Bunnie
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8 months ago •
Feb 17, 2024
Sometimes the most difficult thing about this journey is acknowledging and accepting the things that pop up that challenge our own perception of “who we are.” We spend so much time and energy fighting against outside influences that are constantly telling us who we “should” be, that I think at times we can become shackled to an idea we have created of who believe ourselves to be. If something doesn’t fit that narrative, it can be scary. Especially as we get older and more “certain” of the narrative.
If life has taught me anything it’s that there are no rules. Only those we create for ourselves. (Not to be taken as saying it’s ok to have no moral compass/cause harm). Unfortunately we more than often create our rules from a place of fear and shame. If we truly gave ourselves permission to grow, we would actually live a lifetime of being “many different people” because we would be fluid and shift and change as time and circumstance influenced. Ultimately (ironically) becoming a much bigger version of “who we are” than we had believed. Maybe this is a new aspect of your self rearing its head, for whatever reasons. Maybe it’s not so new, but you’re finally willing to accept the possibility it’s simply another aspect of yourself. Or maybe “who you are” is simply shifting. As long as it brings no harm to yourself or others, my suggestion would be to follow your curiosity. See it as a new adventure. Explore. |
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stairwaytoheaven(dom male)
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8 months ago •
Feb 17, 2024
Bunnie wrote: Sometimes the most difficult thing about this journey is acknowledging and accepting the things that pop up that challenge our own perception of “who we are.” We spend so much time and energy fighting against outside influences that are constantly telling us who we “should” be, that I think at times we can become shackled to an idea we have created of who believe ourselves to be. If something doesn’t fit that narrative, it can be scary. Especially as we get older and more “certain” of the narrative.
If life has taught me anything it’s that there are no rules. Only those we create for ourselves. (Not to be taken as saying it’s ok to have no moral compass/cause harm). Unfortunately we more than often create our rules from a place of fear and shame. If we truly gave ourselves permission to grow, we would actually live a lifetime of being “many different people” because we would be fluid and shift and change as time and circumstance influenced. Ultimately (ironically) becoming a much bigger version of “who we are” than we had believed. Maybe this is a new aspect of your self rearing its head, for whatever reasons. Maybe it’s not so new, but you’re finally willing to accept the possibility it’s simply another aspect of yourself. Or maybe “who you are” is simply shifting. As long as it brings no harm to yourself or others, my suggestion would be to follow your curiosity. See it as a new adventure. Explore. Thank you Bunnie, I am just confused is all. I still have many dom fantasies, needs and wants. Probably equal depending on my mood. Not likely at 64 that I am going to experiencing any of them sub or dom... I fear that time has passed. I am an old man now lol... no one wants an old dom. Even one as good lookin as me roflmao... omg I kill myself sometimes. |
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Bunnie
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8 months ago •
Feb 17, 2024
Lol, to some, 64 is like a fine wine. Don’t count yourself out just yet 😊.
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stairwaytoheaven(dom male)
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8 months ago •
Feb 17, 2024
Bunnie wrote: Lol, to some, 64 is like a fine wine. Don’t count yourself out just yet 😊.
You are such a cunning linguist. I think I love you lmao. Certainly I am more like an aged brandy. But thank you. |
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Valore
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8 months ago •
Feb 17, 2024
There are a lot of replies here and perhaps you've already found an answer.
