MissBonnie(dom female){oz}
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5 years ago •
Oct 17, 2019
Re: Advice? ShyDawn wrote: snip.... We have tried a few things like fisting, spanking, biting, and anal beads. I want to try more. It's hard me to get him to talk about this kind of topic with me. I know conversation is important but I don't know how to talk about it. snip.
Try keep in mind that if you cant talk about it, it makes sense he cant either. You obviously like or maybe even love your partner. He will feel the same about you. Neither one of you wants to let down the others or bring up something that may be rejected. That's normal and its actually a health FIRST sign that you both take the relationship seriously and both want to take things to a deeper level..if you didn't, you wont care about reactions. A few here have said you need to talk or its a red flag for trouble, they are right you do need to talk. ..talk some more ..and keep on talking for things to work out in a healthy way and continue in a healthy way for ever. Pick a non threatening time to talk. Not before or after sex/play that can seen as threatening. Pick a time when you have time to really talk and connect, not 20 minutes before you need to head to bed for a heavy work day. Try not to have the talk in a place that is sensual to you but a place that is relaxing to both of you. Turn off phones and distractions. Remember to re assure your partner that you do care/love them no matter what the reply. That BDSM is apart of you but it isnt ALL of you. How you just wish to be 100% honest and right now acceptance and to be heard is all you are after..not that they have to follow you down the kinky rabbit hole! ShyDawn wrote: snip.... Omg I don't know where to start. snip.
Woah up there! I know its exciting and you just want him to feel the same. You want to share your new found excitement. One of my best online friends has a saying "How do you eat an Elephant? One bite at a time! Your trying tackle an Elephant in one bite. Slow down grab a pen and paper and try list what is REALLY important to you, right now. There is no reason you need to tackle everything at once. Break it up into parts and bites. You have the rest of life with your partner. That doesn't mean you put things off but it does mean you can make the situation less over whelming for you BOTH. you mentioned hes not used these types of discussions then don't try shove an elephant down his throat 
Take it slow and I'm sure you'll find some wonderful things he does want to share with you. Keep us all posted on how it turns out |
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Online now
ShyDawn(sub female){Taken}
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5 years ago •
Oct 17, 2019
I asked him to at least take the bdsmtest and go through the yes-no-maybe list for right now. He only took the test so far. He won't let me see the results but he told me top is Sadist and the third is Dom. He seemed happy or to enjoy not letting me see the results even though I really wanted to.
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MissBonnie(dom female){oz}
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5 years ago •
Oct 20, 2019
At least it's a start and it opened up some conversation....let's hope the conversation continues 🙂
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MasterBear(other butch)
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5 years ago •
Oct 20, 2019
Be careful about making excuses for lack of conversation.
He may have grown up differently, but he is an adult now. Playing adult games. Him not showing you his results is concerming to me. At this point the questions for you get harder. If this person is your fiancee Are you prepared to have a marriage without communication? If he isnt willing to get involved in the local community. You need to. If he isnt willing to get a mentor- you need to seek one out for you. Him not willing to talk directly relates to how safe he is as a player and a partner. Which is to say, he isnt. Be careful about continuing to have a power exchange relationship with him. Not talking equals not safe. There are to many serious potentially long term consequences that can result from BDSM gone wrong. Seriously evaluate what you want and need before moving forward. |
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