The Approach - able Question

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jul 7, 2020

Love this discussion.

i do not think the onus should be on one side or the other to make the approach. Approaching can be hard, it always carries the risk of rejection, and if one is considering how to connect with someone in the first place, rejection is a factor. It's vulnerable and takes courage to approach someone and reveal interest.
Having said that, the non-approach approach has almost become an art form. i recently found a note in my work mailbox from someone i don't know saying: "If you ever want to go for a hike, have coffee, go for a bike ride, give me a text/call xxx-xxx-xxxx." At first, i thought she was pretty brave, but after thinking about it, realized she really was asking me to ask her out lol. Instead of wording it "hey, i'd like to go for a hike, have coffee or go for a bike ride with you," she put it in a way where i'd have to ask her out. i quipped to one of my fellow nurses standing nearby: "she probably doesn't realize i'm gay." To which she responded in surprise: "you're gay?" [laughing] Yeah, she probably doesn't realize it.

Since being here, i've been approached by, and made friends with, several women. i've had one (Dom) guy approach me who identifies in his profile that he is interested in guys. I feel some guilt towards Him, that i was too careful with Him. i was new to being involved here, and have experienced to lots of insta doms in other communities, so i come with that caution. Re-readinng our exchange, maybe i shouldn't feel guilty?

He said he liked one of my pictures. i thanked him and told him i was glad he liked it.
Then asked: "how is your search going?"
i answered: "i've only been a member a few days and my "search" is more comprised of being here and participating. Putting myself out there, as it were, and interacting with others. The other side of that has been reading profiles and personal ads, which more often than not, the "how" of that is very frustrating. i should be accustomed, when online, to empty profiles and ads from guys who either do not want to self disclose, or do not know how, but i guess i am not. On the other hand, there is a great core group of people surfacing here, the only one to contact me showing interest so far has been a woman. Eek. lol."
i was trying to send a subtle message to him that i was looking for some substance, something more than few word sentences. (His profile consisted of one of those D/s test results and a quote from what seemed like a story, but little to nothing directly about him, so i was working blind).
His response: "I have interest."
At this point, i grew weary of what felt to me like i'd have to pull teeth to get anything about him from him, so i responded by putting the ball back in his court with what to me seemed a response in kind: "oh." In retrospect, i wish i'd responded "okay." It was a sort of test to see how interested he was, he didn't respond.

This person may be a deep thinker and a man of substance, idk because he didn't feel "approachable" to me. my feeling, from the exchange above was, i made the first effort in the exchange to say something more than a few words, reveal some of myself, and i have a profile that stuff i've written, not copied and pasted content. But he did not respond in kind. That may not have been fair on my part, maybe i didn't have enough patience? The truth is, i have gone down the road with guys so many times where i carry both sides of the conversation, i am now gun shy.

i suspect i'm not the only 'gun shy' person out there though. i've also encountered guys who have been burned as well and are slow to open up as a result.
i don't know if it is ever easy or simple to approach.

Draiocht​(dom male) • Jul 8, 2020

Subtle discussion about kink is not unreasonable. This isn't exactly Christian Mingle!



Maybe I misread that? I totally agree that one should avoid one-word or only-emoji replies unless the participants are very familiar with one another already. I find them to be conversation killers. I don't like feeling as if I need to carry a conversation. They can get pretty heavy sometimes!