Jealous of Involving Other Women

This is a hard limit for me. I feel like he should respect if it is for you... even as punishment. I am new to this and that is just my opinion.

Fuck no.

Sorry, that’s the first thing that came to mind. Hell to the no. There’s a very significant difference between pushing boundaries and crossing them. It’s literally the foundation of this sort of relationship. Trusting the D-type to safely and consensually explore and expand your limits WITHOUT crossing them. If you’re interested or intrigued by the idea of sharing that would be one thing, but you referred to it as possibly causing irreparable damage and therefore it isn’t an avenue that should be explored. Your submission should be too valuable to him for him to want to take that risk.

My advise: Tell him it’s a hard limit for you. If he doesn’t immediately respect that and cease all conversation about this “punishment” then get the Hell out. Run for the hills. That isn’t dominance, that is manipulation.

I’m probably going to be repeating what others have said but this strikes a nerve with me a little bit.
1. You will grow and change if you’re new to D/s relationships and that is okay. But be sure you’re okay with the change, you don’t want to end up in a poly/open/swinger/etc relationship down the line wondering how you got there (if you don’t want to be there)
2. I would straight up draw a line if I wasn’t comfortable. A punishment is not something that crosses lines it is something you’ve both agreed is okay but that you don’t want on the norm (some people it’s spanking, some people it’s orgasm denial, and etc) but if you’ve drawn a line a dom/me doesn’t need to cross it to make a punishment. That is the beginning of unhealthy boundaries.

Soooooo.....

This is some prime grade A bullshit.

Punishments are not supposed to break you or the relationship.

Let's play this out here :
You pick a woman.
She somehow miraculously agrees to this stupidness.
You are forced to watch her blow him.

Then reality hits :

What happens to you emotionally?
What happens to your ability to trust?
What happens if you detach from your D type?
What happens if your D type starts craving this then creates situations where you fail so he can get blown by some strange?
What happens if 2 days later you go through this again?


Let's back off of the all punishments are valid when agreed upon because that is at its essence abuse. Negotiated or not.

This is disturbing emotional/psychological/sexual manipulation coated in the name of BDSM to seek validity.

You do not have to agree to this and spend your life in fear that you will be forced to watch your D type face fuck someone else.

This sounds pretty abusive to me. Oh and how "convenient" that he gets a BJ from another woman while helping you learn from your mistake. The likelihood of this actually happening seems pretty low. What are the chances that a woman you pick is going to agree to come over and give your Dom a BJ then leave? What does the other woman get out of this....

? a woman after my own heart.

Thank you for your feedback. We have been getting to know each other since November, and while he is more expressive than I am, I truly think he was just trying to see where my limits are. He is very intuitive, and reads and remembers my reactions and facial expressions even when I don’t communicate directly. I think I mentioned in my post that he hasn’t brought it up again but I wanted to get some feedback on the topic. I do not think he would push the issue. Like someone said in another response, I have to be careful because I am eager to please and I don’t want to suffer consequences and hurt the relationship by not being clear with myself and with him about what I am willing to do. It’s just hard because there is so much that I’m not sure would be a hard limit. I will agree that for now the involvement of another woman is a hard limit. You all are such eloquent writers and a wealth of information for me- thank you all very much.

Just wanted to thank you all again for your feedback. I am very new at this and to be fair to my dom’s character here, we haven’t even outlined a contract yet. I’ve mentioned in other posts that he is taking his time with me and building trust before we dive any deeper, so I do truly think he was just testing limits. I hear you all loud and clear and am encouraged by this community and how surprisingly empowering this lifestyle seems to be when done “right”- if that’s possible. Thanks very much.

@Babygirl



One does not build up another through fear.
One creates unhealthy co dependency through fear.


One does not help others to be stronger through forcing them beyond their limits.
One creates self doubt and internalized self hatred by forcing them beyond their limits.



One does not create a strong s type through self serving punishments.

One creates a strong s type by believing in them and helping them obtain their dreams.


I know your heart is already involved.

BUT your D type is already telling you the kind or person that they are.

Best to listen.

I am certainly a johnny-come-lately to this post, but I agree with the other postings
I was raised to believe (and don't test me apart everyone) that a Dom can have more than one sub but a sub has ONE Dom.
If you are collared, that being said, I believe that if it is discussed you front that you are willing to commit yourself to being collared by the Dom, you should have had the discussion about that part of the relationship dynamic and to be honest you state clearly you did.
If you are uncollared, and he keeps this up to mentally terrify you into doing things you don't want to LEAVE NOW!!!! This is destructive behavior on your Dom's part.
If you are collared and he is breaking the agreement poised as part of the collaring, then the collar "lock" has been broken and you are now free.
If he refused to agree to the one Dom/ one sub rule that you wanted and you still agreed to bring collared, I am at a loss. Collaring, to me, is absolute and once a sub agrees to it, unless the agreement made at collaring was broken, then you need to get advice on breaking your collar.. maybe submit to another Dom and be collared by him.. I am not certain on the loophole but neither is he.... Lol... So therefore you may be able to throw that out there. I know that no one deserves any mental abuse.. even the most debased slave is someone to be aknowledged loved and cared for.
If I can be of any help, I am here for advice.