Length of dynamics

Sir'smisty​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2021

In my experience (which is online, long distance and face-to-face) online has a different time line to RL.

In my experience, online can be a lot more intense, burns hotter and faster and, starts to change after about 3 years.
One Dom used to say that 3 months online equals 2 years RL. I agree, but I suspect this is a YMMV situation.

That said, I know people who have been in an online relationship for 8+ years. Way past the honeymoon phase. I haven't had a relationship online longer than 4 years.

RL, in my experience, moves and burns slower. Life happens. Family, work, responsibilities easily changes the focus.

You already know that the exact time line for each relationship depends on more than just the people involved so I won't go into that.

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2021

All relationships have issues, but if you understand them you can work through them. The problem is most people think that they want different things and break up.
So the stages are:
Euphoria - honeymoon stage
This can last from the time you meet up to 6 months from when you live together.
It is not supposed to last. Everything seems to flow and there are little issues. Many people expect that this is the "real" thing.
Then you get the magical thinking stage, where the feel good hormones start to subside and instead of seeing the reality of similarities and differences we hope it will sort itself out.
Then you get the power struggle stage: where people focus on differences, rather than similarities. And frustrations are projected onto our partners. Everyone has childhood wounds and when we go into a relationship we are hoping that the person we with is going to heal out childhood wounds. You need to go counterintuitive to what your emotions are telling you. When you want to disconnect, connect instead. This is the stage where most disagreements happen.
Then you have the transition stage where you adjust and make behavioral changes. There are a few after this but mostly these are the ones you move in and out of through out your relationship. Then transition stage is when you relook at things after babies are born or, moving house or changing jobs etc. From here it can go back to any of the previous stages or move to the re-romanticizing stage. And in all this it can movefoward to last stage where it is really lasting love. Or move back to power struggles. Knowing how to work throgh these is vital

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2021

And if any one wants to know about the child hood wounds I'm talking about:
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/pse5ga33u1ti4tb/AAAfMKpS5JgGY_6sgrFigqcTa?dl=0

IowaDom​(dom male) • Jun 6, 2021

All so very true, but no Damn breaks instantly. It all starts with a small defect or injury that if allowed to go unchecked, grows into a crack, then into a fissure, and then it's a just matter of time. When I speak of unyielding openness and honest communication, this is what I mean. People seem to prefer to "let sleeping dogs lie", hoping they vanish and go away, and the old saying remains even more true today .. "if you are not growing together, you are growing apart" - there are no other directions.

I am fortunate that deal with the public, usually on an extended level. I get to see the couples that have been together 50 years or more, and you can still both see and feel the love between them. It always gives me great hope for the future ....

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2021

Very true. What I'm talking about helps to catch those cracks early in a relationship, before the dam breaks. And if I reach one person that can take note. It's a good thing..

IowaDom​(dom male) • Jun 6, 2021

It's a VERY good thing! People in the lifestyle, or desiring it, need to remember IMHO that we ALREADY have revealed deep dark secrets just being here in the first place. Don;t hide the rest of you behind the shield of scared of chasing them off, if they run when they learn your past, how can they ever help build your future? Now that does NOT mean, "Hi! how are you? I .... ) and spill it out on hello. But as you get to know each other, share your fears, worries, and insecurities, build that shield together, strengthen it together, and noting will get through a crack nobody noticed.

I mean .. lets face it, we're all somewhat exposed just being here. Can you imagine seeing somebody you like in a Library, getting a couple dates, then saying "Wow, love your eyes, not to mention your ass. By the way, I like to tie women to wooden furniture, paddle their asses, and see how many orgasms they can handle in a row!"

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2021

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣That made me laugh out loud... It could be an interesting concept. I knew someone who I worked with and we wete in sales
His pick up line was: I like you legs but there is something wrong with them. When the woman he was trying to pick up asked: "what?" his answer was they not wrapped around my neck!
When I asked why he does that (after I'd seen him being slapped) his answe was:
Its like anu sales, you might get, No!, slapped, or kicked in the balls but 1/10 women will give you a yes. And it is a lot easier than anything else I've done.

I_am_the_Sea​(sub male){One Day} • Jun 6, 2021

I was married 8 years to my master and dating her 2 years before that.

Covid took her this year...makes me so angry

It can be forever, but nobody can guarantee how long forever is...
I_am_the_Sea

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2021

I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how tough it must be.
I agree life is short and unforseen circumstances can shorten any relationship and we need to cherish the ones we have and whatever we can learn from them is a gift.
I truly hope you can find love again.
Thank you for sharing.

I_am_the_Sea​(sub male){One Day} • Jun 6, 2021

Just to reply to one of your earlier posts...

I guess Master and I were some sort of mutants because We never left the "Euphoria - honeymoon stage". I'm serious. This is not a case of rose coloured glasses. Sure there were things life threw at us hard but we always sought shelter from the storm in each others arms.

Just a FYI, thanks
I_am_the_Sea