Submission or Domination??

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Feb 17, 2025

I think the AH has it right.

You're either using your mouth or getting your mouth used.

If you're blindfolded, have your hands tied behind your back and are pulled by your hair to your knees to serve a cock, even if you're "giving" a blow job how are you dominating?

So eating pussy by this "giver" standard, then, is always an act of domination, right? Even if she's holding your head with her two hands and grinding her cunt against your face?

Well l, at first, was like, who cares? Reading this, though, It's interesting what matters to people and their ideas about dominance and submission.

Even in the overall roles we fill, in the throws of the acts we engage in, depending on how narrowly you define it, there's some switchery.

SavannahLyn​(sub female)​{~Umbee~} • Feb 17, 2025

Is that not the very definition of power exchange?

JaredMayer​(dom male) • Feb 17, 2025

Personally I think it is all just mindset. If the bottom is giving me oral and I'm completely hands off that just means they're doing all the work to please me like a good little [insert preferred term].

If I'm giving oral to someone then it's me controlling their pleasure, deciding when to tease, deny, or satisfy at my whim. Even if they are trying to hold me there it will only happen if I let them. It's actually pretty fun telling a sub "no" while giving oral, reminding them who has the power in this interaction.

Defender​(dom male) • Feb 18, 2025

When I'm getting a blow job, for some reason it is the last thing I think about.

And I never ask the sub, as I think it is bad manners for her to speak with her mouth full.


Does that make me a bad Dom? ?

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Feb 19, 2025

Darn, I'm sorry I'm late to this discussion. I do believe MissBonnie summed it up quite neatly when she succinctly wrote, "It's just a sex act (action). Not a role."

I do agree with many previous comments. It's all in context and perspective. When I'm receiving, I'm still in control because that's just how it is. And when I'm giving, I'm in control, because . . .well that's just how it is. That makes me a good Dominant, and well within the agreed upon parameters of how and who I chose to interact with. It's also my responsibility to shoulder.

I've never heard it said a submissive isn't capable of spontaneously and for her own reasons enjoying the act of giving oral satisfaction to a truly earth shattering depth without provocation? This doesn't rescind her (or his) submissive card. It's a great pleasure to return home to a waiting and anxious partner, quite aroused and anticipating the act of giving a good knobgobbling. And any Dominant receiving said gratifying act, while sitting back with a neatly poured scotch in hand still has the responsibility of standing to the task of being the Dominant.

Likewise it doesn't make me any less of who I am that I truly enjoy sliding down to suck on a nice, warm, wet . . . oops. Sorry, was a tad carried away. Back on point.

This reminds me of the discussion of whether a Dominant could be pegged and still be a Dominant (discussed some time ago). The answer was certainly within context. It's all in who is running the show.

At the end of the day, does it matter. I need a good blow job now! Thanks for the discussion.?

VictrixGremTenebris​(sadist female) • Feb 22, 2025

I think it depends so much on context. What is the nature of the scene and what is the nature of the dynamic between the participants? For example…

- If my Partner and I are engaging in a CNC scene wherein I’m the victim and my “villain” demands oral pleasure with a knife held to my throat, my act is submissive.

- If I engage with someone in a CBT scene wherein any oral pleasure I give is designed to “make nice” with the tissue between application of instruments, my act is dominant.