POLY??? How does it work?

DrWakko • Oct 26, 2021

I think when it comes to poly there are two major rules you have to follow.

1. 100% communication and honesty with ALL members of your poly group.
2. Its ok to be jealous.

Rule 1 should be in acted all the time and it will happen that rule 2 happens. When you find yourself at rule two you use rule 1 to bring it all back in line.

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 26, 2021

Not my area or thing at all but I can't help myself...

Add an "L" and you got a bird that wants a cracker.. Saltines usually preferred but even parrots need to watch that sodium intake.

Thud.

Now back to the regularly scheduled programming.....

SSG{ENM-TLP} • Oct 26, 2021

In my own experience, I believe it would be a lot easier for someone who is single and open to ENM to meet someone else who is the same and then they respect one another's future partners.

For me (married and ENM), it is the recognition that though we like to feel owned at times, we are all individuals and no one owns us. I see my husband as an individual who has different interests and appetites and I appreciate anyone who contributes positively to his life.

The pitfalls for me were pandemic influenced. I wasnt dating because I had lost my Daddy and that was just as they were shutting everything down (plus emotionally I was recovering from that loss). My husband was seeing his submissive several times a week. There was no jealousy but there was frustration that I couldn't get out.

Plus, living in the bible belt, finding other ENM people locally has proven to be more of a challenge. I find most men who will date a married woman (albeit ENM) are cheating in a monogamous relationship of their own. I don't date obligated monogamous people anymore. And men who are single in this area want to have one woman to themselves and well that won't work for me whether I am married or not.

Then add to that the "give an inch take a mile" principle and my husband's overnight visits from his submissive in my home went from overnight to 3.5 days a week. Every week. I never wanted a kitchen table poly in my home, and it was definitely not what we had but it just felt like I had become a stranger in my own home. So boundaries are important and should be revisited to be sure they are being respected.

Another pitfall for people who are starting ENM from an existing relationship is when behavior changes and it usually does. Some people act differently according to who they are around. Maybe the new relationship magnifies something the existing one didnt and you dont like the person your partner has become or at least who they are with someone else. It takes time to mentally process that and celebrate your partners individuality. If the partner stops taking on responsibilities, well...there is another boundary issue.

It is hard taking on a new ENM lifestyle with an existing relationship, but if everyone is new, it is accepting the idea that you can date who you want to date as long as you are honest with all of your partners. Enjoy your life and let them enjoy theirs. And then enjoy each other also.

It can be absolute liberty, but it can just as easily be total hell of that openness isn't offered fairly.

Forgive my typos. I suck at texting.

ObsidianOx​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2021

I seen a lot of beautiful answers in this post, being poly myself that makes me happy. but...

THIS LIFESTYLE IS NOT FOR EVERYONE!

if someone trying to force you into a situation you don't want to be in don't do it for the sake of "love". I have seen some very horrible dynamics and even people leave the lifestyle all together due to poor experiences.

Communicate and be clear on what you are expecting out of your situation. I love being poly and I hope you have an amazing experience!

I'm sharing this not to scare or detour anyone but to better informed. this isn't a directed to OP but if anyone want to see what a bit situation start to look like view this here.

https://thecage.co/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=4196