Does age really matter?

Lotus​(sub female) • Jun 30, 2019

Hi Miranda Jean, is the Dom you are speaking of aware of the extent of your apprehension? I know you mentioned wanting to be with a Dom for the rest of your life and the fact that he claims he will help assist you to find a Dom your age eventually. BUT have you really voiced your concerns about the age gap? It sounds like it could possibly be a deal breaker. I know you want to meet him and that you may not truly know how comfortable you are with it until you meet, face-to-face. But my question is what happens when you meet and you don’t feel comfortable? Will you feel confident in telling him no? It can be awkward and you may feel overall uneasy about hurting his feelings. In my opinion, trust your instincts now, what is your gut telling you? Would you feel more regret in never meeting him or meeting him and finding out he’s not for you. You are so young and so new I have faith you can find a Dom closer to your age before you know it, if that is what you really want!

On a personal note, I do love older men. I love men who are experienced and mature and I absolutely adore the sense of security and stability the older men that I have been with have provided to me. In my experience they are less insecure and less likely to project their insecurities onto you, so therefore they have been kind more patient and understanding then men in their 20’s typically may be.

kinky kitten​(sub female) • Jun 30, 2019

Thank you guys so much! All of this helped!

CrimsonRose • Jun 30, 2019

Good topic, very thought provoking as I am the opposite of you, and have had younger men approach me.

Typically I like older men because of the "gentleman factor", so many young men have not been trained to treat a woman with the care and respect that I find a requirement in any relationship I have. As others have mentioned health problems tend to affect those in the older range, and should not be discounted. Ask if there are things you need to worry about.

Conversely, I have find myself in the age range where I still like to do many things and younger men are still able to do them. But I have children and would find it gross to date or play with someone who could have played with my children when they were growing up. For the most part I tend to like Southern and Foreign younger men as they are taught manners and etiquette when it comes to how I personally want to be treated. So will consider a man younger than myself if he shows me he understands the protocols of how to treat a lady.

I would recommend that you do a lot of vetting prior to jumping into bed or bondage with anyone. You are beholden to NO ONE even if he comes to visit you from thousands of miles away. That my dear is on him not you. Just like if a man buys you dinner, etc... it does not mean you owe him. Always be situationally aware and have an out plan prior to meeting up.

Most of the Gentlemen Dom's that I have had the pleasure of knowing want the best for you, will protect you, and do not want to use you even before you are playmates. So trust your gut feelings on your 41 year old, and if you are not ready or don't feel comfortable tell him. If he is a gentleman he will respect you for your honesty. And if he isn't a gentleman than he was never worthy of your gift of submission.

Blessings, Light and Peace from TEXAS

Re: Does age really matter?

NCarraway​(dom male) • Jun 30, 2019

Great question miranda jean,

I have had a handful of experiences like this from the other side of the fence. I think at the offset i was incredibly sensitive to the issue and couldn't get it out of my mind. I realise now that I was more worried about what other people think: which is an insane way to make decisions about an important aspect of your life. These days, if I have a date who is significantly younger than me, then i focus on her and not on what some imaginary narrow minded (probably sexually frustrated) fool is thinking.

I do agree with many of the other comments here about talking about this openly with your partner before any visit. Be open and frank about your worries, about what you see as the worse case scenario. This is my suggestion and not for everyone, but I would suggest that you put in place some limits on what you would do on the first visit. For instance like: dates are ok, days out are ok, holding hands and kissing are ok if you feel you want to, sex of any kind is off the table for this visit. Having these limits explicitly defined takes pressure off the both of you, allows you to get to know him without feeling you need to get physical in any way. Having this system put in place also allows you to find out if he is coming just for the promise of sex (which sometimes might happen) rather than just to get to know you. I can think of a time where I put these limits in place myself on a first meet/visit just to be explicit about my motives.

You mention that you want to be with a Dom for the rest of your life. You need to slow down - you are very young to make such decisions and you do not need to worry about that for many years. At the present time all you should be focussing on is exploring whether these dynamics are good for you. Right now you should be collecting reference experiences through which you can make good judgements in the future.

