Is it hard for some to connect this way(online)?

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jun 28, 2020

Some wonderfully thoughtful responses, i particularly appreciated:

@LaVieEnRose "sometimes just liking the profile of someone who likes yours is enough of an opening for a conversation to start or even just finding something in their profile that catches your eye is enough to send a message and say hi I came across your profile and found xyz interesting. "

i think this is an important observation. It can be easy in a world with predators, or even just generally inconsiderate people, to fall into defense mode (or even offense mode). Relationship is risky. Connecting to another person requires vulnerability, openness. i believe the more open we are, the greater the potential for connection.

i think it's also easy to forget that the person making the initial contact has to wrestle with the challenge of vulnerability too. i don't advocate wearing ones heart on the proverbial sleeve, but even measured vulnerability has risk. The initiator can also be the first to take that risk (of rejection), so their defenses may be up too. It sometimes feels like the schoolyard crush where the kid with the crush walks up and hits the one they like because they don't know how to tell them, or are afraid to tell them, their feelings.

i sometimes wonder if some of those who make an awkward approach are not just afraid or maybe don't know how (or both)? i recently found a note in my mailbox at work from a person i don't really know, but who has apparently has seen me, stating: "if you'd like to get a cup of coffee or go on a hike sometime here's my number xxx-xxxxx." It struck me how carefully it was worded, putting the onus on me. This person didn't ask me out, they essentially asked me to ask them out lol (which i thought was pretty clever on their part).

my point is, our fear and self protection is not just one sided, chances are the other person feels it too. To me it usually comes down to a question of who is bravest and willing to go first (i.e., open up), and it's not always the initiator. The person who 'likes' a profile as a means to try to get attention has really not taken any risk.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Jun 28, 2020

It can be depending on where you are at personally.....
As Rich said in his response, neither of us came here "looking" for the other. We just ended up running into eachother through a very specific set of circumstances. I am not one to ascribe to the "randomness" of life because if just one major event in either his life or mine hadn't taken place, there is no way we would have met and started talking here.
If you come into this with a pre-determined set of expectations, you may end up missing out on the one who may be right for you. Simply put, it may come from a direction you least expect. Yes, this can be difficult, but only as difficult as you make it.

juststeve​(sub male){Mydelilah} • Jun 28, 2020

This is an excellent topic. As someone who is new to BDSM but had always been interested, I made the leap very fast with someone and was very hurt and disappointed. It ended badly and I was very weary about exploring my interest for BDSM. Fortunately for me, I contacted a few members here and got some very sage advice so I just remained patient hoping to meet someone either local or online. As fate would have it, I contacted someone because I loved their profile and it appealed to me even though she is on a different continent than I am. She was interested in online at first but moving to in person. After many messages, we became very connected. She is very caring and attentive. Many qualities that I was looking for and now I had found them in someone on a different continent. The more we spoke, the more connected we could feel us becoming. And now, she is my Dom and I could not be happier. We video call all the time and we are so connected personally, we are making the distance thing work. I could not be more happy and it was by sheer fate (I believe) that we met.

A very lucky man!!!!

ADIDAS • Jun 29, 2020

Hi Ms.BabyTgirl​(sub female),
Instead of repeating everything others have said, I'll just say I agree with all of them, especially Ms.LaVieEnRose​(sub female).
Having said that, I am one who feels that as long as I have been a member here, I've learned that I can have a very REAL, effective, meaningful online relationship and do have one right now with another member of this site. We've been together for 2 years and we're very close! However we're not at all interested in sharing our relationship here in the Cage. We've seen too many times how so many people think it's their duty to interfere with other people's relationships if those people are both Cage members. Often times that interference ends up causing so much trouble that the relationship ends. I feel that's terrible on the part of the meddlesome interlopers. For a " judgement free, no kink shaming, be/do you kind of site, there's a lot of judges sitting in their robes just trolling the pages of this site looking for reasons to blast their judgements from their self appointed pedestals. You know who you are, so do I for that matter. I'm not worried about your judgment however, I just don't want to deal with it. I'm beyond that in this time of my life. I just don't care what you think, it's that simple.

So back to the bliss that is online relationships. The best way to avoid scammers is, after talking with them for a period of time that you feel like you want to go further, start talking on face time or on a similar app. This way you can see facial expressions, and all those little nuances we don't see with text. Also talk on the phone. Much more personal that way. A voice connection can be much more..... personal, seductive, sexy.... over the phone is how we play/have sessions.
When it comes to weeding out the Doms who get to the point of talking on the phone, use the saying my mother taught me..... when it comes to men, it's like buying shoes, you don't try on the entire store full of shoes, you just try on the ones you are thinking about buying.... think about it....... 😉😊