FoxyMare(sub female)
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1 month ago •
May 17, 2024
I have a part of understanding in both sides. As a sub in a current 'dynamic' with a Dom there is very little affection and emotion with me and him currently as its more for the enjoyment and development of kink and submission
But i do very much prefer to have a emotional connection and desire to be submissive to my dominant partner and without that i become uninterested in developing the relationship to build trust. I can be very bold in my tactful way when affection isnt given i can drop my emotion of the person and will leave a dynamic for it so my current situation is more one for scratching my own needs than for my dominant. |
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Online now
Fyglia Wicked(dom female)
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1 month ago •
May 17, 2024
Those types half ass being a Dom/me.
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SageFlame(sub female)
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1 month ago •
May 17, 2024
Thoughts:
I must admit, I don't understand how a human being can have intense connection and skip emotion. To truly respect another person empathy is needed. Lack of empathy . . . Whoa . . . I'd be concerned. In my opinion, kink is a way to deepen connection not create emotional distance. Obviously, there are many perspectives but I agree with you. For myself, there has to be trust and I do not trust without the connection aka emotional connection. It would be like settling for a greeting card when you want a scuba diving trip. I like the deep stuff. |
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Sweet Escape(sub female)
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1 month ago •
May 17, 2024
Im really loving the variety of viewpoints and responses. Lots to think about.
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shebakesalot(sub female)
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1 month ago •
May 18, 2024
For me personally, in order to really lean into my masochism and submission, I need an emotional connection. BUT... if it's been negotiated to be casual or it's strictly a play partner (i.e. to get my ass beat every now and then), then I at least need a foundation of trust and respect, which doesn't necessarily require an emotional connection. There are usually rules to dictate maintaining a casual arrangement like no kissing or no staying over, etc.
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TwinkleEyes
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1 month ago •
May 18, 2024
Truemasterkai wrote: It is generally a male attitude that showing emotion in relationships is a weakness that may lose you respect. Now, while being a dom and being male aren't mutually exclusive, the dom mindset is heavily inspired and informed by a male centric stance on relationship nuance. That guiding, in control figurehead. It is no surprise that such attitudes find their way here, then.
Now regardless of whether we think that is right or wrong, it could be said that all relationships of any kind are transactional. You have wants, needs and things that I might want. And if I do not have what you want in return, I won't get those things from you. And we decide what the currency of those transactions are. Emotional, financial, similarity in values and so forth. The issue, in any relationship is when we claim to accept one kind of currency but yet operate as if we accept another. You might advertise that you want a person with x, y and z values most of all. But in actual practice, if they do not also have a or b, the rest do not matter. And in some cases, you'll be put off entirely. That is where the disconnect happens. It is in the interests of doms to sometimes claim they are emotionally disconnected. Because the main currencies people want from doms look best and are least likely to be compromised if they aren't emotional. Stability, consistency, stern decisiveness etc. And yet, we acknowledge that emotional connection is mostly needed to some degree to reach the depths of the relationships we crave. The solution, in short, is communication. As always. But further, we must allow each other that freedom to communicate without fear that it might compromise the currencies we agree on. It's going to be hard. And not everyone will always succeed. But we have to allow ourselves and each other to be humans first and then whatever position in a relationship second. “Because the main currencies people want from doms look best and are least likely to be compromised if they aren't emotional.“ Is this statement actually true or just how you understand us s-types to be? I talk with roughly 20 s-types from this website on a regular basis. And most of us find that being able to be emotional to be a strength rather than a weakness. It’s the lack of emotions or lacking control/awareness of their own emotions that make me question the authenticity of an actual D type. Showing that they are looking for sex, kink, and/or control rather than wanting a dynamic. Just some warm body to feed their ego. Personally I find it a weakness when a D type lacks emotions or lacks control of their emotions. How can someone try to guide me an emotional creature without emotions or control of theirs? It’s the same as trying to guide me financially without being control of one’s personal finances, guiding me on my career when they are not in control of their own, guide me sexually when they can’t control their own sexuality, and so on. |
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Solace(dom male)
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1 month ago •
May 18, 2024
The above seems like a useful discussion point for all of us armchair theorists.
