Why does it feel like Tinder?

Lil Foxy Baby​(sub female) • Aug 1, 2021

Take your time!! Get to know people. Vet, make sure people are who they say they are. Really get to know people. Make connections. Don't just jump into anything lightly. It takes time to build relationships. Don't let any fake dom try and pressure you. Stay true to yourself.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 1, 2021

Ahem. No, they don't have to do anything. It's their choice.



Some people are going to give advice because of their trust issues. Like "take it slow". I say that's wasting time. Going fast isn't a bad thing in and of itself. Doing it with awareness and assurance with trust is another matter. Which brings me to one conclusion. That anyone giving advice of taking it slow simply sucks at making things happen quicker while keeping things safe. But I digress.

It's a world full of mistrust and fear, It's a world full of the unknown. It's a world full of people without any incentive you have not given them. You don't FIND compatible people. You MAKE them. By giving them a reason to do things with you. Likewise someone needs incentive to do things with you. Do you hesitate and stall? Hold back? Well, why would they want to engage with you?

Knowing how is the trick. You're right, people could ask more. But if they don't ask then do you try to make them aware anyway? Confront. Debate. Challenge a persons logic. How's are you with conflict? Can you face/handle it or do you curl under a rock? I know none of this and won't assume either way. All I know is that people need to be challenged and assured if they're going to engage with you.

The trick is in assurance and awareness. Stating situations as they are while making it a point to please while seeing if another does so back. Last night someone wasn't up for things at first. But then I pointed out I'm up for anything with them. And went with their flow. Then my needs get met. Quickly at that. Why waste time worrying? Proof is in actions. Thing is who's acting first? Are you "waiting" for the other to take action before you do? If so then what example does it set? If person A is going "I want proof" and person B is going "I want proof" then no one is doing anything. Just something to get you thinking.

Getting back to when people don't ask. When people ASSUME then I correct them. If they don't like it and complain I continue to do so. And will do so 1000 times over until it's about the understanding. Some people will flee, others find out and then it leads to fun. Feedback is also an important factor. Can be overlooked easily. If someone is putting things off and dacing around things I find simply pointing out "Will that lead to fun" tends to get their ass in gear. If someone is doing that. Aren't going to happen by magic is it?

And if someone doesn't like something then maybe it's because they're ignorant about it. Example: Someone could say they don't like X kink. But I get people to like that kink anyway. bit of doing things their way here. Bit of working in there (being "smooth" can be an art. Depends how playful/posative the other person is) and good to go.

The issue is people tend to operate on what they know. As opposed to what they don't. Maybe people don't ask, but do you explore outside of your own comfort zone alone? The trick is in exploring each others. Make sure you get what you want/need. Make sure they do. As for how, that boils down to challenging people when they assume. Maybe even making it clear you feel hurt if a topic is shut down. Sometimes you can even do that with actions and say nothing, and then find out your need gets met after making it about someone.

Is any of this ever certain? No. Is it always a risk? Yes. Is it worth it? When it pays off. How do you find out? By always trying. Sometimes people are too used with what they know that they forget to ask. The question is "Will they listen?" Sometimes they might not show they do. But sometimes they surprise you. Sometimes you have to be the one bringing a topic up 1000 times over to make it clear it's important. Just make sure you talk about their interests while doing it. Sometimes it can take a solid week of talking things out before doing things.

Then I point out "The proof is in the actions". Can talk all year and still not take action. May as well do it sooner rather then later. So do things. Feedback. It might have sucked. You might think "not compatible". FEEDBACK! At this point right here, instead of giving up focus on feedback. Improve on what is done. Feedback. Does it get more fun? Feedback.

So in short, talk people into doing things. Challenge their logic even if not asked. And do feedback. At least then you tried.