But... I'd like to give my young 2 cents worth of input and hope it helps in any way. Some background: Before I discovered the lifestyle, I grew up thinking that thoughts regarding these things was bad in the first place... and that having any sadistic or generally frowned upon ideas like degrading etc... we're evil and mean, etc. I began to see myself as almost having 2 personalities or thinking.. what's wrong with me? Why do I think such things!? Is this what having another personality is like or am I just a cruel person by nature!? I felt out of place and spent a lot of time trying to conceal my thoughts by portraying them as something else, which was of course... not helping and not healthy. There were times in my life where I was needed by someone but who I was...wasn't what they needed physically. They needed a guy who would treat them well, but they had terrible luck. I did a bad thing and lied about my gender (which I do not recommend to anyone by the way...) and started doing this online thing with them of being there when they were sad..sharing their woes... sharing happy times... doing cute things together and reinforcing their confidence... reminding them to keep looking for someone else because I couldn't date them. They didn't know who I was and never will... it was difficult being me, but not at the same time... and then getting attached and having to let them go. Because... I was not who they thought I was and keeping them is wrong. I was only there to ensure their future went well..it was the whole reason I began. Invested a lot in that. I also began my lifestyle thinking that I was just a Sub. How I determined I was a switch, was by asking myself if the things I liked could still be accomplished while being that sub, or if it really was important for me to be the Domme. Would I enjoy being a dom/domestic for prolonged periods, or was it just something that I could enjoy now and then... was I dom...or sub... what am i... why do I like what I like and how many ways can I apply it? Ultimately, what way would I be happiest and would want to pursue long term, or am I able to find someone who might be a Dom with these tendencies that compliment mine. I began realizing that I could be a domme or a sub.... and if I like both... WHY NOT BOTH!? I discovered I lean towards being a sub as I'm more familiar with it and it's what I tend to lean towards more often... I can't be without my sub... but I've discovered I can't be without my dom now either, but which side is more prominent...how many times do I end up subbie compared to dommie... and what are my kinks for both? Would I want a sub?...oh yes yes... would I want a dom.... mmm yeaahh... Ok.... so both. I'm sure I'll find someone who fits and has a similar but opposite desire... or would be willing to work with me on kinks. Maybe I'll get a sub that like to dom more... maybe I'll get a dom who has subbie cuteness moments or let's me degrade, humiliate, pet them, whip them.. etc... Maybe a switch will fit me? ...etcetera. .... I'd be wasting a lot of space and time explaining more, but in essence... It seems like u always had these tendencies and could find avenues to fulfill needs wants before as a dom... but they became more prominent when pillars fell down in your life and the idea of a younger one might be from your desire to not have someone u love die before u again. I could be wrong, but right or wrong... I don't feel they are morally incorrect. To desire something is not wrong. How one goes about it, that changes its correctness. Same as the bdsm lifestyle. Consent is important and discussion. Or else it's just abusive rape etc... You... are still you. Whole and entire. It's a new discovery of dormant attributes becoming more prominent due to changes in enviroment mentally... (perhaps..I'm not an all knowing overseer) when one thing changes, it effects another... that's life. You are you irregardless how u change, just like how when u marry, many hope that even if they change as a person... their loved one will walk with them. This is my perspective. E(Valore) P.s. you're not alone. |
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QuietIsNotShy(dom male)
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8 months ago •
Feb 18, 2024
As others have already stated, doms/dommes are humans just as much as anyone else. I also agree that sometimes seeking professional help can do wonders. As a consumer of counseling on a regular basis, as well as a former practitioner of said profession, I think it's okay to seek out spaces where you feel free to let your emotions out and to work on things that bother you without fear of judgment.
Having said that, if I had to guess based on my knowledge of the psyche, my experiences in BDSM, and the psychology that can drive this lifestyle, it sounds like your friends' passing has really thrown you for a loop. Maybe you're feeling more vulnerable to that old codger, Death, or maybe your world feels less safe or secure. This is a natural and normal response to losing loved ones, especially if those losses occur within a relatively short timespan of each other. Doms/dommes and subs both have facets of their lives that revolve heavily around control, either gaining it, maintaining it, or losing it. All of those are driven by various reasons and can have wildly different effects based on an unfathomable number of stimuli. My best advice is that if these thoughts are bothering you so much that your daily life is being impacted, talk to people that you a) trust and b) are confident they will be able to help you out. People change and grow constantly. You're not who you were yesterday and you won't be tomorrow who you are today. That doesn't mean that changing is necessarily a bad thing. You don't have to accept it, though, so never let yourself feel powerless. From one newcomer to another: welcome and good luck. |
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Innocent Me(sub female){Protected}
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8 months ago •
Feb 18, 2024
stairwaytoheaven wrote: Bunnie wrote: Sometimes the most difficult thing about this journey is acknowledging and accepting the things that pop up that challenge our own perception of “who we are.” We spend so much time and energy fighting against outside influences that are constantly telling us who we “should” be, that I think at times we can become shackled to an idea we have created of who believe ourselves to be. If something doesn’t fit that narrative, it can be scary. Especially as we get older and more “certain” of the narrative.
