Struggling to settle into being a dom

Domanitic • Aug 14, 2021

Thanks everyone, I've been looking through those resources and they are very helpful.

Also thank you VelvetGlove, that was a very grounding post and one which I'll come back to.

Thank you all.

Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott} • Aug 14, 2021

Hi Domanitic,

I thought I’d reply as I’m in a somewhat similar situation to you and one thing that many people miss is the huge difference in an existing long term relationship growing into BDSM, compared to two individuals who like BDSM forming a relationship.

My submissive and I have been together for 15 years. We are less than 12 months into really opening up into BDSM.

What we have found is that the emotional side has fallen into place and deepened more quickly than the physical play sessions.

From your original post, I would agree with what others have said - it seems like you’ve found some of the wrong reading material - that focuses on details of a specific scenes - rather than the beautiful experience of how she sinks into you - watching the emotional change and how her body physically reacts differently to your touch, voice and look.

I hope that this is of some help to you.

Good luck with the journey.

Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott} • Aug 15, 2021

Hello again Domanitic,

After writing my previous post, my brain just kept going. In an attempt to avoid writing an essay, I’m going to list out some concepts and terms that I think are worthwhile checking.

Also, should you wish, I’m happy for you to message and ask if you have questions.

Are you aware of:

The difference between Topping and Domination.

Sub-Drop - and also Sub-Frenzy?

There is also Dom-Drop and Dom-Frenzy

Do you have a safeword with your partner?

Do you know that, if they’re deep in a session, they are quite possibly unable to actually use it - at this stage it’s on you to keep an eye on them and make the call to stop if they need.

Being a Dom is hard work, running a scene is also hard work. Don’t feel bad if (as you’re starting) you find that you’re not getting aroused during the scene - this will be because you’re focused so hard on what you’re doing that you don’t have capacity - this will change in time. Initially (using impact as an example) you’re going to be so focused on, where am I hitting next, how hard, how pink is the skin looking, so I need to speed up, slow down, softer, harder and all the things….

Don’t be afraid to laugh - things will sometimes go wrong, one of you will say or do something that’s just funny!

Most of all, make sure you enjoy the journey.

Have fun,