Question about Dom limits

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Aug 12, 2022

This is not going to be the most popular answer that you'll get.

As big of a prick as this guy is his jackassery will still exist no matter what you do, you have no control over him, and it is not your responsibility to educate him about No Means No. However your sub may need a refresher. Her telling him "not my daddy" but not telling him to stop and then laughing it off and enjoying their little dance is not telling him No. Yes, that is participating and yes, that is feeding into it.

Also, you telling her she needs to shut it down the first time is not the same as telling her to shut it down immediately. A minor difference perhaps but the latter leaves no room for interpretation.

And there is another, separate issue: As her Dom you don't want your sub to be spoken to that way by another Dom (or any other person) for any reason. He may be joking, or actually trying to be all dommy, or anything in between, but regardless you have told her you don't like it and ideally that would be enough for her to want to stop. Hopefully your relationship is strong enough that you both are more interested in making each other happy than playing grabass with assjackets like that guy. Either it isn't enough for her, or maybe you haven't been clear or direct enough so I would suggest taking a close look at that too.

Sadly there is no shortage of these guys who don't care if subs are already taken; they'll just move in anyway. Even if a sub tells him to go away somehow his ego convinces him that No = reply = an open door = an invitation = continue moving in! That's why I instructed my sub to say nothing and just block any Dom who says anything like that to her. Something to consider.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Aug 12, 2022

I personally don’t believe in imposing rules of the sort that manage or seek to restrict outside dynamic convos. In short any one I am involved with can talk to and friend anyone they like. I trust them and that is good enough for me, secure in what we are doing, agreed to etc. I don’t need restrictions to feel secure.

There are numerous insta people on here, who will jump into an inbox or try and force their bs on people in lobby chat room, me dom you show me respect by using my title. No one has to do any such thing and frankly these idiots who demand respect like this leave themselves open to having the piss taken. It’s impossible to police the ass hats on here, who will try it on, any opportunity they get. You need to trust your person, and if you can’t, if trust is being broken then thats that.

Thing is does your person believe they have to submit to these over bearing alpha, one twue way idiots, you must bow to, submit to, use titles because I say so? I see this regularly on here, and their sycophants will often cheer them on with, thats twue BDSM, twue dom, master respect. This is complete bs, and no one should ever pander to this crap, or feel to fit in they should. Consent must be given for everything and people have the right to say no.

Could it be your person is working on this false basis, understanding of what is BDSM etiquette?

Regarding your main question, yes it is if you have discussed that and agreed to it with your person, if that consent, discussion and agreement isn’t in place then no its not, and no dom can or should try and impose that on you or your person without consent. In saying that, you also have no cast in stone right to impose anything without your persons ongoing enthusiastic consent. In short they, or you can end things at any time.

Limits form the foundation, basis for all dynamics for both main parties and any others who might be involved, these are sacred for all, including you. As part of the discussions consent foundation there will be agreed action if limits are broken. These should be proportional and agreed to before hand.

LordofPain56 • Aug 16, 2022

Well....let me put it this way:
Long ago, I had a thing called a "covenant" in which were stated the "house rules" and "relationship rules".
One of the relationship rules states that flirting with other men is prohibited as well as outright adultery. BTW, this "covenant"
is agreed upon with signature by both parties as proof that both intend to adhere to the rules.
It also states (directly under the house and relationship rules) that transgression of any of these rules shall incur a punishment.
There was an addendum to the covenant that listed type and severity of punishments for each offense. this addendum was also agreed upon with signature.
So, the scenario you stated never would have happened if my girl had been following the rules.
But if she broke the rule.....I swing a mean flogger.