Submission/independent women

Picara Sins • Oct 8, 2020

I just joined this site, and this is the first discussion question I saw. I am the independent, strong, dominant, intelligent, and determined woman described. I am also very driven in my professional life, I mentor people, a feminist, I possess life experience and a strong sense of curiosity. I have long been a self-described switch.

I am currently considering my first D/s relationship. Allowing a human being to take control of anything, in my world (even routinely opening my car door for me), will be a first.

I have met a few Doms/Dommes this past year. I asked a few to explain to me what this means to them and observed others. I did not connect with them. Went on a date a few weeks ago and unexpectedly bumped into a Dom. He is dominate, intelligent, a feminist, an excellent communicator, kind, charming, patient and experienced. I could not explore a D/s relationship without a connection to the right person. Intimacy is important to me becuse it cultivates a desire to pleasure my partner; pleasure begets more pleasure.

Crave: I think what I crave is intimacy on a deeper and more mentally stimulating level than what I have experienced already. I am interested in how the experience might shift my perspective. I have a few ideas how this might occur but I will keep those to myself for the moment.

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Oct 8, 2020

Some of the best subs I’ve experienced have been strong independent powerful women in the business world !
But the craved to throw off the burden of responsibility and free their mind and body to be themselves!

ElizaEmma​(sub female){NotLooking} • Oct 8, 2020

"But the craved to throw off the burden of responsibility and free their mind and body to be themselves!"

But who are "themselves"? I think of myself of having multiple identities, and being a sub is just one of them. Is being a sub more of my true self than the hard-nose bitch (I tend to act like that when dealing with lazy, incompetent people) or the nurturing auntie? We are all made up of different identities, it just so happened that some combinations are more incongruent (being independent in public life, being submissive in private, or switches who act differently according to whom they are with). I am the sum of all that, and not any one of the roles deserves more "bragging rights" than others.

And still don't understand why being submissive is so empowering (along with why it is a gift). But I digress ...

TheLittleSongBird​(sub female) • Oct 10, 2020

I think it’s been something building throughout the years. For centuries, women worked so hard to become equals with man. When we finally reached that level we were happy. So now, women have power at work. And can provide for their own home. So we lead now. In many ways we are dominant. Our decision on what to wear , if we are in charge at work, what men we let approach us. We started getting the same power men had forever.
Now for me personally , since I am a provider for my own home and a superior at work, I crave to be less. I’m a sense. I want to not have to make choices all the time. And what better time for that than with the person you trust most ? It’s a freeing feeling to know you don’t have to be the decision maker all the time.

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 10, 2020

I skipped by a lot posted not to be disrespectful but to say, as a Maso-girl, it's totally OK te be a Sub and be independent
.

SAXMANIAC​(sub female) • Oct 10, 2020

I'll just piggy back on what others have said: I have to be the shot-caller in the vanilla world, so for me it's quite simple. I crave being taken care. I want someone else to make the decisions and give the orders...and pay the frikkin bills. I need to be babied. I've taken care of other people for decades. It's my turn now.

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 10, 2020

I have found purely masochist women to be quite independent indeed. Most masochists that I have played with are not exactly submissive, which suits me just fine, as, as a sadist, I am not exactly dominant either.

ellefire​(sub female) • Oct 10, 2020

ElizaEmma, I totally agree with the notion of multiple identities. I'm still not certain of my stance on submission as a gift (I've not yet found one I want to fully "give" it to), but for me the empowerment piece of being submissive comes from allowing that identity to actually exist rather than denying it. Integrating all the bits of me, if you will. Maybe it's that I'm old(er), or embracing my subbie side long after I could have, but it does feel empowering and freeing to acknowledge my desires instead of fighting them. I've no idea if that's the case for others, but as I say, it's marvelous to feel I'm becoming all the way me!

exploringsubmissive​(sub female) • Oct 10, 2020

I think that inside us we all have multiple "sides", or "parts" of our personality, and we can't fully show all of who we are in every part of our lives, except one hopefully.

For example, when I'm at work I have to be strong, I have to have an answer, or know how to find the answer when a student asks a question. I can't let one of my students hurt another, or let another adult hurt them in my care, and I have to be alert to abuse that might be happening outside of school too. I can only relax so much.

With my friends I have a different side. it's quite a bit more relaxed, and I might be more outgoing, or more introverted depending on who I'm with, what they need, and what I can do that day, but I still have to guard quite a bit of myself.

But, in a true D/s relationship with someone I trust I can relax and show my partner all facets of myself. The beautiful, what I believe to be the ugly parts of myself, the moments when all I want is to curl up and cry, they see all of it. I give them my submission, and they agree to take that submission and not abuse the trust. They are given much more access to my inner self than anyone else. When it works it is incredibly freeing.

Low{BLK OWND} • Oct 10, 2020

Because it feels good to have someone else take the reins for a while