There has in my experience been a powerful disconnect between what society claims they want from men and what it actually supports. I find most often when someone claims they want men to be more emotional it isn't the Gentleman's actual emotions they want but rather the ideal emotions they want to see from the man and at their own convenience. Not that I claim this was said, but men aren't dumb emotionless animals. We experience a full spectrum of emotions regularly, just the same as the fairer sex. However, we have been rewarded by society since birth for acting the way we we do, which is to regularly cut off emotions outwardly and act through them in a calm logical fashion. Or anger because that emotion is still useful and if there is one thing men are rewarded for above anything else...its for being useful to others. So to say that men lack control of their emotions is quite untrue. Men have excellent control over their emotions, what they lack is the reward for wearing them. If you want a man to show his emotions, criticism will get you nowhere. Instead be the reward for his emotions. Ladies aren't the only creatures who have to learn to let down their guards and trust in these dynamics. We just don't talk about the ways men do. I think its societal trend right now to be very critical of men in particular. I also believe it is much more productive to instead try to understand them as opposed to wishing they were something else or trying to change them into something they are not. For men who have had a different experience, I salute you and hope you continue having such an experience. For everyone who feels they fit in the other side of this over simplified dichotomy I've created, there's nothing wrong with you, you're doing fine, find the girl who acts as the reward for you love and affection. |
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TwinkleEyes
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1 month ago •
May 18, 2024
Solace wrote: The above seems like a useful discussion point for all of us armchair theorists.
There has in my experience been a powerful disconnect between what society claims they want from men and what it actually supports. I find most often when someone claims they want men to be more emotional it isn't the Gentleman's actual emotions they want but rather the ideal emotions they want to see from the man and at their own convenience. Not that I claim this was said, but men aren't dumb emotionless animals. We experience a full spectrum of emotions regularly, just the same as the fairer sex. However, we have been rewarded by society since birth for acting the way we we do, which is to regularly cut off emotions outwardly and act through them in a calm logical fashion. Or anger because that emotion is still useful and if there is one thing men are rewarded for above anything else...its for being useful to others. So to say that men lack control of their emotions is quite untrue. Men have excellent control over their emotions, what they lack is the reward for wearing them. If you want a man to show his emotions, criticism will get you nowhere. Instead be the reward for his emotions. Ladies aren't the only creatures who have to learn to let down their guards and trust in these dynamics. We just don't talk about the ways men do. I think its societal trend right now to be very critical of men in particular. I also believe it is much more productive to instead try to understand them as opposed to wishing they were something else or trying to change them into something they are not. For men who have had a different experience, I salute you and hope you continue having such an experience. For everyone who feels they fit in the other side of this over simplified dichotomy I've created, there's nothing wrong with you, you're doing fine, find the girl who acts as the reward for you love and affection. I’m not talking about men as a whole. I’m talking about those on this website and other places who don’t want emotional connection. Claiming that they do or that they will take care of a s-types needs including emotions, then don’t. There are those who want 2 s-types so that they will take care of each others emotional needs refusing to play a part in them. There are those who have fits like children when they don’t get our naked pics, phone numbers, when told we aren’t interested in them etc. Lacking the knowledge that they are having emotions because of not getting their desired reaction. The BDSM lifestyle isn’t safe. Physically, mentally, or emotionally. It reaches into our trauma stirring it up. And the endorphine highs from scenes come to ends at some point. Leaving us in drop including D-types. So aftercare to me is more important than the scene itself. So few D-types recognize this emotional need for the s-type or themselves. I am blessed to know some beautifully handsome D-types in control of their emotions. Bringing them out at appropriate times. It just seems with this age of the internet men are behaving more and more weak hiding behind a screens. Acting as if they can say and do whatever they want with no repercussions. This emotional disconnect is on the rise as far as I can see. And yet they want/need/desire a s-type when they can’t even handle their own shit. Yes, I agree society is very critical of the male right now. Men are being treated and used is a turn around to what females have felt for decades. I can’t feel sorry for you all, being that is nothing compared to what we have experienced. Maybe just maybe there will be growth from it. I’m not condoning the treatment. Just recognizing it for what it is. |
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Solace(dom male)
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1 month ago •
May 18, 2024
I think my points have rolled off you like water on wax. Likely due to a very different experience in the world. Even if a common ground were to exist the path to it would lack the grace owed to a public audience.
Instead I am going to bow out of the conversation before it takes a highly predictable and oft repeated turn. Thank you for your engagement. |
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TwinkleEyes
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1 month ago •
May 18, 2024
Solace wrote: I think my points have rolled off you like water on wax. Likely due to a very different experience in the world. Even if a common ground were to exist the path to it would lack the grace owed to a public audience.
Instead I am going to bow out of the conversation before it takes a highly predictable and oft repeated turn. Thank you for your engagement. I meant no offense. These are common experiences I’ve heard from other s-types. I’m aware I’m somewhat jaded. Working on it. If will you please elaborate I am willing to listen. Often enough I’m daft about things. What is the ideal emotions? Romantic feelings aren’t what I’m talking about. Some other s-types I know want them. I’m referring to protective caring feelings. Not using a a-type sexually, scene wise, and aftercare. |
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