First D/s

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Aug 19, 2018

My mentor told me that this lifestyle was Pandora's box and once opened it couldn't be closed. If you are meant to be a part of it, you can't walk away completely... there is always a need to return to it. Personally, i left it for many years, but always felt the desire to return, to serve. I found vanilla ways to serve... but it was never fully satisfying. If you are a submissive, it's always going to be there. Best wishes in your journey!

Bunnie • Aug 19, 2018

I couldn’t ever go back to vanilla. Even if I found myself in a situation where (for whatever reasons) there was no longer any form of “play” or kink, I would still need some form of bdsm woven into my life.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Aug 19, 2018

@Bunnie....
i tortured myself many years.... i was a very unhappy person. It's so funny how in my submission i feel the most free.

rosethorn​(sub female) • Aug 19, 2018

Im at the self torture bit, it has a way of weaving into vanilla land if its not kept in check. Its interesting to hear other peoples take on this as I thought it was just me. Thank you for the input

Sensual City Girl{ForeverHIS} • Aug 20, 2018

You’re certainly right about Pandora’s box!!

DomForHer​(dom male) • Aug 22, 2018

I can’t comment on how it is for a sub because I am not one. But as a new first time dom in a monogamous LTR I strongly believe that I could not go back to a “regular” vanilla relationship. Actually my sub, who introduced me to this dynamic, and I talk often about how I wouldn’t be able to go back and how a vanilla relationship would not be sufficient enough for me. I have learned more about myself and what I like. As well as I have improved (and continue to do so) things about myself that I’ve wanted to for a while.

It truly is Pandora’s box and there is nothing like it.

SubforHim​(sub female) • Aug 22, 2018

So I would say yes, overall, it is difficult to go back. But it also depends on the extent your needs, the current relationship and the person you are with. If they have certain criteria that appeases you, then of course a vanilla relationship is possible.

For me, I gravitate towards men that show signs of being a Dominant naturally. So while they may not be “into BDSM” perse, that doesn’t mean they won’t be interested in it, or at least have some of the qualities that I need for my submissive side.

bighairydaddy • Aug 25, 2018

I don't it matters if you're dom, sub or switch. If you are drawn towards this lifestyle, once you have tasted it, it's extremely difficult to go back. Not entirely impossible. I'm in the situation where I'm where I'm very attracted to someone that I work with. If a relationship happens, it'll most likely be vanilla. I'm realistic enough to know that I will be feeling the "kinky kall" on a regular basis. Resisting is going to e hard, but I will resist.

the elf • Aug 30, 2018

Of course, you can go back if you find it better for some reason. It's not like a one-way street. Everything is in your head.

For me, many times it was like going back home and rebuilding my mundane life while being happy to have a chance to start again at all. Regardless of some kind of popular belief living the so-called "lifestyle" is not the "advanced level" of having a "vanilla relationship".
The discovery part can be exciting for a while, but exposure changes things a lot. Not to mention that being in any kind of relationship is always about compromise, and "lifestyle" relations can be more demanding, less clear and therefore more tiresome then traditional formations.

So I say: do what you feel you have to do. Don't get trapped in a position, just because it looks exotic. Sometimes body and mind need rest.

But forgive my rambling, I blame my sleep deprivation for my sense of rebellion and wildness..!

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Aug 30, 2018

@ nightmustfall I dont think of this "lifestyle " an a " advanced level" of a "vanilla relationship".
i just feel personally that it would be hard to go back to a world without the "mind games" ( for lack of a better word), the yummy bites, and sweet spankings, ect, ect. there is always be the pull towards things. although if you , meaning anyone reading this, is lucky enough to be blessed and have found their person within this realm. i know that they mostly likely think as i and some others here. when it was talked about "what if something unseen and awful happened to either one within the slash". and many of us agreed that there was more to our being subs or doms then the sexual part or being able to take the whip/ or release the whip through the air.