Lastly, you worry that this man might not help you find a Dom closer to your age. That is possible, none of us know his character. But what I would say is that I have separated from partners younger than me and helped them while they went through the process of finding a new partner. Its not impossible that he would do that.

Bunnie • Jun 30, 2019

@ NCarraway,

“Be open and frank about your worries, about what you see as the worse case scenario. This is my suggestion and not for everyone, but I would suggest that you put in place some limits on what you would do on the first visit. For instance like: dates are ok, days out are ok, holding hands and kissing are ok if you feel you want to, sex of any kind is off the table for this visit.”

this is such a great suggestion.

boofygurl​(sub female){Taken} • Jun 30, 2019

I think that once you hit a certain age that it really should go based off maturity levels than your birth date.

Of course this is coming from a gal who has always been attracted to older men... partner my kink I guess.

I am just going to say, if you feel comfortable with him and he with you, you love and cherish each other... what real harm can it do.

Does he know that it bothers you some?

No Body​(dom male) • Jun 30, 2019

It is not so much age as maturity. I have had women closer to my age and found them lacking in everything but sex drive. When I look for a sub I want someone who can chill out on the couch do as she is told and still give me a fight in backgammon. Not much to ask for but youwould think older women would have something going on more than the younger ones. Not so much. It is not age but just the mind set that hey have. I met a sub who whipped my ass in chess and kept saying how sorry she was to beat me. Hell I loved her for it. Her master was older and taught her well. Then I met a younger Dom who had a sum 25 years older and both acted like kids. Age is not a factor unless you make it one.

Bunnie • Jun 30, 2019

@ SR13,

“still give me a fight in backgammon”

Lol... “them’s fightin’ words” :b

I shall say nay

Evolocity​(dom male) • Jul 19, 2019

Now I will start by saying that I look way young for my age but I also don’t accept my age really. I mean I am truly still a wild child at heart and now I’m a mature wild child with tendencies to be immature just because I can and want to haha.

I prefer younger women typically but again it’s about maturity, intelligence, and nature.

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jul 19, 2019

The "revival" of this thread reminded me that I had wanted to respond to it, but was on vacation and forgot to! LOL So I have been attracted to younger women my entire life, in fact the only woman who was older than I, was the Domme I had back in my (brief) subbie days and she was only 3 years older. Most of the women I have been attracted to have usually been within 5 years my junior, until I hit my late 30's. My last submissive was half my age and I will admit that it was challenging, but not in the ways you would think.

The biggest issue that we had with that relationship was her impetuous behavior early on, however that is by NO means an age related issue, but rather maturity. The second was most assuredly age related and that was the propensity of people to refer to her as my daughter and me as her father. Now mind you this was not something related to her little, as that was always kept indoors (by her preference), it was simply others passing judgement based on what they "perceived." For about the first year and a half of our relationship, she had issues dealing with that. It didn't really bother me, but she hated it. She was able to overcome that eventually, but I think it just was a matter of her learning to ignore it, more than coming to acceptance.

I never really understood why I was always attracted to women younger than myself, just accepting it for what it was. That is until I discovered the DDlg dynamic, then it did make a certain amount of sense to me (although DDlg is NOT confined to actual ages as we know). Luckily, age gap relationships are much more prevalent in my experience in our "lifestyle" and are being accepted more and more in the 'nilla world as well. Though the same could be said of other "taboo" relationships such as interracial, poly etc., as they have all become much more mainstream and accepted by many more, than in the past. Lastly, all I will add is that others in this thread before me, have laid out the reasons why an age gap relationship can be of a benefit to someone. But, in the end, each person must decide what they want from a relationship and what they are "attracted" to. If a person cannot relate or find themselves attracted to a younger or older person, than by all means you should probably stick to people closer to your age. It's no different than any other preference (or limit if you will), it's simple, don't like it? Don't do it!