If life has taught me anything it’s that there are no rules. Only those we create for ourselves. (Not to be taken as saying it’s ok to have no moral compass/cause harm). Unfortunately we more than often create our rules from a place of fear and shame. If we truly gave ourselves permission to grow, we would actually live a lifetime of being “many different people” because we would be fluid and shift and change as time and circumstance influenced. Ultimately (ironically) becoming a much bigger version of “who we are” than we had believed. Maybe this is a new aspect of your self rearing its head, for whatever reasons. Maybe it’s not so new, but you’re finally willing to accept the possibility it’s simply another aspect of yourself. Or maybe “who you are” is simply shifting. As long as it brings no harm to yourself or others, my suggestion would be to follow your curiosity. See it as a new adventure. Explore. Thank you Bunnie, I am just confused is all. I still have many dom fantasies, needs and wants. Probably equal depending on my mood. Not likely at 64 that I am going to experiencing any of them sub or dom... I fear that time has passed. I am an old man now lol... no one wants an old dom. Even one as good lookin as me roflmao... omg I kill myself sometimes. I'm with Bunnie on this one, don't count yourself out yet. I'm 37, my Daddy is your age...a year older even. We're out there, us subs who love older men and even older women if that's more your style. Age is just a number, I don't even consider 60's to be old! First off, I'm sorry to hear about all the heartache in your life, it really is amazing that you seem to be holding it together...even if only by a thread. It shows how strong of a person you are, it makes my heart sad to see others going through hard times. I would say I agree with most of the people who have already responded. Nothing to be ashamed of, kinks change. Talking to a professional who you feel comfortable expressing your BDSM side to (I feel) might help a bunch. Don't feel like your time has passed, you still have plenty of time to explore and learn about yourself. I have been here a while and mostly everyone here has been super supportive. You've found a safe place, welcome. <3 |
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stairwaytoheaven(dom male)
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8 months ago •
Feb 19, 2024
Thank you to everyone who took the time to answer, regardless of the answer. Already I am feeling better about my new "fantasies." I have found a place I feel comfortable talking to like minded people (unlike most of the garbage sites out there.) The cage is a nice place to be I think, although I have never been caged lmao.
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| farashacaveluv |
7 months ago •
Feb 23, 2024
Just roll with what you are feeling right now. Our desires can change and may be fluid over time. I'm mainly into women right now outside of a particular male play partner because of past hurt. This could change down the line. No reason to sweat it.
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tallslenderguy(other male)
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7 months ago •
Feb 23, 2024
MissBonnie wrote: I think just like food preference, kink preferences can change over time. When dealing with food preference we merely taste the food.
I wonder if scratching that itch will tell you which way you now lean and bring on some clarity? I would say try find someone but time and investment into something that might just be an itch might not be good for either party. i like this input. i believe MissBonnie is a thoughtful and insightful person, and i find wisdom in this. Reading between the lines (and extending the food analogy), Just like we often "eat with our eyes first," i think we often also connect with intimates in our imagination first. I.e., we imagine and construct a detailed fantasy about what we want/need, but that is not reality. Feelings are not always (read: "never") rational, and they do not always turn out as expected, imagined. i agree, experience will go a long way to helping you discern what 'tastes good and satisfies your appetite,' and when your eyes are bigger than your stomach. welcome, and good luck. Some great people on this site. |
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