I'm More Than BDSM

lambsone • Oct 15, 2023

Wise advice LordofPain56.

lambsone • Oct 15, 2023

Yes Topeka Dom that's one reason we are here, but some of us are hoping to find a solid, loving, and lasting relationship along with BDSM. I never objected to the BDSM "training", what I objected to was being left alone in between play, when the Dom was interested in a complete relationship. It left me feeling that I could not hold their interest beyond playing with my body. It left me anxious and confused about the relationship. It made me feel ugly physically and personally. I want to be in the person's heart and he in mine. And I don't want to have to have doubts about whether I am. It's more than just BDSM. It's love.

I'mME • Oct 15, 2023

Lambsone,


The doms who treat subs like this know how it makes a sub feel.

Are they telling you up front that this will their routine?

alawey​(sub female)​{(OWNED BY } • Oct 16, 2023

Seeing that I have only seen two subs give their thoughts on want you are saying. I would like to add my two cents to the mix .

I will start by saying that the "kink" is just the cherry on top of the Sunday.. we are humans first and have feelings. And we ( all of us ) should be treated as such.

2. I , personally, don't believe in playing randomly. Call me old fashioned , I'm ok with that. Nor do I personally agree with showing all the naughty bits to everyone over the web. Because of those parts belonged to my future dom, my now forever dom Wulf. .

Sorry I can tend to jump tracks when talking ....

So when a sub starts talking to a Dom. It should be just that talking, getting to know each other as people learn about all things hobbies, dreams ,hopes . And if looking for a relationship not just a dynamic. Please make sure that the other person is looking for and able to have the same. Meaning either single or in a form of an open relationship. And if it's an open relationship make sure that you are ok with that.
I'm gonna stop now . But feel free to message my any time if you have any questions.

lambsone • Oct 16, 2023

No ImMe, they are telling me only that they want to interact online and "see what develops". One was preparing to marry me. The other would dodge my questions of wanting to know where we were at in our relationship just so I could be on the same page. I didn't want to push anything, just wanted clarity to know what I should expect. Hanging in limbo was killing me. I wasn't even sure we had a relationship. I thought I was just being "teained". But I still needed to know what he was thinking. Anyway one was very long distance and the other was within a few hours driving distance for both of us but we had yet to meet in person. Both seemed bored with me unless we were talking or interacting about BDSM. After awhile I just didn't sense any more depth in either relationship so I let them know that we didn't suit and moved on.

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female)​{Claimed } • Oct 16, 2023

For me, I wanted a full spectrum dynamic. Life partner, Owner, Daddy, sadist. Notice that life partner is first because I wanted to share my entire life with him. I’m a mother, grandmother, professional, and those things come first. I found plenty of sadists, and I found plenty who wanted to own me, plenty who matched kinks but they weren’t people I wanted to share my whole life with. So I always started off exploring the kinks with someone early while also evaluating their capacity to be part of my daily life, to know and love me as the woman who I am while also treating me like property in the ways that I need. Finding that person took me 4 years! It was a slog, but well worth the wait.

lambsone • Oct 16, 2023

Thank you alawey, I think that's where I keep going wrong. Playing online too soon. Training too soon. I'm going to stop doing that. If they want more of me, they'll have to wait for it till a solid relationship is defined and in place and we can both trust each other. And not before we have met in person several times either. I'm sure that will put a lot of men off, but maybe it will bring the right one forward in the long run.

lambsone • Oct 16, 2023

Thanks for sharing Sweetlydepraved, that gives me some hope.

SayYesMaam​(dom female) • Oct 16, 2023

Ladies, you have to remember that they are assholes and it does not matter if they are submissive or dominant. Sex or "kink" will always be the most essential part of any relationship in their mind.

lambsone • Oct 16, 2023

I guess the key SayYesMaam is to steer the conversation with these Doms elsewhere as best we can and if they don't take the hint, either block or don't answer them.