Poly relationship

I'mME • Sep 6, 2022

That would be a harem, no kidding, that's what I think.
Where would you place Poly then if not under the umbrella of BDSM?
If they do not practice a power exchange but engage in kink?
If they do a power exchange but do not practice kink.
If they do a power exchange and BDSM ?

I have given long thoughts to poly Doms and the practice of a hierarchy when it comes to the subs.

This is my personal opinion, but based on some realness.
If one is speaking about ENM poly, the fact that a new sub is coming into a hierarchy, flies into the idea behind ENM . How they feel shoulr not mean that something is set up in advance to protect the sub, one who is already established in the dynamic. I should be able to sit and participate in negotiations and everything else. Or I'm just a 3rd to their dynamic and my role will always be that unless established from the beginning. So new person can mull things over, and make a educated and informed consent to be there or to leave .

All Thoughts welcome.

Bunnie • Sep 7, 2022

1. Do the subs have ranking in the relationship?
2. Is it ok to feel out of place when meeting other subs?

I am monogamous, however, prefer to be part of a multiple-submissive/slave household… as mentioned above, I tend to call it a harem situation.

My experiences have been with a ranking system. I was identified as a “beta” slave by my former Master, which as I came to learn more about how that role would look in his household, felt very right for me. An Alpha would have her place and her duties and her role within the home, and I as the beta would have mine. It worked well for me because I like having structure to be able to relax and know my place without having to constantly guess. This isn’t a common dynamic style. More common is that all subs/slaves are seen as equals and serve in whatever way is needed, and works… more casual I guess one could say.

I always feel out of place meeting new subs. It’s scary. It’s intimidating. It’s hard to not have all those self-esteem issues or self-worth issues pop their head up at least even momentarily. I’ve also come to learn that it’s perfectly ok. I care. It’s ok to care. It’s ok to worry about getting hurt. It’s natural to want to be special to those we care about. Holding onto those feelings or worries, however, is where it becomes a problem. As others have said, speaking with your Sir about your fears, and owning them, is what I consider to be a healthy way of navigating these kinds of waters. It’s unusual in our society and there is a lot of conditioning that can still lurk long after we have come to accept that we choose to relationship this way. And there will always be mistakes. Forgiving eachother and ourselves our humanness is something I consider to be crucial in this way of life. Something that helps me is not looking at other females as competition, but rather as us coming together as a team to create a family and home together. Working together to build the life we’ve all always dreamed of but didn’t know we could have

MasterBear​(other butch) • Sep 7, 2022

Subs can have rankings depending on the overall structure set out by the D type.


It is absolutely natural to feel whatever you need to feel.

Here is the take away- challenge yourself to be honest with yourself about how you feel.

If you have a D type that tells you how to feel - thats a RED FLAG.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Sep 10, 2022

There is no one twue way to do poly, only the ways that work for, and are agreed to, consented by those involved.

My inclination is towards poly, but I have had previous mono involvements. I have had involvements where others I was involved with had other involvements and some who did not, myself being the only person they were involved with.

I tend towards parallel poly rather than kitchen table poly, but there have also been a few dont ask don’t tell situations in the past, but ultimately I felt uncomfortable with that model, as despite all knowing there were other involvements, just not who, it felt too much like sneaking around.

It is human, to feel uncomfortable, though if that leans heavily in-towards insecurity, anxiety and jealousy the dynamic will over time become toxic and those elements will override the positives. I dont feel jealousy or insecure in the value of what I have to offer, and my worth, so have no issues with others I might be involved with having multiple other involvements, even down to meeting those people, though todate that hasn’t occurred in an in person situation. It may be ultimately you can’t do poly, and if you find the negatives a constant voice, loud, then you may well should not be doing it.

I tend towards a mind set of all involved being of equal value, worth and not a ranked set up, though I think if you through circumstances spend more time with one person, it is ok in that context, if all agree, that that person could be referred to as a primary involvement. In saying that, I am aware that some people might struggle with that word feeling it indicates more worth, or value, particularly if everyone has the same amount of time spent with them.

Poly is a challenge to get right.