Valore
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9 months ago •
Feb 17, 2024
9 months ago •
Feb 17, 2024
There are a lot of replies here and perhaps you've already found an answer.
But... I'd like to give my young 2 cents worth of input and hope it helps in any way.
Some background:
Before I discovered the lifestyle, I grew up thinking that thoughts regarding these things was bad in the first place... and that having any sadistic or generally frowned upon ideas like degrading etc... we're evil and mean, etc.
I began to see myself as almost having 2 personalities or thinking.. what's wrong with me? Why do I think such things!? Is this what having another personality is like or am I just a cruel person by nature!?
I felt out of place and spent a lot of time trying to conceal my thoughts by portraying them as something else, which was of course... not helping and not healthy.
There were times in my life where I was needed by someone but who I was...wasn't what they needed physically. They needed a guy who would treat them well, but they had terrible luck. I did a bad thing and lied about my gender (which I do not recommend to anyone by the way...) and started doing this online thing with them of being there when they were sad..sharing their woes... sharing happy times... doing cute things together and reinforcing their confidence... reminding them to keep looking for someone else because I couldn't date them.
They didn't know who I was and never will... it was difficult being me, but not at the same time... and then getting attached and having to let them go.
Because... I was not who they thought I was and keeping them is wrong. I was only there to ensure their future went well..it was the whole reason I began.
Invested a lot in that.
I also began my lifestyle thinking that I was just a Sub.
How I determined I was a switch, was by asking myself if the things I liked could still be accomplished while being that sub, or if it really was important for me to be the Domme.
Would I enjoy being a dom/domestic for prolonged periods, or was it just something that I could enjoy now and then... was I dom...or sub... what am i... why do I like what I like and how many ways can I apply it?
Ultimately, what way would I be happiest and would want to pursue long term, or am I able to find someone who might be a Dom with these tendencies that compliment mine. I began realizing that I could be a domme or a sub.... and if I like both... WHY NOT BOTH!?
I discovered I lean towards being a sub as I'm more familiar with it and it's what I tend to lean towards more often... I can't be without my sub... but I've discovered I can't be without my dom now either, but which side is more prominent...how many times do I end up subbie compared to dommie... and what are my kinks for both? Would I want a sub?...oh yes yes... would I want a dom.... mmm yeaahh...
Ok.... so both. I'm sure I'll find someone who fits and has a similar but opposite desire... or would be willing to work with me on kinks.
Maybe I'll get a sub that like to dom more... maybe I'll get a dom who has subbie cuteness moments or let's me degrade, humiliate, pet them, whip them.. etc...
Maybe a switch will fit me?
...etcetera.
....
I'd be wasting a lot of space and time explaining more, but in essence...
It seems like u always had these tendencies and could find avenues to fulfill needs wants before as a dom... but they became more prominent when pillars fell down in your life and the idea of a younger one might be from your desire to not have someone u love die before u again.
I could be wrong, but right or wrong... I don't feel they are morally incorrect.
To desire something is not wrong.
How one goes about it, that changes its correctness.
Same as the bdsm lifestyle. Consent is important and discussion. Or else it's just abusive rape etc...
You... are still you. Whole and entire. It's a new discovery of dormant attributes becoming more prominent due to changes in enviroment mentally... (perhaps..I'm not an all knowing overseer) when one thing changes, it effects another... that's life.
You are you irregardless how u change, just like how when u marry, many hope that even if they change as a person... their loved one will walk with them.
This is my perspective.
E(Valore)
P.s. you're not alone.
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