Prioritizing/Scheduling

dragonbaby​(sub female) • Aug 13, 2019

Maybe think about what you would want as well. Doms and subs are both people. When my Dom is not able to be available for regular chats or one on ones because of work, I get that. I'm happy with just a little bit of one on one time when He has my undivided attention and I His. Quick messages in between are a great comfort, just to know that He's thinking about me. I message Him too, but tend to get long-winded, so I try (try being the operative word here) to limit those to short meaningful texts He can read in a moment's notice. I think this is something you could talk about with you Dom, or if you're still looking, mention it to those you're considering. I'm glad you mentioned this problem, because I'm in the same boat...I think a lot of us are.

BunnyMuffins​(sub female) • Aug 13, 2019

Thanks to everyone who has commented and offered advice. I am so appreciative of you all taking the time out to help me. I am going to take all the tips and tricks into consideration moving forward! This has been a beautiful and liberating few months since returning to explore submission and I would hate for my guilt and/or schedule to derail my journey of self-discovery. Wishing you all a lovely and productive week!

Re: Prioritizing/Scheduling

NCarraway​(dom male) • Aug 14, 2019

Miss muffins

This can be quite a problem, especially in online relationships where the two parties are not so aware of each other's schedules. In the early part of a relationship finding out about what time he leaves work on a Wednesday or you telling him about your crochet-a-gun club on Sunday afternoon seems trivial to talk about and so it often falls off the radar. I'd say its really important though for you both to understand your respective schedules, a few slip ups and, for quite innocent reasons, you might find yourself not talking in any meaningful way for a few days. This can lead to a cooling off of the intensity and desire, a cooling off in the dynamic.

I, like many others who have commented here, think that its very important that you put yourself first. After all, if you don't look after yourself, you will not be looking after his girl. A bright, perky, healthy girl is often the best tonic a D type could wish for, so be that for him (I assume him, please forgive me if i am in error) by looking after yourself first. There is no shame in holding up your hand and saying 'its all getting on top of me at the moment, I need to take a few days to get some things straight'. I myself have taken 'time-outs' or 'Dom-holidays' when i needed to decompress or when other matters in life were taking over. Life happens and if you want to make this lifestyle work for you then you have find a way to function within it.

My practical tips are as follows:

1. Communicate that you see schedules/ time spent together as a worry for you. Communicate that you'd like to find ways to spend more effective time together.

2. Share schedules. I want to know what my girl is up to during the week so that i am aware of her stresses and needs. Similarly I want her to be aware of what I have going on so she can be supportive. These days sharing of online diaries can be fairly straightforward if you are in a position of trust. If you are not at that point then it might be a case of either reviewing the week ahead on, say, a Sunday, or perhaps setting up a joint gmail calendar.

3. When you share schedules and talk about those schedules you can be creative about finding times to spend 1 on 1 together. It could be a lunchtime telephone conversation or arranging your commutes to coincide. Don't feel that you are losing the romance by planning things. Be practical. Remember you are doing this for yourself, be creative. I remember a time when my girl figured out a way that we could voice by coinciding our commutes. It made me feel great that she was so proactive about it.

4. My last tip overlaps a little with 3.... My own method uses a daily review time where we both commit to spending time together 1 on 1 at a specified time. For me that is 10.30 pm at night. Personally, i use that to review the day, talk about what is working well, talk about what is not working well, talk about tomorrow and really anything that we'd like to talk about. The point though is not what you talk about, its the fact that you connect. Its a time to be in each other's presence, to re-centre to each other and to the dynamic. I think the key thing for me is to agree on the commitment to doing that. Of course life sometimes happens and things get in the way, but if you make it a habit, it works well for you. That way you can have a highly busy day and still be absolutely sure that you will get your Dom's attention at the end.

Hope those help a little, Carraway.

Emapthy

CherryC​(sub female) • Aug 16, 2019

I empathize with you on this. I also work long hours and i personal train on top of that twice a day, all week. I don’t know if I’m lucky or if it’s just common respect practices but when I start to get overwhelmed or fall behind some of my responsibilities, I ask my Dom if I can have a couple days to you know, do just my life. He not only agrees but he enforces it. If I asked for Wednesday Thursday, he agrees and then no matter how hard I beg thag I changed my mind... I don’t get him on Wednesday Thursday. He sticks to it and makes me stick to it. We don’t live together so I’m sure that helps.

Bella duPuy​(sub female){Not lookin} • Aug 19, 2019

@BunnyMuffins (sub female)

The only way i can keep anything straight and my appointments is to keep a calendar.

It can be as small as a pocket-size, an agenda, or the multi-month project planner type of calendar (i advocate for the latter if there are children (with their own busy schedules) in your life).

That is the only way i am able to keep everything straight and on point. i have a tendency to get overwhelmed and withdraw waaaaayyyy deep into my head if i allow myself to feel this way. Keeping a calendar eases the tension and enables me to see my progress, and maintain a decent amount of time management so that i feel accomplished everyday.

i hope this helps.

Be well.

~ bella ~

Re: Prioritizing/Scheduling

MstrSol​(dom male) • Aug 19, 2019

Excellent point. The key is being completely focused and present when you are with your partner. Most people try to do too much. It is better to do fewer things well.

A corollary is that while you should make fewer commitments, you should try to never break commitments once you make them. If you fail because of circumstances beyond your control, then acknowledge it and apologize sincerely.