:

personally, i have been shamed publicly, mocked, judged about my collar status and my behavior on this site based on whose rules? i have participated in public tomfoolery in "vanilla" play and flirtation which actually amuses my Dom (but not why i do it). it is playful and not spank fodder. i am sure if i were to actually roll play publicly, you would blush. hard. I am not every doms' sub. i am definitely not a sub's sub. if i speak to other doms it is because i can. my Dom and i have established trust and boundaries over 10 years in real life. we raised children together. if my SIR approves of me, i dont care if some plaything with no relationship experience or some god on high wants to correct me for not following rules from their understanding of protocol seen in playground scenes, in books, and their fantasies or their own personal relationship dynamics. my life is not their kink. i wear my collar for Him, for myself, for Us. i do not judge you, whoever you are. if it feels like i am speaking to you, ask yourself why. i am not. this is in general. it hurts me to see others being hurt. why are you hurting?

my Dom and I have been making some adjustments to our relationship and things have been complicated over this last month. becoming involved in a community was a decision we made for me. during this period where we have been redefining who we are together, i have had several changes to my online collar status. each change was very difficult, but was agreed on between He and I. not some opinion by people on THIS site. they were decisions we made together.

my collar status is deeply personal. this collar is sacred to me. my relationships with people are sacred to me. i am private, believe it or not. i know every situation has many facets. i dont vent publicly, but no judgment on any that do. if you do, be prepared to answer for it if you are doing another wrong. questions about me? ask me.

COLLAR: is there a drop down menu defining what goes in that box on this site? No.

STATUS A: asked to be released. collar status went to "myself" to give one more layer of protection to show i required that level of respect, was not looking, hoped to ward off some if not all solicitations, was still collared to him in my heart, but was not ready to say available. is that acceptable? yes.
STATUS B: collar status changed to his initials per our agreement. was not clear enough for some that were contacting me. changed to "collared" for their sake to avoid confusion.
STATUS C: collar status went to "myself" yet again. rocky road.
STATUS D: collar status has changed to hold my heart. he requested i reflect collared in any way i chose to show the commitment as we navigate a very new dynamic, but with his commitment to me as strong as mine to him. he is presenting me with a new eternity collar. i am accepting it. he is mono. i am now poly. he is my Dom. I am free to date if i wish, but if i want to move into an official relationship with another i will work with all parties to ensure we are all happy.

I would never share this publicly if it wasnt for how much shaming i am seeing from some directed at others. i am hoping to stop some of this disgusting judgmental behavior to protect those that may be hurting. people hurt. it repulses me to see so much derision and "one true way" judgment by self appointed authorities on BDSM relationships. We are all different. try inclusion. try communication. assume that unless you ask, your assumption is wrong and is based only on your own projections.

Lady Pheonix​(dom female) • Nov 29, 2018

"Amen. One of the "Long Distance is not online, they're totally different.." crowd should really explain where that line is."

Stretching a little, not only do you NOT know Me personally, you are projecting slightly here. My location, though a fixed point for profile, is not ALWAYS fixed. My location will be changing in the not too distant future as I relocate My base of operations.

Assumption, as they say, is the mother of fuckup. In the last 15 years I have lived and worked in the USA, Canada, New Zealand, Australia and Europe outside the UK. Your assumption is, not only based on your own vision, but is quite frankly insulting to anyone who does not rush into meeting. Maybe you should read up on the number of people who have been assaulted over rushing into meetings with people they had no bond with, or the people who did not get to know people but rushed off for sex. It seems apparent to Me that My experiences have been more involved and widespread than you think.

You should remember, that inflamatory words softly spoken do not hide intent as well.


To long distance relationships, I was engaged to an Aussie woman whilst working on servers in New York, but I managed to fly home to her every second weekend, does that mean we were not engaged ? And, for the record, W/we started as online, did that stop Me relocating to Aussie ????

Online and long distance do NOT mean it is not real. Like insults hurled across a schoolyard, what is real depends on the intent of both sides.


This lifestyle is meant to be inclusive of all forms and relationships, yet you seem only concerned with trashing those of others, of lowering any connection you are not involved in. I ask, why are you here, if you do not understand a single thing about what BDSM is at it's core ? Why attack everything that is different to what YOU expect ?

and, just for the sake of pressing home difference, I wish you well with your outlook, life and connections. Your kink is not My kink and that is ok, but that does not give you the right to say My connections, life or kink is wrong. That kind of sweeping statement is only made by douchecanoes, buttmonkeys and assclowns


Have a wonderful day