Part time D/s questions

Attacking the OP serves no purpose here.

OP asked for advice, and he got it. Some more realistic than others, but I’m guessing he’ll choose the advice of those that chose to pat him on the head, and blow smoke up his arse. Which he is completely within his right to do.

D/s relationships are built on commitment, trust and honesty.

He’s lying and breaking the trust of the woman he’s ‘committed’ to, so clearly those 3 things aren’t paramount to him.

His ‘sub’ is known to have extramarital affairs, and he claims the husband always takes her back.

Seems to me like OP is little more than another notch in the ‘sub’s’ belt. And instead of manning up, and taking care of what’s at home (whether he fixes the marriage, or leaves it, there needs to be a resolution)he’s going to focus all his energy on a woman who knows at the end of the day, when everything blows up, she’s still going to have her husband, her safety net.

Betcha OP’s wife doesn’t hang around when they get caught.

He asked for advise on BDSM.

Attacking people only shoots down conversations.



People cheating to come into Bdsm is a more often then we care to admit reality.

If the OP asked for what to do in his marriage then sure. Go on girl let have.

But he didn't.


He asked about bdsm.

Our thoughts on the morality of this situation are not helpful. Or asked for.

No moral judgement on my part. I simply noted that two partners who are both cheating on their spouses is a situation likely to create the exact sort of issues that OP raised.

To pretend that's not a factor or an influence on the relationship and to interpret all issues as having their roots in BDSM without any mitigating factors is foolish and flawed.

Sub drop is the emotional and physical side affect of a wondrous time.
I am sure you know it is endorphins and adrenaline that is induced during play.
It eminates in various forms, including depression crying,aches ,cravings and sheer tiredness.
Subdrop can make a person feel guilt, shame and confusion amongst other emotional feelings.
A light high protein, low carb meal before play along with water may help.
Knowing that it can happen is the best prep and a sub-drop pack might be an idea to have at hand.
Water,sweets, a special blanket or teddy may be included.Giving reassurance and cuddles afterwards
is essential. Those are as important as the play itself.
It should be known that Dom drop is real too and taking care of each other is a must.

"He asked for advise on BDSM. 
Attacking people only shoots down conversations. 
If the OP asked for what to do in his marriage then sure. Go on girl let have. 
But he didn't. 
He asked about bdsm. 
Our thoughts on the morality of this situation are not helpful. Or asked for."


Sounds like you've done /are doing the nilla cheating in the guise of D/s thing or you just want to coddle him.
Your thoughts on O/ our standards that you see as morality were not asked for either js

@Fyglia


Attacking me serves no purpose either.


I find that attacking the person instead of discussing the issue derails insightful conversation.



I am enjoying the discussions about sub space.
Thank you Della.

Sub drop is usually (and partially) connected to chemical / hormonal reaction that may occur after intense scene. Those chemical compounds / hormones are responsible for high - like feeling, so once they are gone, it might feel like withdrawal symptoms. So much for biology / chemistry.

I wrote it is partially connected to those chemical reactions. Why? Because those are usually short term. No matter how strong they are, they don't last very long (I would assume up to 24-48 hours?). But there are other aspects that play huge role in what we call sub drop. BDSM is not "mainstream" activity. Pretty often it is not acceptable for some part of society (depends on society, obviously). Engaging in such activity might mean that people involved in it have to deal with confusion, second thoughts etc.

All of that is usually manageable, but it takes lots of communication, decent aftercare and so on.

Now... no matter how much we would want to keep this discussion separated from other circumstances mentioned by OP, we cannot pretend that they don't exist, can we? And it is not even a matter of moral judgement - I am trying to refrain myself from doing that now. The truth is that they do have impact on emotional state of both parties, hence they have (probably huge) influence on subdrop. I would assume they increase the level of subdrop, and obviously make aftercare much more difficult or nearly impossible. For sure, they don't make the whole situation easier...

Agree 100% Asteria.

Loved your post.