Low{BLK OWND}
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5 years ago •
Jan 26, 2019
Kara
This is something I did not think about but thank you for mentioning it He has not spoken about how we could make things work or how to make it easier on me That's very telling And I can see how this could get real toxic real quick because for one every time I see him I just see the crash up ahead Master Bear thank you for stating that communication is key and that I don't have to make a snap decision I can't tell you how much that calmed me Freya your view is much appreciated for it's frankness and truthfulness More of that is needed in this community Phanes and Curiouskittyy your empathy and ability to give advice without judgement is one of the reasons I am on this site To be able to speak with people like you You are all rare gems Thank you |
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| calidomin8 |
5 years ago •
Jan 26, 2019
To Stay or Go
Ohh little one this must be very scary and startling situation...
First just breathe in and out a few times to get your mind focused and to become calm within yourself. In my opinion this decision is one you and your husband will have to discuss and make together basing it on the vision that you both for your marriage..... since it sounds like you play together. I commend you and want to express admiration in hearing how you as a couple are playing together and it sounds like you both enjoyed the situation that you had with your Dom. This much seem like quite a bit since this is your first Dom. I don't know the reason your Dom decided to tell you this only he does. Your feelings have value so explore them for however long you need but realize the details in what has be provided to you. 1. 2 Years he leaving and this will probably feel like a break-up of all sorts for you and your husband 2. Everything of this world is dynamic....so some sort of change will come into our lives ....maybe not a break-up but change is inevitable 3. You and your husband are just as important in this equation as your Dom...have different roles...all equality in the relationship. The fact he made the change to me is not the issue. The way you describe how he relayed the information to you and it doesn't sounds like he provide you with any aftercare or follow-up which seems to be a potential issue. I would formulate your questions that you would like to ask your Dom ahead of time as I know this is probably a bit much to take in since you just received the news. As others have stated then ask to have conversation about this topic of leaving in two years. I think your Dom's reply will be a key indicator and provide you with more data for you to make an informed and good decision for you and your husband. Is he dismissive and doesn't want to discuss it, is he very short or angered while having the discussion, or is he compassionate and have empathy, listens to your concerns and take your anxiousness seriously. Good luck lil one...you are more than capable of addressing the situation and deciding what is the next best for you in your life...just breathe , take your time and you'll do great! |
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Low{BLK OWND}
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5 years ago •
Jan 26, 2019
Thank you calidomin8
Your advice is very reasoned and makes me think maybe I can handle it And you are right on point the news was delivered right after a session and I was flying high in my subspace... And he had to leave quickly due to an obligation to one of his children which I understand But there was no aftercare except he did call immediately after he left to ask what was wrong It seemed he really didn't know it was such a blow to me Hubby is trying to help me deal I'll most definitely take your advice and look for his reaction when we speak again Thanks for sharing your insight and advice! |
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| Freya369 |
5 years ago •
Jan 26, 2019
How I wish...I had not been wishy washy in my reply! Must be the sub energy surfacing!
Kara's reply is the one I should have written! In the States a group of us "psychology nerds" would get together (drinking involved) and came up with what we thought was a very small number of responses to virtually any question that had popped up from clients. I named it "Banana Therapy" partly in jest, and yet not entirely, the "same issues" always seemed to predominate. After listening to all the stories... very expensive ....it goes something like this: 4 Basic Responses for all of What Ails Ya! 1. Shut it: Basically, stop talking 2. Dump Him/Her: This one seems most appropriate for our current question 3. Get Over It: Covering all the angst that one can still feel against real or imagined slights 4. It's An Illusion: Applicable to Everthing Else! We would try this game at parties, (drinking involved) people would tell us their problem...and one of us would give our response, 1 2 3 or 4. Truly hilarious...and it worked really well! Saved a fortune. Although, some here will see the above as something quite reductionist..to say the least. In the end isn't it what we have to do in the end? |
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Low{BLK OWND}
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5 years ago •
Jan 26, 2019
Freya your response was extremely helpful
I was very grateful for your opinion !! |
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MasterBear(other butch)
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5 years ago •
Jan 26, 2019
So....
I'm not going to assume I know your D types emotions or intentions. As far as I know your D type is struggling with this. What I do think is that you have a right to ask questions and get your head around the information. I dont think it's right to vilify the D type. Yes, you do have a hubby. But it's not the same. I love my love. I love my third. Sometimes I miss my love. Sometimes I miss my third. Spending time with one doesn't make my missing the other different or easier. It isnt just about a warm body. It is about the person. |
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Miki(masochist female)
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5 years ago •
Jan 26, 2019
Kara said it all.
But I gotta sound off. Unless otherwise covered at the outset of the relationship, this "disposable lover" crap is for the birds. This joker is sounding like a pro athlete. "I'm hanging up my jock in 2 years and I'm retiring to sunny Florida.. But I'll be the best quarterback I can be until then." Show this clown the door. As I said, this should have been discussed in the beginning. Fine time to find out he's got an expiration date tattooed on his ass cheeks. Sheesh. (and folks may or may not wonder why I'm "Not Looking". ) You need this joke star like you need the fucking dentist. |
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Low{BLK OWND}
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5 years ago •
Jan 26, 2019
Master Bear I do understand many types of love
And may I say the way you express yourself and your thoughts and feelings is nothing short of beautiful And very insightful and helpful It is really about the person and I'm kinda thinking my Dom is more into me/us then he thought he would be I'm his first true sub he has said This may be a part of the issues between us I'm still working it out TU for all you have shared |
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MasterBear(other butch)
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5 years ago •
Jan 26, 2019
There are a lot of assumptions here.
Situations change, finances change, peoples needs change. It may be that the D type didnt really know about what his future held until he told the OP. We cant assume that the D type " hit it and quit it". |
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Low{BLK OWND}
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5 years ago •
Jan 26, 2019
Miki you send out some serious good vibes !
Gotta love it and I'm leaning in the direction of reality verses the emotions I feel Thanks You sound like a woman who's got it together |
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