Sensitive Bitches

DrWakko • Feb 1, 2021

How someone sets up their dynamic is how they set up their dynamic. It is no ones place to tell them they set it up wrong. It is not wrong for them to set it up differently than how you would set it up.

You can only EARN respect. You can not force someone to respect you because there in an honorific somewhere in your name (name (role gender)).

To quote (badly) the movie Band of Brothers “you salute the man not the rank.”

MasterKit​(sadist female){Hmmm} • Feb 1, 2021

@DrWakko

Very true. Respect is earned. Just because there is a difference in opinion on something doesn't mean it has to be a catalyst toward disrespectful behavior. And that would be on my part. Like one poster said try as we might....we all may not get along. Its just I know this person here and the behavior that was exhibited last night during the ONE dinner/show I was asked to host on a friend's behalf after soooo long was just a fiasco. So while I understand that RESPECT is earned it should also be provided freely...especially when you're in the company of others you don't normally socialize with. I admit. I did cave and allow my own attitude to cloud my judgement but I could not tolerate it any longer and my guests were looking at me with a "do something or I will" face. I snapped when it was "selfie time." I just regret my actions because I was a bit selfish in removing them BOTH from the scene. My friend (the owner/original host) told me I acted accordingly but I should have really reached out to that person to help and not embarrass them in front of a room full of strangers. So in that regard I was a selfish bitch.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 1, 2021

Well here we go, the old 'I be dom/domme/master, you give me instant, unearned respect' trope.

Well for myself I don't ever give respect blindly to anyone, bar the basic respect being a fellow human being deserves, so no 'super/extra' kink land respect. I don't care what they call themselves, I don't care what titles they have earned, how long they say they have been about in the bdsm scene, I base 'extra' respect on it being earned, and over time. I watch, listen and see who someone is before I respect them over and above basic respect as a fellow human. I have been wrong though, and my 'extra' respect for others has been lost. Scum bags will eventually give themselves away, often quickly, but once in awhile it can take time. For example someone I once respected, sadly, turned out to be a racist, instant demotion to bottom feeder status, and I felt great disappointment, another revealed their actual self to be an abuser. This was a strong reminder to me to not be too quick to think anyone is ok, or say they are ok, and reserve opinion for a long time. In the case of the racist it took over a year for this to appear, the abuser 4 to 5 months. So I don't respect titles, no 'extra' respect, and they won't get me showing any kind of deference before its earned, talking within a 'lifestyle' context here.

Now if I read the question right, I see a situation where a dom/domme/master, whatever, approaches a sub/slave in a dynamic relationship etc, and well I guess, offers them some sort of play request, or is maybe pushy in someway, or its a cock picture, or very vile sexual suggestions etc and they, the sub react strongly, and by doing so are not showing any deference to the approachers so called status, basically they tell the person to sling their hook. So I am imaging said person approaches the subs 'whoever' and complains, and is expecting said 'whoever' to censure the sub for being rude and disrespectful to said person. Why? Why should they tell their sub/partner off, even to apologise to said person, or even punish them for reacting to said person in the way they did.

There are some very high protocal set ups, communities where such things occur, but I fear that this can and could be abused, and to my mind setting a situation in place where people must be respected in such away and subs can't react to shitty behaviour, words, consent issues by freely expressing what they feel, and no, go away, is sort of not allowed is a recipe for trouble, and abuse. These types of dynamics/communities are not the norm, rare, and there is outside of these rare instances no one way to do things (except based fully on freely given and reversible consent) and instant respect for a title, imparting some sort of authority, entitlement is also not the norm. I have, once, many years ago at a party encountered this, and was given the, 'your sub was rude to me and disrespected me' line. The person in question was an asshole and abuser. My reaction at the time was to say, 'do you deserve respect and deference? I don't think so'. I was proud of my sub to have stood up to an idiot.

For myself anyone I am in a dynamic with is free to react accordingly to the situation, and if some one enters their inbox, or at a party, event is rude etc they have my blessing to tell said person to fuck away off. I will also tell said person to do so as well if required. And trelling someone to 'fuck off' does not make them not a sub, or submissive, just not a doormat for some idiots delusions or grandeur because they have given themself or been given a title.

The best way to avoid this occurring, is treat people on the site as human beings first, not sex toys, kink providers, actually learn about the lifestyle/bdsm etc (not off porn or awful erotica) and be aware of what's on profiles, what the guidance is regarding approaches etc and don't be a dick. Not being a dick, trying not to be one will always serve anyone well, in kink land and outside it.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Feb 5, 2021

No, but I do know a dom bitch that acts entitled to have her way and refuses to ever listen after they hurt people because they never talk about serious things. So of course they're suicidal on a good day when they're desperate for fun when they pretend a problem will go away by ignoring it.

I don't let it happen. It's how I get results with people at times. I'm not even mad. If anything, I know they dig their own grave. not just with me either. A lot of people are of a similar mind. That they're a hypocrite creating the drama they complain about.

Remember that the next time you complain about drama. Do you yourself create it when you try to avoid it? It honestly never works that way. In the end, things come full circle. If only because you have to look into a mirror and know you're that weak, evasive person that couldn't even handle the truth. Person I'm going on about claimed to value honesty even if it costs them.


Actually, you can. Provided you stick to certain patterns. But some people are sure as hell going to be difficult when they're consumed by that much fear and mistrust. I always get results. You have yet too. Maybe you will some day. Maybe you won't. But in the end, either you find a way to coexist when a situation is that involved, or you suffer. The trick is in reminding people of "Let's focus on making the best of things". Sure, a situation might suck. But after communication and talking, focus on having a good time. The MAIN trick is getting that line of commutation and keeping it open. The rest can be handled after that.

What we can't do is make people listen when they're avoiding that communication. You can however keep talking even when people complain and are being close minded. And if a line of communication is shut down, reminder about a situation lingering when it never worked the first, second third or forth time might help. Seriously, definition of insanity. They bring it on themselves. I refuse to stand for assumptions though. And in clearing up those assumptions, that's when good times happen. Plan B is talking to everyone else in situations like that.

It's funny. Sometimes, the only way to work things out, is to keep making as much noise as you can. They'll talk to you just to put a stop to it if nothing else. The alternative would be suffering in silence. Now, the former might kick up a fuss. But if the end result is good times and being happy together, then it's worth it. Suffering in silence though, nothing good will come from that. If someone hurt you, make damn sure they know about it. Even if it means letting others know first. You're not obligated to "shut up" and "not talk about them". If someone wants your loyalty, they can earn it by being understanding. It's a simple enough trade.

Bunnie • Feb 5, 2021

I think perhaps what may be being confused is the difference between respect and civility. Civility is something that anyone who has any manners, uses in a social situation to be kind and polite to everyone, regardless of their stature. Respect however, like many have stated, is something that comes with time and trust.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Feb 5, 2021

@Bunny: One flaw with your logic. It's the "Social norm" that's the problem. Someone might, for example, jump to the conclusion that there's a "right" way to do things when in reality it causes more harm then good. This can actually lead to misunderstandings. Some online places need a "reality check" so to speak. But so do some real life places, depending.

It's the concept of "escapism". Instead of "facing/confronting". The former means things "linger". The later means you deal with shit sooner rather then later and can then focus on better things properly with concerns addressed.