Online training? Seriously?

Greendrogan​(sub male) • Mar 24, 2020

The following is copied directly from the website that lead me here in the first place. Looking back on things, all the encounters I had contained all the red flags listed in this article. I'm not saying that there may not be a few willing to offer advice but be very, very wearying when they start asking for money or even demanding it as a sign of your commitment. Would you send me money just because I asked you to for something I have not provided yet??


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Being asked for money – Do not wire any money to someone you’ve only met online. There are Mistresses and even Doms out there who demand or request money without ever intending to meet you or to provide you with any service. They often call it a “contract fee” or a “commitment fee”. These are scams. There is no way of getting your money back after you send it (whether you pay by credit card or you deposit money into their personal account). If you want to book a BDSM session with a prodomme in Her dungeon, that’s a different story. Although, we do suggest you pay in person and, unless you’ve had dealings with the prodomme before and you’ve built some trust, only pay for one session at a time.

A good example….

Recently a slave wrote to us asking whether he was liable to pay Mistress’s “contract termination fee”, as She called it. The slave had met Mistress online (never in person). She had required an upfront payment (few thousand dollars) to enter into a Contract which She had sent to slave by email. Under the Contract, they were meant to meet in person for several sessions. The slave signed Her contract and sent the money. After She received payment, Mistress reneged on Her promise to meet the slave and also never signed the Contract Herself. A few months later, this Mistress proceeded to tell slave that he must pay another sum of money in order to be set free from the Contract he signed. Of course, he did not owe ANY obligations to this so-called Mistress. However, she had manipulated him to the stage where he felt unsure.

The moral of the story? If someone (even a prodomme) asks you for money or gift cards before meeting you in person, don’t fall for it. It’s sure to be a scam and you’ll most likely never see your money again, not even if they say it’s “refundable”. Who are you going to complain to if they decide not to refund your money? As for BDSM dating, last time I checked, dating someone is still free, so anybody wanting money to be your online Mistress/Master, that’s a scam!

Aside from asking you for money to enter into some form of contract or relationship, scammers like to play on your sympathy. They’ll tell you they need your help for an emergency or they need money for their sick relatives or even needing money to come and see you. Don’t send them any money please.

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Just because you have the capability to, doesn't mean others

The original Her​(switch female) • Mar 24, 2020

I totally agree, which is something I never thought I'd want to say with someone on here, but the covid-19 crisis is changing things. We should all be staying inside, stopping out normal flow of daily activities, because I'm rather goddamn sick of feeling like a kindergartner who's losing recess time because 1-2 kids are being assholes to the teacher.

On top of that, maybe it doesn't work for you, and you prefer the hands-on approach. Great, that's amazing, here's your gold star. I guarantee that you aren't able to talk for the people that can't leave their house or bed for whatever reason, be it injury, sickness, or mental/emotional capabilities. The people who can't go into public or big crowds, for those reasons. For fuck's sake, I know someone who *only* did online BDSM for a while because her anxiety attacks would be so debilitating that she couldn't meet up with others.

Maybe it's just me, but it feels like we've normalized maledom being online more than femdom. Yeah, insults have been launched about all the shitty pay-for-play "doms" that I see, but nothing as big as what you all seem to be complaining about. I do agree that there's always going to be people who take advantage of a certain situation, but if you use those people to show what the rest of them "are", or at least seem like, we'd see nothing but negativity, constantly. That's not a healthy, supportive, respectful, and critical view of the world and the many professions under the sun.

I really just would like you to imagine what it would be like if someone attacked your bdsm activities or rituals because they didn't work for them. Okay, so maybe they have. Amazing. It doesn't mean you should continue the cycle of violence and continue going at others. This is an opportunity to learn more about it, see why you don't like it, and open your mind to more. Some people like ddlg, some people like watersports, some people like anal, some people like medical play, some people like online BDSM. That's what makes our community so diverse and well-spread. We should celebrate the people who can't or don't want to for whatever reason join the in-person festivities, instead of shunning them or ridiculing.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Mar 24, 2020

Not at all. I'm referring here to the predatory types who claim that they are the be all and end all and offer no real hands-on interaction at all. Basically, and we've all seen them: the WANNAbees or worse TRYTObees.



