How to be a expert in 30 days or less

Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott} • Sep 4, 2021

I assume (always a risk) that the question from Sir Don is actually rhetorical.

However, here’s my opinion.

Expert (noun) - a person who is very knowledgeable about or skilful in a particular area.

It’s interesting that (according to the definition) knowledgeable or skilful qualifies. So, you could potentially argue that you have accumulated a large amount of knowledge in 30 days. However, really it would be very challenging to reach the level of expert in that time.

What someone did refer to earlier is the four stages of competence. This is an interesting path to look at as the stages are:

1 - Unconscious Incompetence (You don’t know that you don’t know)

2 - Conscious Incompetence (You now know that you don’t know)

3 - Conscious Competence (You now know that you know)

4 - Unconscious Competence (You now know without thinking about it)

Unfortunately many people never make it out of step one - in that they are not open enough to learning and growth to realise that they really don’t know the subject and need to learn and practice.

As always - just my opinion and thoughts - doesn’t mean it’s any more right than anyone else.

Valore • Sep 4, 2021

When you discover that you truly know nothing, that is when you have learned a lot and will be capable of learning so much more.

Just like in daily life, we are always learning and processing. There is no such thing as "all knowing" but one can say they have experienced a lot.

There is no true clear shortcut... because time itself peels away like layers of an onion or garlic.

As long as you are open minded towards learning, then you will discover much.

There is absolutely no shame in not knowing something.... in fact the process of learning or being taught something from the ground up in a way that is specialized towards that someone special...can be exhilarating. Some actually prefer that instead of having someone who already thinks they know something. Kind of like a job. They often want someone who is receptive towards being taught or trained according to their workplace...because then there are no outside interferences.
Of course this can be dangerous if misused, but as others have mentioned, there is no wrong in being in the category of "I'm learning"

aren't we all?
All I could recommend... is be open-minded, motivated, respectful.

Mufasadagreat • Sep 4, 2021

Fake it till you make it😂. Just a joke

Valore • Sep 4, 2021

I really like this. If understood and applied within the vast stretches it can reach or be applicable to.... then one can decipher quite a lot with just the 4 stages u have mentioned. being introspective and self reflective...remembering to think "well what if this applies to me?" and thinking of when you may have been like this... without a right or wrong applied to it at all.... some people will stop considering things, because they will feel as if they are put in the spotlight or that they do not wish to acknowledge they were wrong... to deny it... is to therefore deny themselves and/or their potential in reaching a higher level of thought....

Anyway, Thank you for this. Do you mind if i save it in my journal for further contemplation?

Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott} • Sep 4, 2021

To Valore:

“Do you mind if i save it in my journal for further contemplation?”

I certainly don’t mind - I chose to post it publicly - so it’s now out there….

SageFlame​(sub female) • Sep 4, 2021

Springboarding here. . .

* Referenced earlier:

1 - Unconscious Incompetence (You don’t know that you don’t know)

2 - Conscious Incompetence (You now know that you don’t know)

3 - Conscious Competence (You now know that you know)

4 - Unconscious Competence (You now know without thinking about it)

* end reference

Then there is the *topic of which the above is applied; also the scope or focus.

Example:
Like a master gardener. If one acquires the skills to being referred to as a master gardener does that make them an expert? Lets say this person acquired their mastery in Florida and it is second nature to them. Then you asked them to teach in the arid climate of California how much of an expert are they now? They would have to relearn many skills based on the changes of climate, soil, pests, and more.

It would seem the term expert is a relative term. Relative to a moment in time. When dealing with people ( as this lifestyle capitalizes on) the variables are constant because each person comes with their own history, perceptions and biology. Based on this I'd even say that we need to be expert at adaptation before the label can be applied.


For the word nerds out there:

Expert ( adjective) having had experience ; skillful. Tested.

Expert ( noun) person wise through experiences.

I wonder how much popular opinion weighs in on whether someone is an expert.

Is there such a thing as a kinkspert?

Bunnie • Sep 4, 2021

“Is there such a thing as a kinkspert?”

@ SageFlame,

I believe there can definitely be those who I would consider to be “kinkspert’s,” or at least damn close (although out of respect, I would probably more aptly call them BDSM practitioners). Those who have dedicated a lifetime to learning and putting into practice living this way. Jay Wiseman is a perfect example of someone that comes to mind in regards to this.

(Not suggesting that this is what you were implying with this question), however it is this very type of question that in all honesty, is what I consider to be a part of the problem. Stepping away from “tradition” and “finding our own way” only works effectively if we have a solid foundation of knowledge to work with in the first place… otherwise it’s simply the “blind” leading the “blind.”

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Sep 5, 2021

I remember back sometime when my sister gushed at me about this guy she was talking to online. He apparently had a massive vocabulary and was very smart. She confessed that she kept a dictionary nearby just to look up some of the words he used. "He was THAT smart," she said.

I didn't agree."Smart people", I told her, "are the ones who can talk to anyone of any intelligence level and not make them feel less or like they need a dictionary to keep up."

So too do I find it true with experience. experience isn't two classes of Karate and running around hand chopping everything you see. It's knowing that hand chopping does in fact hurt you and break the other, and choosing wisely how and when you use that skill.

The Internet has produced a lot of 2-class wonders. And as the speed of information transfer increases that will only get worse.
We, however, who know better don't have to let them chop on us. That is what our experience should have taught us.

H*

SageFlame​(sub female) • Sep 5, 2021

". . . it is this very type of question that in all honesty, is what I consider to be a part of the problem. Stepping away from “tradition” and “finding our own way” only works effectively if we have a solid foundation of knowledge to work with in the first place… otherwise it’s simply the “blind” leading the “blind.”

@ Bunny

Hi Bunny!

I try to explain my point of view but that doesn't mean it is clear. I see things in pictures and explain them by drawing. I can't do that if I am using only words!

So, here I go...It is my nature to question; even my own perception. If the sky is purple but the sun is not I want to know why. If someone is a fallible human and calls themselves an expert I don't take it at face value. You could also say it is a yellow flag for me when there is talk of someone being superior to another person. (Not at all implying that is what your talking about but am referencing the term
*expert.)

As for Jay Wiseman ( I am familiar with his work) , he doesn't take himself too seriously. He has a sense of humor, and always open to learning more. His work is of (great) benefit to others. I have concern with those who consider themselves experts and their work may help others but is primarily of benefit to their ego. (ouch, squishing my eyes as I typed that word) Quickly moving on...

Few other things:

1 - So when you say "problem" - assuming you mean "the blind leading the blind". Meaning those who are not experienced or knowledgeable giving advice to someone who isn't experienced. (engaging in the art of BDSM without experience) I'm going to challenge this a little.

When the word *problem comes to mind we might be thinking of a mistake, a wrong, or someone being hurt. How I wish we could all avoid mistakes and getting hurt. How realistic is this? Certainly desirable as no one wants to be hurt and most don't care to hurt others. If we were to take a vote of those who read this thread I would venture to guess we have all made mistakes. Mistakes engaging in BDSM. Even Jay Wiseman. And like Jay, we can learn!

2 - I would very much like to know what is in your mind when you say "tradition". I have some idea but don' t want to presume. Help me understand, please.

I'm not skipping over the fact that safety should be number one. But I don't see how trying to experience BDSM can be done without making mistakes. It is just an aspect of life. In all of life we make mistakes. We have problems. I, for one, would like to think we can work through our problems and grow through learning.

To end, I wanted to share a picture in my head. When you said blind leading the blind I scanned (my brain)for an image. I pictured a toddler who wants to walk helping a toddler learn to walk. At first, I thought this was a good example to support your usage of the phrase. And then I realized that toddlers learn to walk not by an adult ( expert walker) guiding them. They learn to walk by exploring their world. They crawl, then stand and fall many times. They learn to walk by finding their own way. But they do see examples and emulate. So this would speak to not polarizing idea of how to engage in BDSM. Instead, to seek knowledge but also trust yourself in that you will learn. Be cautious, yes! But also go after what you want and know you can work through the problems that will inevitably occur.


( see look - I wrote a book and I am not an expert Sorry couldn't resist.

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 5, 2021

I skimmed through both pages because the posts all seem to echo the same sentiment, so if this is a repeat of something said/asked earlier, just skip this whole post.

-----------

Here goes: Upon re-reading the original post it occurred to me that the "headline" is likely tongue-in-cheek, and the body of the first message notes that he has "seen" many people come in here from various other sites and experiences sounding like experts and he wondered "aloud" how did they get to be "experts" so quickly.

After a bit of thought I now see the original post, in its entirety, as a zinger at the various BDSM creatures who wander in here and sound off like they know everything.

Some might-- in a specific area of this shit, but BDSM is so multi-faceted in how people craft their own experiences that none will ever be an expert.

Legends in their own minds perhaps but there are no omniscient freaks walking on this planet anyway.