Good for you. But to assume I don't get it or don't understand it is a bit of a reach.



No argument there.
Stay safe out there. This too shall pass.

The original Her​(switch female) • Mar 24, 2020

I hate to butt in, but you actually never referred to them, at all. It seems like there was a lack in communication on both parties. Maybe next time, you can state that you're against those types.

It still is highly juvenile to bash on someone's type of play, when it just in fact isn't your cup of tea. You did not state or explain much behind your answer, and left a lot to interpretation, when it had the chance to sound rude to people on this site.

Best wishes, and stay safe.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Mar 24, 2020

missmaji, et al

You are not butting in. This is a conversation, and I welcome your input. 'Twould be a sad day indeed, if the conversations died out.
If you were offended by the piece, understand that was your choice. But, you missed the humor which was also intended.

My point is that one can learn a lot more about submission by doing acts of service to the community in general, (such as reading to children in a hospital *) -- if, indeed, submission, and not online-play is the object. You will notice that I mentioned only lifestyle, not play in the piece; therefore no disrespect or rudeness on my part was ever intended towards that.

* Not that I recommend this, per se, right now under the current circumstances

In general, I don't live my life walking on eggshells fearing that somehow, someway, someday, I'll offend someone. That only leads to psychosis, and I reject it utterly. The phrase, "I take offense to _____" implies a choice on the part of the person who feels offended. It's far better to ask what was intended than to assume offense was. I'm not politically correct, and I don't apologize for that.

I wish you well

The original Her​(switch female) • Mar 24, 2020

Oh, yes, the humor. You should be a comedian.

You don't need to walk on eggshells, but I'm half your age, and I've already found out that getting through life successfully requires some level of politeness. I'm not asking you to be politically correct, but in such a diverse and different community, you should at least pay homage to the people before and after you. Respect builds foundations, and you won't get any if you don't give any.

trainerforsubs • Mar 24, 2020

Offers by online dominants and submissives are not uncommon on the Cage and other sites. Right now the opportunities to start a new relationship are few and far between. There are no places to meet in public. Travel is problematic.
Even in normal times it takes a certain amount of "freedom" to submit. There are many submissive men and women in vanilla marriages who can't leave for a number of reasons such as children, finances etc. Online is their only choice. Sure they cannot be tied up and caned, all holes used etc. but a lot can be done. In a sense a woman has to be more obedient to spank own ass than to bend over a chair and hold still. Submission is in the mind. To be sure the pain will be more intense IRL than online. That is the tradeoff. One cannot say that online D/s is "not real". It is just different.

MeisterGerald​(dom male) • Mar 24, 2020

Focus, people. Goalposts are shifting.

Original statement:

"Online training? Seriously?
Every once in a while I see someone wanting to be trained online, or worse someone offering online training for submission.

Seriously? This life style is far too dynamic, complex and rewarding for such a thing to have any merit whatsoever. Yes, you could waste your time taking part in such "activities", but by definition it will be shallow, lacking any sort of meaning. "

Online training discussion sidetracked by humorous response, then points re: findomme scammers, response broadened issue to a defense of all online interaction, retort shifted to "no true Dom" fallacy, now scraping the edges of civility with ad hominum attacks and the dreaded "politically correct" flag thrown.

Two long whistles. Reset.

Statement 1:

Meaningful communication and emotional bonds form the core of a BDSM relationship. This communication can take many forms over many mediums.

Statement 2:

Sexual play simply for the sake of sexual titillation and release does not create the deep bond mentioned above, and will fail to do so without meaningful communication between partners regardless of the method of sexual play.

Discuss.

Game on.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Mar 24, 2020

I addressed your post, and your attitude. You don’t like it, no surprise. Your approach, your model has its adherents and worshippers but your view is not the only way. Therefore your views are not universal truths. Rather than address them you seek to deflect by again forcing your views as a universal truth and you fail to grasp that online training, online play, online dynamics have all the nuance, and complexity you believe they don’t have. Your views are narrow and fail to grasp, maybe can’t that what you say online hasn’t it infact can and often does have.

MeisterGerald​(dom male) • Mar 24, 2020

I don't think this response was intended for me. I'm assuming you meant this for Skyrich. Once again, more focus, less ad hominum.